deborah white
  • Female
  • East Elmhurst, NY
  • United States
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MISSING MOM
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Hi every one i am new to this but after reading the discussions i feel that i am not alone. I am 56 and single and lost mom Nov 2010 which was not a big surprise as mom suffered a massive stroke Dec…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Sandra Nichols Jan 23, 2012.

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About Me:
i am the only child and lost my dad in 1974. My mom passed in 2010 after complications of a stroke
About my Loss:
I am single and lived with my mom all my life, i was the sole caretaker and was dealing well with the situation until the last year when I just lost my patience because mom was in dementia and would request and say what to me was just odd.i now see myself standing over her grave and not see dirt but my mom, I was the one who took her off life support after a team of doctors said that she was brain dead

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At 11:53am on January 27, 2012, Kris Baclawski said…

Hi Deborah:

We certainly seem to have some things in common.  Like you, I'm 56, single, and an animal lover with a 14-yr old Border Collie (with some sign of doggie dementia) and two cats, aged 15 and 8.  The last couple years were difficult as I watched my once energetic mother fade away.   She had her first stroke in 2007 and never was able to regain the dexterity of right hand and leg and her ability to read, which was one of her greatest joys.  

While I did not live with her, because I lived about 10 miles away, I was Mom's secondary care giver.  My older sister, who had always lived with Mom, was primary care giver.   She and I often clashed on Mom's needs and her own needs as she wasn't good at admitting she needed help or accepting my help.   Other family members could have helped more with Mom's care by giving my sister a break.   The last year of Mom's life was frustrating because my sister was exhausted and had psychologically withdrawn from Mom.   Mom stopped eating in part because of poorly fitting dentures and boredom with my sister's cooking.   

In the end, Mom had a second colon bleedout, which could not be stopped without surgery.  She had a second stroke in the middle of the night and was unresponsive.  We were called to the hosptial, told by the nursing staff and respiratory therapist that she was brain dead and that her organs were shutting down.  We had to make the decision to remove life support, because we knew she would not wish it otherwise.   

I've had flashbacks to that horrendous weekend in June 2011...and interestingly am having to deal with my older sister (with whom I have had issues) making adjustments to living alone for the first time in her life.  Your insights in your own adjustment may be helpful for me to better understand my older sister.

Thank God for the critters.

Take care,

Kris

 
 
 

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