Adrianne I'm so sorry to hear about your loss - It's just horrible to lose a child; It's a club I NEVER intended to be part of.  I am new to this site and  find it helpful for getting out of my own misery and devastating.  If there's anything I can do please don't hesitate.  Praying for you and your family,

Gale 

My husband and I just don't talk anymore. Separate room. He works 7-3, then goes to another job until 8 pm. When he is here, he eats alone and so do I. Someone killed our son and our marriage of 25 years.

Right Adrianne it could have happen to them.

Yes, Adrianne it could have happen to them.

Why Adrianne did it happen to us. I sit here as I do everyday, with tears flowing down my face. They are silent tears now. I find it hard to respond too.

But Adrianne it happen to us and I wish I could fix it...........my tears are warm and full of pain, sorrow, fear, and shame. Like all my few friends child still here and mine child gone.

Adrianne, such nice pics.. my heart goes outto you. Pls take care..hugss

Your poor son and poor you...I FEEL like I am crying all the time, but after a month most days I feel like something is bottling it up inside me so its just an inside ache and the tears won't come...then suddenly they do and its like a downpour..then nothing again...I guess its really true that no two people can grieve the same way...yesterday I thought I was maybe getting closer to letting go of the pain just a bit...but...ha ha ha...that didn't last long...hugs to you

Adrianne everything you say is perfectly true, I believe it is true that even if a parent was aged 90 and they lost their 70 year old child it hurts no less.

Someone warned me that while my holidays were hard to handle his birthday would be the hardest to get through!   I woke up that day literally feeling like I was going to die.  My daughter needs me and for her I have to figure out how to live again.  I'm just not there yet.

It is really so painful in which I would like to take my own life... :(

yes Adrianne it is for me as well daily it gets worse ..we don't have that choice to not continue i am not longer a believer of God i am spiritual and all i can think of when it gets this bad is i have my other children whom need me especially the 14 year old and just in case there is a heaven and amber is there i don't want to mess up the chance to be with her someday for eternity im sorry for your loss we all have no choice but to go on existing and existence is no way to live but it is what is is and existence added with the kind of grieve we have to live with now no clue why things like this happens to good people but they do..you have to keep going ..please keep in mind the ultimate goal is to get to heaven to be with our loved one ...if there is a heaven that is my daughter 18 was addicted to opiates for less then two years and shes dead now , her father addicted to opiates off and on all of his life since i have known him still breathes and walks it should have been him ...so ya ...a drug has no conscience or calendar it will take you out sooner or later along with addicts family. peace out

Hi Adrianne.  You asked if others feel like it is getting worse. I have felt that too.  Both when my son died and again after my husband died.  At first there was the numbness that seemed to keep me in a fog that kept some of the pain at bay.  As that fog lifted I was able to feel more and it hurt soo much worse.  It still seems like I take a step forward and then something will send me back down into those days of deep dispair.  Im sorry you are in so much pain.  It really really really stinks that there isnt a magic cure for this heartache we feel. 

Adrianne, I have been thinking of you all day.  I could not bring myself here to write earlier.  I felt such sorrow for you and knew that I could do nothing to help.  Birthdays are hard enough and I'm sure there is added sadness when they fall on a holiday where most people are celebrating.  I have been praying for you, and just wanted to let you know that you and your precious son, Don, were not forgotten today.  Many hugs. 

PEACE...... If you don't count our sleep time..... this Holiday will be gone in about 24 Hours.....   I think I'll skip the whole darn thing....

Hi Adrianne, just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. It will soon be four months for me also since we lost Zach, can't believe he won't be here for Christmas. I know how you must be missing your son, Don. Please know that you are not alone in your sadness. If  you ever want to talk, send me a message, I friend requested you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs. Robin

Hi Adrianne,  just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I know how hard it is for you right now, it hasn't even been quite four months since I lost my son Zach. I think it still hasn't really hit me yet that Zach is never coming home to me again. I look down at my arm and see the tattoo I got in his memory, and know it must be true but I haven't accepted it yet. One thing that helps keep me going is talking to other people, especially those of us who are mothers, who have been where we are and are surviving this. I talked to one of my childrens' teacher's that they had in elementary school. She lost her only son nine years ago, he was away at college opened his door one night and was shot and killed. She has become an inspiration to me because she told me she had to make a decision, whether to just give in to her grief or chose to be a survivor. I watch how she seems to be able to have found some happiness in her life again. I want that for myself, but find that so hard to believe that it will be possible. I feel like I am just walking around with a mask on. I will never be the same person again. But I do chose to survive this, if not for myself, then for all my loved ones. I hope that you will do the same. Please know that I am here as are others, who will listen to whatever  you have to say. You are surviving this, you are showing me that it is possible. I thank  you for that. You are in my prayers and anyone else who is grieving a child, or any loved one. Big hugs. Robin

Hi Adrianne, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.  I guess I'm thinking of all on here and those elsewhere that are in the same place we are.  Just hold on and keep your faith.  We have to trust that some better days are coming.  You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.   ♥

Adrianne,   HOLD ON.... HELP IS ON THE WAY!  I'm sorry you are not doing well with the holidays... and having a bad day... and seeing the news of Sandra is not easy...  But we all need to Hold on to each other and support each other... because the alternative that Sandra has taken has left more pain for others left behind.

Sometimes I think we put too much importance on holidays and dates....  even without the grief of losing a loved one..many are depressed because of our expectations and dreams of the perfect day.....  but for sure those "Firsts" are even more painful... I try to  ignore the calendar and just go one day at a time...  But as I just said TRY.... Big Hugs and know that many of us are in the same boat and have been where you are....