Here we are another year and no sons...Life is so changed. I just can not log in daily, it became overwhelming.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words. Keep in touch.

Sandy,

Thank you so much for everything- it's nice having a new friend I can share with since my previous one is now gone. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your experiences as well. I shall pray for you and your family as well. We all just need each other to lean on. I hope you have a great day. :) please know that you are truly uplifting me in my time of need. I feel like I have just made friends with an angel. Thanks again and I look forward to talking with you more soon. (Hopefully soon we'll have some more positive statements- but in time).

Morning Sandy. Thank you for responding and your kind words and understanding. Tomorrow marks 3 months to the day and just that thought makes my stomach knot up. His birthday is also this month and to make it worse it's the day before my sons so it'll always be upfront and in my face. I'm trying to distract with planning my son's party. It's just to loose the person that you know you were made for each other- I just feel like I'm drifting and the only thing holding me down in reality is my son (who looks and has a heart just like his father) there are times I just hold him and won't let go. I know it's not fair to put something that adult on an 8 year old- especially when he is trying to deal too- but it kind of works well that we are just both there for each other. I know it has been hard on him but it's so hard to get him to open up I am trying to walk a fine line to help him withouthim feeling like I'm pushing. Thanks for recommending the book I will definately look for it. As for church- the ironic thing is we were very active as a family in our church and very close to the preacher and his familly (we were always over at their house and doing things with them) but I have only been back once since my husband's pasing. It's like I can be around a crowd of people if they don't know my situation (like shopping, etc) but my anxiety level starts going up high at the thought of being around those that know. I know they mean well, but to have everyone constantly coming up and saying/asking the same things "how are you" "is there anything we can do" "I know it must be difficult" etc. Just to face everyone, it puts that pit in my stomach and I just can't get myself to go. We still read our bibles and pray daily so we maintain our personal relationship with God but I just can't bring myself to go back yet. Anyway, sorry to ramble again (even though you sad it's perfectly ok to) but to be able to speak (sort of) to someone who knows personally what I'm going through it just feels so good because I haven't had that (some family and friends but they son't fully get it). So thank you again. I appreciate it and do feel like a little bit of weight is starting to lift.