Being the Other Woman/Other Man

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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 17
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Discussion Forum

4 months and I can't stop crying 3 Replies

I knew my Best Friend since high school...we were good friends..And stayed in touch over the years - We may have gone 3-4 years before we spoke - But we knew each others situations and we stayed Best…Continue

Started by Suzette Laree Arch. Last reply by Darien 4 hours ago.

This has been so hard.. 3 Replies

My relationship started 30 years ago...we knew each other in h.s. We both went our separate ways...talked thru the years..had other marriages..but we connected again two years ago.we both were in…Continue

Started by Lori. Last reply by Darien Dec 4, 2016.

How do I get through this? 15 Replies

I am not proud, but I am facing the honest truth that I am the other woman.  The pain in losing my best friend and man I love after 12 years to a heart attack is excruciating. How have you grieved,…Continue

Started by CJ. Last reply by Suzy Aug 26, 2014.

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Comment by Monique on February 5, 2018 at 8:57am

Hi I'm new to the group as of today.  I'm not too sure what I'm doing.  My best friend, my soul mate for the past 9 years passed away unexpectedly w/cardiac arrest and aneurysm.  Dec 3rd 2017. 

He's going to have a Birthday this Thursday Feb 8th going to be 49.  I have been super depressed.  I started an antidepressant medication.  Started talking to a counselor.  (She mostly talked about herself).  I'm starting to be obsessed w/ where you go when you die.  I was brought up Catholic and I believe in Haven but I question everything now.  Every time I see someone I ask them "where do you think we go when we die"  I get various responses, from were grass food, energy and change our form, Haven but they can't not see us because Haven has no  pain and if he see's me in this much pain, he would be in pain. 

  I have an appointment with a medium on Sunday.  Some people tell me it's demonic to see a medium. 

I just want some kind of connection to him.  I want to know for a solid fact I will be with him again.  I need direction from anyone. Thx  I feel I'm going crazy.  I have all my voice mails from him the night before he passed away.  His mom knew about me and is being super supportive but also I sometimes feel it a conspiracy only so his family don't find out about me.  I get it they want to keep his reputation.

Comment by Darien on January 27, 2017 at 11:30pm

Hi Rain, I haven't seen much activity on here in a while. I try and answer people when I get a notification, but was busier than usual and didn't get out here to comment as quickly as I would have liked.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Comment by Rain on January 19, 2017 at 9:50am
Is anyone still active in this group? I have been searching for a group of this kind that understands this type of pain.
Comment by Darien on August 7, 2016 at 3:20pm

I fell hard and fast for a man I met in April of this year. He and his wife had just called it quits after 24 yrs together. For three years he tried to work things out with his wife who was having an affair. She wouldn't stop lying or cheating, so he decided to divorce. They hadn't filed yet.
He and I were only together for two months before he suddenly broke things off. We agreed to stay friends but I took three weeks away from him to process my hurt over him playing the field a little. He didn't want to get right back into another relationship and was worried about me being a rebound. I had finally decided I was over my hurt feelings and would give him a call in a few days. He died of a heart attack that night.
I never had a chance to talk to him about his reasons for the break up. I always thought that we'd talk it through and I would be able to win him back after he'd gotten done being that little boy in a candy store and the divorce was final. And now, suddenly, I'm completely devastated. I cannot accept that I'll never see, talk to, or touch him again. He was such an amazing man. How can I be this devastated in two months time? How can I be so in love with someone I barely knew?
I read through all your stories out here and see myself in most every one. The wanting something of his, the search to connect into his life somehow, wanting to reach out to his wife and children, the inability to be public about my grief or my love for him. 
Like so many of you, I find that there are no local support groups, counselors don't really seem interested in counseling this sort of grief, and I feel like an idiot even talking to friends about it. After all, he'd broken up with me, they keep saying.
I just never had time to process my feelings for him.

Comment by Tracey Randolph on August 7, 2015 at 6:21pm
I have also been looking for a resource and support
Comment by Peter on August 7, 2015 at 3:38pm

Is anyone still here?  There really is very little support out there.  I bought the book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" and there is only one paragraph in the book regarding being the other man/woman.

Comment by Cathy Richardson on March 17, 2015 at 9:34pm
Lynden -please email me at catrich1964 @gmail.com
Comment by Lynden on March 17, 2015 at 3:00pm

Is there anyone still active in this group? I am currently in this situation and finding few places to turn, and few people to turn to outside of my therapist who is paid to be nonjudgmental. I have a huge hole in my life that I have to pretend isn't there.

Comment by Ali on December 15, 2014 at 3:01pm
My names Ali, and I was the other woman to a much older man. He was my heart and soul, and I was his. His wife was seeing someone else as well, but they decided not to divorce due to their son having a disability and them not being sure if he'd understand. He passed away in January and since then I've been a mess. I can't stand being alone, and the thought of being with anyone else is complete torcher. Nobody seems to understand.
Comment by Annie M on October 16, 2014 at 1:19pm

Dave, It will be 9 months on the 21st for me and I can tell you that it does get easier.  As life goes on, and it must, I find myself thinking less about my guy and more about what I am going to do to make the most out of the rest of my life.  I'm 72 and probably don't have that many more years to do my best but every day I do try to keep busy and look for ways to be helpful to those that need help.  It isn't an easy road but one we have to travel if we want to ever be normal again.  One regret, out of many, that I have is that I wasn't more present in our relationship.  I always thought there would be more time but then all of a sudden there wasn't any more.  That relationship changed me to the core and I'll never be the same again.  Please know, Dave, that my prayers are with you to get through this a day at a time and that you come out on the other side of this a person that your lady could be proud of.  God bless and keep you, Annie M  

 

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Latest Activity

Darien replied to Suzette Laree Arch's discussion 4 months and I can't stop crying in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"I don't think I have any special strength. I still miss David every day. And I have a wonderful man in my life who understands because he still misses his wife every day. And yet, we have a very strong and loving relationship with each other.…"
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Patricia Chavez posted a discussion

So painful without my mommy

Hi my name is Patricia ,  I’m a new member.. I cared for my mom in my home for 15 years .. last year she started getting weak. I don’t speak to any my sisters either , they are accusing me of helping Hospice poison my mother with morphine .. They never helped me care for my mom, I’d have to beg them and they always caused an argument and would block themselves from phone calls to help with my mom .. They I would go as far as to call my mother and I ask my mom “why doesn’t Patricia put you in a…See More
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Marjorie Willcox commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm on mertazapine which I take mid evening.it makes me sleep all night but have no trouble waking up."
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L.O commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Well been to drs again and they still cant find out why im having chest pains (in even had a heart scan) They put me on new meds mirtazapine but im afraid to take them as i heard its hard to wake up and having young children i need to be able to get…"
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3F217BF3-97E9-46CE-A7FE-184C8E653505

My love Kris and I in Salzburg Austria in 2011
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"Everyday is a struggle now"
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Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More
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