I am 58...widowed...and so alone even in a crowd that I can't stand the pain anymore..I met a man who is so supportive and comforting and yet I keep running from him...all I want is happiness , peace , love and sharing in my life...very simple things ...and this man who is so comforting ...I don't know why I run...
Now several months after I wrote this..I run because I still love my husband and aren't ready for another man in my life...
About my Loss:
in chronological order:
21 year old daughter
51 year old cousin
closest friend of 30 years. (she also lost a son)
my only sibling to suicide at 51
both in-laws who I cared for a week apart
my husband to lung and bone cancer after a 3 1/2 year fight...and he fought...
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You have gone through so much... loss after loss..I feel for you but I really do not know what words bring comfort..just that you are not alone and you are very very brave...Don't run away from new relationships because they could be the blessing and love one needs to live with a degree of composure and happiness...love to you.
I was reading your entry about being in Kohls and having to run out. I use to get panic attacks in the mall and have to run out. The other day I saw an elderly lady driving in a car pass me and she looked so much like my mom I cried myself to sleep that night. I understand how you feel seeing people together having fun. I want to shot "do you know how lucky you are"!!!!!!! But one day to they will be crying like we are. I have a Golden retriever and 5 cats. Do you have any pets to love you back?????
Hi Ariel, thanks for writing back. I'm glad I could encourage you a little bit. I know it's hard. I hope we can stay in touch. Hang in there sister. Enjoy your time with your guy and if i may offer a suggestion.... it would be to just open up and be honest with him. Tell him that your scared. You may need a little more time, if so tell him. Or tell him you want to take it slow. He'll understand. If God has placed him in your life, he will be there, with you and for you. Have a good week. I'll be thinking of you and will pray for comfort and strength on Sunday, k?
I'm sorry for all you've gone through. I kinda feel like God is saying "Trust Me with this". Don't through this new relationship under the bus quite yet. Give it some time and trust God to help you open up your heart again. Who knows, maybe God is sending you an "angel".
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"Wise words in response to Elynn, Joe. And Ellyn, I have the same routine and feelings. I scream along working to reestablish myself in a new location which has taken me the last three years out of the seven plus that he has been gone. Then I keep…"