Being the Other Woman/Other Man

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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 16
Latest Activity: Aug 19

Discussion Forum

4 months and I can't stop crying

I knew my Best Friend since high school...we were good friends..And stayed in touch over the years - We may have gone 3-4 years before we spoke - But we knew each others situations and we stayed Best…Continue

Started by Suzette Laree Arch Aug 19.

This has been so hard.. 3 Replies

My relationship started 30 years ago...we knew each other in h.s. We both went our separate ways...talked thru the years..had other marriages..but we connected again two years ago.we both were in…Continue

Started by Lori. Last reply by Darien Dec 4, 2016.

How do I get through this? 15 Replies

I am not proud, but I am facing the honest truth that I am the other woman.  The pain in losing my best friend and man I love after 12 years to a heart attack is excruciating. How have you grieved,…Continue

Started by CJ. Last reply by Suzy Aug 26, 2014.

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Comment by Darien on January 27, 2017 at 11:30pm

Hi Rain, I haven't seen much activity on here in a while. I try and answer people when I get a notification, but was busier than usual and didn't get out here to comment as quickly as I would have liked.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Comment by Rain on January 19, 2017 at 9:50am
Is anyone still active in this group? I have been searching for a group of this kind that understands this type of pain.
Comment by Darien on August 7, 2016 at 3:20pm

I fell hard and fast for a man I met in April of this year. He and his wife had just called it quits after 24 yrs together. For three years he tried to work things out with his wife who was having an affair. She wouldn't stop lying or cheating, so he decided to divorce. They hadn't filed yet.
He and I were only together for two months before he suddenly broke things off. We agreed to stay friends but I took three weeks away from him to process my hurt over him playing the field a little. He didn't want to get right back into another relationship and was worried about me being a rebound. I had finally decided I was over my hurt feelings and would give him a call in a few days. He died of a heart attack that night.
I never had a chance to talk to him about his reasons for the break up. I always thought that we'd talk it through and I would be able to win him back after he'd gotten done being that little boy in a candy store and the divorce was final. And now, suddenly, I'm completely devastated. I cannot accept that I'll never see, talk to, or touch him again. He was such an amazing man. How can I be this devastated in two months time? How can I be so in love with someone I barely knew?
I read through all your stories out here and see myself in most every one. The wanting something of his, the search to connect into his life somehow, wanting to reach out to his wife and children, the inability to be public about my grief or my love for him. 
Like so many of you, I find that there are no local support groups, counselors don't really seem interested in counseling this sort of grief, and I feel like an idiot even talking to friends about it. After all, he'd broken up with me, they keep saying.
I just never had time to process my feelings for him.

Comment by Tracey Randolph on August 7, 2015 at 6:21pm
I have also been looking for a resource and support
Comment by Peter on August 7, 2015 at 3:38pm

Is anyone still here?  There really is very little support out there.  I bought the book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" and there is only one paragraph in the book regarding being the other man/woman.

Comment by Cathy Richardson on March 17, 2015 at 9:34pm
Lynden -please email me at catrich1964 @gmail.com
Comment by Lynden on March 17, 2015 at 3:00pm

Is there anyone still active in this group? I am currently in this situation and finding few places to turn, and few people to turn to outside of my therapist who is paid to be nonjudgmental. I have a huge hole in my life that I have to pretend isn't there.

Comment by Ali on December 15, 2014 at 3:01pm
My names Ali, and I was the other woman to a much older man. He was my heart and soul, and I was his. His wife was seeing someone else as well, but they decided not to divorce due to their son having a disability and them not being sure if he'd understand. He passed away in January and since then I've been a mess. I can't stand being alone, and the thought of being with anyone else is complete torcher. Nobody seems to understand.
Comment by Annie M on October 16, 2014 at 1:19pm

Dave, It will be 9 months on the 21st for me and I can tell you that it does get easier.  As life goes on, and it must, I find myself thinking less about my guy and more about what I am going to do to make the most out of the rest of my life.  I'm 72 and probably don't have that many more years to do my best but every day I do try to keep busy and look for ways to be helpful to those that need help.  It isn't an easy road but one we have to travel if we want to ever be normal again.  One regret, out of many, that I have is that I wasn't more present in our relationship.  I always thought there would be more time but then all of a sudden there wasn't any more.  That relationship changed me to the core and I'll never be the same again.  Please know, Dave, that my prayers are with you to get through this a day at a time and that you come out on the other side of this a person that your lady could be proud of.  God bless and keep you, Annie M  

Comment by Annie M on August 4, 2014 at 12:48pm

Does everyone on this discussion forum know that what we are experiencing is called "disenfranchised grief"?

 

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Latest Activity

Alice Thompson commented on Pamela philipp's blog post Empty
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Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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12 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

Empty

It's been 2 years since I lost my mother and my husband and I am still lost and still very much alone in my grief I haven't been on this site in a while I've been trying to get by every day it's not working too well I'm struggling really really hard my family is still not around I guess they think I am OK that I'm doing fine little do theyknow that I'm not they are coming to my house this Saturday for a cook out because it's something my mother wanted me to do that's the only reason I agreed to…See More
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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23 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett I think they will always be a part of us."
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, right now my mom is so incredibly fresh in my mind. I do fear that the day will come when that is no longer the case. I don't want my memories to fade away. That is one of the issues that I have with, "letting go.""
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is true that being anxious will not help anything. There are so many things in life that we just have no control over. This is certainly one of them. It's just so hard to stop having those feelings though. My stomach is tied in knots right…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, it will in time... I talked things through in my mind a lot and said to myself well I was anxious yesterday and the day before and it did not change anything, I did see my dr and took something for a few months and I am now weaning off of…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Prayers sent. God Bless you and give you strength and peace."
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Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Today we moved everything out of Mom's apartment. It has uncovered a new layer of grief and I am utterly exhausted. My house and garage are in complete disarray with boxes everywhere. I feel so bogged down with things and things to to. I have…"
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Luisa Salter replied to Crystal K's discussion Its hard accepting my mother's death in the group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal I am so sorry. I lost my Mom on August 30th, and I understand this sense of coldness and feeling like a zombie. When people ask me how I am feeling, I tell them that I go back and forth between numb and devastated. It seems like I will cry…"
yesterday
Karen bentl posted a status
"Yes, I realize no one can actually hear me... I was just reaching out..."
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