Brenda Ann,

Thank you for the friend request. I hope I was not rude in what I said -- it was clear from your post that you meant well by what you said, and I did not take offense. It's just that I cannot believe in a loving god who would let my husband die and leave me here.

So if you're ok with being online friends with an agnostic who hates god if there is one, then it's ok with me. :) 

Thank you.  Missing him with major life things going on right now

Thank you Brenda for the friend request, God Bless you :)

i wanted to say heloo and hope you are having a good day

Thank you Brenda. So far , so good today.

Hi, What is the red ribbon?  I have been having a really rough time. I know I am in denial but knowing it doesn't help me. Sara's memorial was a week ago today and I still can't believe she is gone. None of my friends are really interested in my grieving. I think they just expect me to get on with it. There are no words of encourgement or sympathy like there was only one week ago. I try to talk to them but they change the subject. It is like they never really cared at all. I feel so alone in my heart during this time of my loss. Losing a child is the hardest thing I can imagine.  I just don't have the support that I had before. I don't know if I mentioned before but I have a problem with  driving or getting out of the house and that makes it harder too. I have a strong touch of minor agoraphobia. I call it minor because I am able to go out with others but not alone. I just can't take this depression and denial anymore. I can't seem to get beyond it. Hospice is calling me early in the week for a phone session because I am so disabled about going out. I hope this will be good. I feel so guilty about not going out and, again, no one understands it. I have been having this problem for a long time now. Not just because of Sara. All I want is my Sara back. I keep thinking why can't she walk through the door and sit down with me and talk like we did. I miss her so much. I love you were her final words and it tears me up. I just want her back. She was on life support for 4 months and even though I knew down deep what was going to happen I still can't accept it. Thanks for listening to me go on and on. Please use my email to reply. binkipi@yahoo.com. Thanks so much.

Thank you for your nice reply in the month of March, yes my faith in God is strong (BUT) when loss seems to be all you receive I have doubts, not of Gods love that I could never doubt my Aunt was proof of Gods love.  I wouldn't try suicide I've tried it to many times starting at the age of 9, a few years ago I almost made it.  They used paddles, CPR woke up with tubs  oxygen it was a real mess and I paid the price with 2 years of my freedom they county decided where I lived, who my doctors where, how my money was spent.  The worse was the pain in my girls eyes and my Aunt so never again but I pray every day God that he takes me home.  Why or how he can leave me here with all the pain, yet he takes baby's and children who have their hole life ahead of them I don't understand.  My loving Aunt laying in bed dying I couldn't leave her side, yet my youngest daughter in the state of Alaska going in premature labor losing my granddaughter and her son Kadden having open heart surgery he was just barley a year old.  Enough already the pains enough I'm 54 I'm tired. But thanks for all of you who cared enough to reply.  I've just been to sad to say thank you my doctor says it's normal to grieve like this but my hearts heavy and hurting that's all I see and feel is pain.  Thank you and Bless all of you

Thanks for the hugs!  Yes, this is a very hard time for us. No parent should have to lose a child.  It is very hard to see her like this and know that we are going to lose her. I am disabled to but I can walk through my small apartment but then have to sit down to get relief from the pain. I am sorry for your situation.  I am scared. I can't really handle this with my daughter, Sara. I don't know how I get through each day. All I do is pray for her and the rest of our small family. I have a son, Gabe, who is 34 years old and married to a wonderful girl. My ex has a girlfriend of 22 years who is helping out beyond belief. They have taken in my grandson, Isiah, and are raising him as their own. My ex is also handling all of Sara's medical bills, insurance and all other paper work. Bless them both. I really am alone though and am having a hard time. Laura has been very helpful and we talk via email. If you want to do that let me know and I will give you my email address. Again, thanks for the hugs.

Thanks Brenda. It's been really tough. 

In my deepest places, I believe that loss is loss, and the pain of it is all-encompassing. Who or what was lost does not bear a degree. Your loss is every bit as profound and may be more so to your heart. I discovered some things about my grief journey that have helped me get moving again. Namely I was intent not to hurt again that I hugged my hurt to myself, and in doing so, I shut down the things that make me feel alive and energized. Part of this is sharing who Michael was to me, and who he was to others. When I detached from that and made a decision to share with the people I love and he loved, the response was truly overwhelming. I had hold of that truth early on but somewhere along the way I let go of it. As for how I am coming along, I feel like I am coming back to reality after a long sleep. Parts of me are tingling and parts are still numb but I see a little light and I think I am going to be okay. :)

What a sweet picture. Who is that, Brenda? BTW, GREAT name... :)

Brenda in one of your posts you ask what you could tell your sister in law that has recently lost her husband.  If you live close enough to follow through on offers of help then this is what I needed in those first few months. 

As often as you can call the night before and tell her you are bringing over muffins, fruit, whatever she might be tempted to eat, the next morning at 9am.  Then go.  It is so hard to eat alone!!  and eating breakfast might be the easiest meal to tolerate if her stomach has been rebelling.  This can apply to any meal actually.  You have no idea how long a week can be when you are hurting and alone.

Offering to help is great, but follow through with specific times, dates, missions.  For example, call and say Im going to the grocery store thisafternoon, do you want to come with me?  When she says no, ask if you can pick anything up for her.  When she says no, pick up the basics anyway, bread, milk, her favorite snack, a package of meat, some fresh fruit and veggies.  If she doesnt eat it she can freeze it but chances are if its in the fridge she will use it.

Make a batch of cookies so she has something to offer people who stop by to see her.  I dont know how many times I wished I had even store bought cookies in the cupboard to serve with tea and by the time visiters left I went right back into zombie mode and didnt have the energy or desire to shower let alone bake.

Tell her, and mean it! that you will always love her no matter what and you will always be there to listen.  Tell her you are not hurt more by her showing her tears.  Tell her yes you loved him and miss him but you know she is feeling those things times a thousand.  Let her know she has a person who will give her space to grieve and be there at the same time. 

So many people offered me help, said they would be there for me and then waited for me to let them know what I needed.  Im telling you that I didnt know what I needed so how could I ask?  But when the few people who understood that would call with a specific like I mentioned above it was such a huge gift.  So if you are not physically close enough to do these things and you know some of the family that are, please pass this along to them.  She will thank you later.  And thank you for caring enough about her to ask!!!!