Carl accomando
  • Male
  • Winterville, NC
  • United States

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About my Loss:
Lost my wife last week after 43 years of marriage after a long battle with cancer

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At 5:09pm on January 31, 2017, Michael said…
I would but i have nothing to do with Roanoke va. Im in boston.
At 11:05am on January 14, 2017, Michael said…
Im in boston, carl.
At 10:30am on January 10, 2017, kathleen akin said…

Carl, thank you for the friend request.

At 5:47pm on January 9, 2017, kathleen akin said…

Hi Carl. I so remember going through just what you describe. All the stupid details! And at such a horrible time when all you want to do is lay in bed and cry.

How long were you married?

I had to file bankruptcy because Rocky had no money saved and no life insurance. What a mess. I got through it. Crying all the way.

What meds are you taking (if you don't want to say that's ok) I take Wellbutrin and some new drug Vyrall (I think) it's new and I'm not sure but I think between the two I can keep myself under control. I'm not sobbing constantly anymore. I'm able to get stuff done that needs doing. It's not a fix or anything, but it helps. Meds take a while to work.

I haven't attempted to do anything with his office so I know what you mean. It feels overwhelming. So I just don't. It will happen when it happens. I wish one of my daughters would come and help me, but I don't even want to ask. Its just so I just look at it once and a while, then shut the door.

And I'm lonely too. So very lonely. I don't know if that ever lets up.

I wish you well....I know what you are feeling if that helps at all.


At 3:56am on December 30, 2016, Mel Royer said…

Hi Carl,  So sorry about your loss....Nancy was a native Roanoker and I am from Iowa...I got a job through the trades at a local radio station and moved to Roanoke.  Nancy and I met at a divorce support group at a local church and 2 years later were married in 1991.  SO, I am a transplanted Iowan who is now a Roanoker for the past 26 years. If you gett o towm let me know and we could get together. I always wonder what all the folks here look like...a get together wold be really something.    Mel

At 1:04am on December 20, 2016, Maxey said…
Hi, Carl,
I lost my husband after 55+ years of a wonderful, loving marriage. It has been just over a year, and I think of him every day. It has not gotten better, but I just try to keep busy and distracted. Meltdowns come and go if a memory is sparked, and I believe I will never really be over this loss. The brain will not allow us to erase memories, and I wouldn't want to, but the memories are double edged. They bring the ache and longing for them to be real again.
I have said this before on this post that these "golden years", that are supposed to be filled with comfort and ease, should not end this way. We were supposed to lay back and really enjoy life and the love of our lives. It seems so unfair that this is the way we now have to live.
Life seems to be dealing us a cruel hand.
Try to keep distracted, or you will drown in sorrow. You will cry and sob and maybe you will have to do this for a while. Sooner or later, you will realize you must do something to ease the pain - be it a hobby, friends, work or something. If not, you will be in a constant bad place.
At 8:58pm on December 19, 2016, Michael said…
I wish i could give you some advice. But there is none. It is horrible. Im just trying to stay alive another day. Ive tried counseling, grief groups -- all seem like bullshit but they may help you. Its been 2 months for me and just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Christmas alone will be tough. I wish you the best. Maybe you are tougher than me.
At 7:48pm on December 19, 2016, Carl accomando said…
It's only 3 weeks that I lost my love of my life of 43 years trying to hold together but being alone is unbearable any advice or help would be appreciated
At 7:49pm on December 8, 2016, Carl Accomando said…

Yes this is hard hardest is night time seems like the whole day catches up with you

At 7:28pm on December 8, 2016, morgan said…


this is a hard, rough road called grief and you will find it impossible at times.  Just take baby steps.  Don't expect anything of yourself.  You are too much in shock.  Try to do one or two things a day.  A shower and eat will be about all you can do for months.  

This is also a good website to read for you will begin to understand that what you are feeling is what happens so it is not strange.  Everything people write about you will be feeling.  And cry.  That is for me one of the things that releases the pressure.  I have cried rivers in the past three years and ten months.  

I am sos sorry you are here but it truly is one of the best places to be.  Most of the outside world cannot understand the pain of losing your spouse but we can.  Nothing can prepare you for what this is like so all of us share what we can.  

Take it an hour at a time and if that is too much take it by the minute.  And most of us keep going.  It's all we've got.  Take care Carl.


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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks, Jeff. It just hit me really hard, that sense of a lack of coziness, warmth, home. Even the simple pleasures aren't pleasures now. In the past, during the winter, when it would snow and my husband and I would be cuddled up in bed…"
3 hours ago
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"So sad and so understandable.  I like what you said about how any sense of coziness is gone.  That says so much."
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Diana, Grief Recovery Coach commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
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