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What's Next?

For those that have been changed to the core by their loss, but have to survive in the now.

Members: 4
Latest Activity: Jun 17

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What are you doing, other than this forum, to contend with the changes in your life?Personally, I have started writing. I hope that I can create a product that will encourage others in their time of…Continue

Started by Kathleen Jordan Jun 20, 2019.

How and Who

Simply a beginning to gauge where each of us stand.  My love signed himself into hospice at 48...on his birthday....because....that's something that still torments me....Because the health care where…Continue

Started by Kathleen Jordan Jun 20, 2019.

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Comment by Brian Sodoma on June 17, 2022 at 12:24am

Hi Kathleen,

I was intrigued by your title "What's next?" I feel that often we can all get caught up in the story of our grief, our pain and trauma. Not that it's not important. This pain is real. It comes and goes, but lives within us forever. But I too am curious about next steps, maybe not in a "moving on" sort of way, but more in a "what has this grief thing taught me" way.

I often find myself asking fellow grievers how the experience has changed them. I lost my daughter to leukemia five years ago, and yes there are times when I still feel haunted by the experience. Sure, it hurts, but I feel there's a little more to the whole thing.

I am grateful for having the time with my daughter (she passed before her 9th birthday) and even in losing her, I am grateful for an immense and almost immediate internal shift in priority in my life. That was a good thing. The experience taught me so much about needs, wants, realizing when I might be being a little selfish and Narcissistic at times, etc. I also feel I can prioritize what a "real" problem is versus when it's just my ego or unnecessary fears creeping in.

I would never call my daughter's passing a blessing, but it has indeed shaped my perspective and priorities in a good way. It has helped me better define what true stress and problems are, and it has made many things in life easier as a result. I can let go of emotional attachment to a lot of things that caused me stress and pain in the past, be they financial concerns, relationship concerns, and more. Again, not a bad thing. I would go back to being ignorant in a heart beat to bring my kid back, but I do almost feel like I'm obliged to take the lesson and apply it.

Again, I'm very interested in what people learn from their grief and how they leverage it into living their life. I think these experiences can help us to make different and better decisions for ourselves and others around us. When all we're talking about is our broken heart, though, it's hard to tap a renewed perspective that may be percolating inside. Just my two cents.

Anyway, thanks for starting the group, it would be nice if we can kick some thoughts around with a few others. Take care. Brian

Comment by Kathleen Jordan on June 20, 2019 at 11:01pm

I have been a member of this site for a few years now, and one of the most depressing things I see is people that are lost in the loss. I have many friends IRL that I thought I understood; now I actually do. Folks that still are single after 20 years, and those that have found someone to love. I simply want this to be as therapeutic as it can, and to learn and grow from others' experiences.

I still miss my hunny every single day, and love turning the computer on so that I can see his smiling face. But no one understands what we've been through unless they've gone through it themselves. This is a  place to share. Please,  feel welcome...and maybe together, we can figure out how to move forward.

 

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Julie posted a status
"I don’t know how to handle the death of my son I feel like I’m just fading away"
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7 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, too.  As for me -- same as it has been since my husband died. I don't expect it will ever change. I know what you mean about being over the shock, and I suppose it's usually/mostly that way for me as well, but…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, Bluebird.  Thanks for asking.  Just dealing with this awful reality 6 years later.  I'm over the shock and and am just dealing with the way it is.  How are you, otherwise?"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks, Jeff. How are you doing?"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I get it.  You are so right about what's happening to this country."
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"The 4th of July is my husband's favorite holiday -- mostly because of all the cookouts/barbecues/food, but also because of the fireworks. So, as with so many other things since he died, I find that I can't celebrate it. There's simply…"
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