Kathleen Jordan
  • Female
  • Lake Placid, FL
  • United States
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Kathleen Jordan replied to Connie miller's discussion Cancer executed him!
"Girl, (Don't take that wrong), I agree. but mine happened in  such a different way.   My love had health issues, but he didn't pay attention because of my cancer diagnosis. Sooo...I survived, but he didn't.  FUCK…"
Mar 12
Kathleen Jordan posted a blog post

Trying to move on

It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I need…See More
Mar 12

Profile Information

About Me:
I am 52, a high school teacher, and it took me 3 marriages/divorces and 16 years to find the love of my life. I ride motorcycles, sew, have a wonderful daughter and cowboy grandson. I have cats and a dog (thanks to my protective daughter) and live in the boonies.
About my Loss:
My significant other was in a horrible motorcycle accident in March of 2015. He was in ICU for 3 weeks, had 2 rods in his back from T5-T12, and left the hospital 4 weeks after his accident. I was his care giver all summer, and then I had to go back to work. He moved forward, even got back on the bike and became tough again(for the ride). He refused to take opioids and hated the follow up doctors he had. It took until he was so swelled that he couldn't get in his tennis shoes and I had been diagnosed with breast cancer before he finally went to the emergency room. By that time, it was too late. His liver was failing (cirrhosis), and one hospital sent him home with meds he couldn't take. I had my lumpectomy on Friday and he went back in the hospital Monday. He left the hospital on Saturday, October 15th, 2016--his 49th birthday--and signed himself into hospice. He stayed home. He was lucid for about three days and passed that Friday. We were fighting for his social security, but since we weren't married, he got a letter after he died that he wasn't eligible because he was deceased.

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Kathleen Jordan's Blog

Trying to move on

It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I…

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Posted on March 12, 2019 at 1:40am

Anniversary Dates

Last night was tough....very tough.  2 years ago, I thought he was going to die then. It was an emotional month while he was in ICU and step down.  But, it was the same date (5 months ago) that he went to his peace and I went here.  Today was not good either...especially when my mom realized what yesterday was and facebook showed a memory of him last year...almost healthy.  Some one said that the dates are hard, but it gets more routine.

There are times that I  wonder if I was too…

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Posted on March 22, 2017 at 6:15pm

I don't know what to title this

Tomorrow is that day....that horrible day when everything started to go to crap.  When he quit cooking for our riders, he went on a memorial run for a friend of ours that got in an accident the year before....the day that he got into his accident....and died in the ambulance.....I saw the chopper set down, and an acquaintance of mine ran out as the paramedic...and I yelled at him..."That's my hunny in there!  PLEASE take care of him!"....That was 2 years ago.    Yes, I got him for an extra…

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Posted on March 20, 2017 at 10:30pm

Memories

Maybe I'm strange. I enjoy my memories.  Granted, it's tough and time is making it a little easier, but I think that it is only because I am learning how to "behave" when I remember.  I felt extremely lucky to have my hunny for the extra year and a half that I got. He died in the ambulance at his accident and if his C1 had chipped 1 mm the other way, he would've died or been paralyzed. Even though that year and a half was hard--I was caregiver for 5 months while he grew in strength and…

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Posted on March 17, 2017 at 9:36pm

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Profile IconKayla and Jazi joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
Friday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
Friday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Coartney Hale updated their profile
Thursday
Coartney Hale posted photos
Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
May 15
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
May 15
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
May 15
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
May 15
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
May 15
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
May 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
May 14
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
May 14

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