Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ruth on August 5, 2011 at 11:38am

Dear Stephanie,

I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss in the death of your son, Johrdan.  As you read and post here you will find that many of us have the same reactions you and your family are having.  The physical symptoms are real and you might want to discuss them with your doctor.  Grief is very debilitating to the fittest of us and if we are not in tip-top shape can bring other conditions to a head.  I don't know what to say or how to help your children with the loss of their brother.  I am the matriarch in my family now and just making sure the lines of communication are open/functioning can be overwhelming.  Each of us has their own timeline and way; if you are troubled by something happening there, you can post about it or read the archives of your group.  Both have been very, very helpful to me.  God Bless You and Yours, Ruth

Permalink Reply by coachlouise on August 5, 2011 at 1:15pm

Dear Stephanie, Tears fall from my eyes as I read your post. Our bodies do indeed feel our pain. Thank you for writing, it helps to get some of your emotion out to express your feelings. Take one day at a time,  this is huge  the highest mountain you may ever climb, remember to breath, take deep breaths, pay attention to any sign. Look at the many signs under

• after death experiences

Write them down, even if they seem silly, or weird, your now in the mist of creating a new relationship with your son, all relationships take time. Write down your dreams. I send you love and compassion. Coach Louise

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on August 5, 2011 at 4:11pm

Stephanie,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My 20 year old daughter died in a car accident 3½ months ago. I still expect her to walk in the door. It is just devastating that you have joined this horrible "club" none of us wanted to join.

 

Sandy

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 5, 2011 at 6:32pm

Greetings Stephanie, my heart aches with yours, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. This sad club is involuntary membership. I could feel each one of your words as I read them. I know your pain all too well. I am still suffering from the loss of my 21 yr old son, about 20-22 months ago, I try to avoid counting the time passed, I will NEVER accept what has happened to my son and it will NEVER be "ok"!  My pain and sorrow and anger have not lessoned one bit, if anything, it's only gotten worst!  My son was riding his friend's motorcycle on a residential street where he was chased and rammed into an oncoming vehicle, this has been confirmed by multiple witnesses, mainly by the young girl whose car struck my son, also 21 yrs old. Thank goodness she, neither her passenger, were seriously hurt but unfortunately my son sustained a massive brain injury and passed away a week later after fighting for his life while in the ICU-intensive care unit. To make matters worst, my son was in ICU for at least 30 hrs before we knew where he was, he came in as a 'john doe'! He had already had surgery to remove the left side of his skull to try to relieve the pressure from the swelling. I stayed with my son at his bedside, I moved in. My husband had to literally feed me and hold cups of tea to my mouth. 

 

I am simply devastated, I am broken and I want my son back!  I am sorry that I dont have any encouraging or comforting words, except, this site means so much to me because my feelings and thoughts are validated and not judged. Once again, so sorry.                          Keep writing!

Permalink Reply by anne on August 11, 2011 at 8:57pm

Wow do I know the feeling. When my youngest son died at the age of 12 in a fiery car accident my oldest son was driving. They weren't drinking but they were fooling around and not paying attention. My daughters are all grown up now but our lives will never be the same or even close to it. My oldest son was also killed in a car accident 9 years later and my oldest daughter was driving. A man blew through a stop sign on the highway and t-boned my daughters car leaving her handicapped and my son dead. I too fear for my daughters lives every day.I too am grateful that the others in the car were not killed but i also weep for my sons and wish for them to come home. I know that will never happen but I still wish it. Alot of people say that time makes no difference but it did to me. As the time goes by I learn everyday how to live again slowly. I dont think that the saddness or the yearing for them ever goes away, but for me time has eased the greif. I have been through all the things that other parents who have lost a child feel and do, twice. I have gone through the 5 steps forwards and backwards, but the step I find the hardest to acheive is acceptance. This whole process sucks and there's no way to prepare for any of it.There's no rules and no instructions, and no time limits. I take each day as it comes and sometimes it's one minute at a time. I just keep telling myself that I have no control over some things that happen to me but i can control how I handle it. It's different for everyone. For me it's taken a very long time to come to grips with the deaths of my beautiful sons. You are very new to this world of greif. Give yourself time and patience. Writing on this site gives me an escape and a way to express the feelings that no one else wants to see or hear. We are all here for you. You are not alone. Peace to you.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 11, 2011 at 11:17pm

dear Anne and everyone, I really appreciate your encouraging words that you said to Stephanie. I am sorry for your tremendous losses, so tragic. I hope that one day my grief will be softened with time. You are right about this process sucking. I am still amazed that somehow I get through each day. My heart is with each and everyone of you, thanks.