Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 29, 2016 at 9:12pm

Oh maxey, I am so sorry for your pain; every word you wrote speaks to me; except for me it is 3 months today since I lost my sweet husband. I cannot bear this pain and as you say, the silence is almost deafening after Christmas. I'm always just so aware of his absence from my life. Seeing the few friends I have who bother with me helps, for a bit, but then I'm always just right back here. I too just don't know how to carry on without him, life is unbearable. Like you, I don't want to be here without him. I talk to his picture and I write to him in a journal every day, I so want to just speak to him again and have him reply. Every night I crawl in to bed next to his dressing gown stuffed with his pillows and I ask if I can have a cuddle but he never replies & I cry myself to sleep. I don't know how we get through this, I feel so lost all the time, I feel like I just exist. I don't know what else to say, not the most uplifting post I know. I guess I just want to say you're not alone x

Permalink Reply by Carl accomando on December 29, 2016 at 9:20pm

Hi Maxey,I know what you mean I just spent the holiday with my family when I got home the silence was to much to bare it only made me sad I sit here every day waiting for something and I don't know what .I don't know what to do or ware to go I'm lost and can't think of spending my life like this if it wasn't for my grandkids I don't know if I'd go on but they were my wife's life and I can't have them morn both of us so I will try to survive but all I can do is tryI'm

Permalink Reply by Mark on December 29, 2016 at 10:30pm

HI Maxey, I pray things will get better for you. It will be three years in March for me and I still struggle my wife Patty suffered terribly with lung cancer she was 58. We went through the process for better than a year before she finally passed and I thought I had dealt with my grief but this year was my worst our anniversary was December 21, then Christmas I feel so alone and wish I could have traded places with her. I will always love her but also know I will see her again someday which gives me hope. I asked God to give us all the strength we need to make it through.
God bless you
Mark

Permalink Reply by Carl accomando on December 29, 2016 at 11:06pm

Hello Mark,I lost my wife last month to lung cancer she also suffered but from the treatment it is what got her so I can relate to your pain it's still new to me living it over in my mind every day .

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 30, 2016 at 5:50am

Maxey,

The 27th was the first anniv. of my husband's death.  Unbearable.  We were married almost 57 years and still felt like two young kids.  When I come into the house I always yell out..."I'm home".  Dear God...why doesn't John answer?  I know exactly how you feel.  You are not alone.  I start my day thinking of him and I go to bed with him on my mind.  I am luckier than my friends in our Grief Group.  I can still hear his voice.  I have no idea how I have lived this long without him.........There are no words are there.  This is just to let you know that you are not alone in your grief.  I kiss his beautiful picture.  If I could be with him now, I would gladly go. 

Oleta

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 30, 2016 at 6:21am

Maxey,

Your words express exactly how I feel, all I want to do is join my Husband. It has been 4 years without his smile and touch. They say it is suppose to get better but it doesn't, it gets worse. God Help Us All.  

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 30, 2016 at 6:33am

It really does not get better.  My tears flow as they did a bit over a year ago.  He is always on my mind.  I want him back.  I scream silently.  I wonder if he knew that he was the best thing to ever happen in my life?  We said "I love you" to each other daily but did he know that I am who and what I am because of him?

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 30, 2016 at 9:13am

I'm back and it's to say that unless a person has lost a spouse that was dearly loved, they have NO CLUE what we are going through.  I resent people who say, "I know just how you feel,"  when they clearly have no idea of our pain and grief.   I would rather hear an honest...."I can ONLY IMAGINE how you must feel".  My life, my feelings my entire outlook will never be the same.  I have lost the best part of me.  The part that was good and true.  It's almost impossible to think of a new year without him.  I can see why Debbie Reynolds died.  I sat in HIS chair for five months and begged him to come and take me with him.

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 30, 2016 at 10:52am

Oleta - I've had people tell me they know how I feel and it never ceases to make me angry. I am a young widow too and I've had people tell me I'll be fine, I'll meet someone else and be happy again. It's just so dismissive of the pain I feel and everything I've lost to suggest I can ever replace him, even if I wanted to. It makes me feel so angry; it's like because I am young it doesn't matter so much that my husband died. I think it very unlikely if I was in my 70's that anyone would say that. Last night before I went to bed I begged to die in my sleep so I could be with him. When I saw that Debbie Reynolds died I was a little envious of her, she gets to be with her beloved daughter and not go through all this pain. I wish I could follow her example.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 30, 2016 at 11:43am

Louise,

By the way, Louise is my middle name.  It's difficult to believe these people think they understand.  They are trying to be kind but I wonder how they would feel if they lost a child and one of us who had never had such a horrible thing happen said, "Oh, I know JUST how you feel."  I believe they would want to strike out and hit us and really, I wouldn't blame them.  I may remarry some day, the chances are better that I would be kidnapped by a terrorist...but it would be for companionship.  I know why people my age never re-marry.  Not too manly of us left and we are set in our ways.  Right now, this second, I would give anything to be with John.  I can still smell the back of his neck, hear his voice and I know that no one else in the world would ever love me a he did.  I have wonderful friends in my grief group and we all feel the same.   My husband died from Cardiac Arrest....just like Carrie.  The good side of it was that he was unconscious in a flash and never regained consciousness.  His was a peaceful death and he never knew what happened.  I really do want him back...dream  on.

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 30, 2016 at 12:20pm

Oleta

What you wrote about missing your husband and wanting him back made me cry. I'm so sorry. I feel the same, I carry his picture around with me, and this little piece of black volcanic stone he picked up on our honeymoon. I wear his t-shirts with funny slogans on them and I think about him every minute of every day. Every night we used to sit up in bed and cuddle and I used to run my fingers through his hair, I would give my right arm to hold him again, to feel his hair run through my fingers. He truly was my soulmate, I knew it the moment I met him; I felt like I'd known him for years and it was like being struck by lightning. It was like that every day for the 10 wonderful, amazing, beautiful years we shared. We were so alike, I felt like he was the male version of me, people even said we looked alike. He made me feel like I could be my true self with him in every way and he loved me with all my faults and I him. I can't bear being without him. It hurts so much all the time. It's 3 months today since he was pronounced dead and left my world empty and joyless and I haven't stopped crying. I'd do anything to have him back, anything.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on December 30, 2016 at 3:39pm

Hi Oleta,

I can relate to you and Louise's posts. It has been 4 years since I lost my wonderful Husband to cancer. I am sick of hearing you should be over him and to start a new life. What new life he was my life. They just don't get it. Everyday he is on my mind and I would give anything to have him back. I can't imagine any man even coming close to what he gave me. I have no interest in starting a new life and still pray that God will take t me to him. I hate all holidays and have lost some of my faith in God, I pray and nothing is ever answered.

 

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