Stephanie Stone-Merrick
  • Female
  • Morrill, NE
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 39 years old, I'm married with 5 kids. My husband is an over the road trucker and I'm a stay at home mom.
About my Loss:
My son Johrdan Jaymes Stone, died on June 20, 2011 in underage alcohol related car accident in which his cousin *Bryan, 18* was driving under the influence. Johrdan had just graduated from high school the month before on his 18th birthday. He had earned a Hathaway scholarship to our local community college, but had decided to attend the Art Institute of Colorado for culinary arts, he wanted to be a chef. Johrdan was a gifted and kind person. He liked to help others and make them laugh. Johrdan had always been trustworthy and I had never had a real problem with him. He was wonderful older brother, always willing to help take care of his younger siblings. He was especially close with his 5 year old sister, they were always together when they had the chance. I miss him so much.

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Stephanie Stone-Merrick's Blog

EXHAUSTED AND OVERWHELMED

I'm so exhausted. I feel like that's all I ever say anymore. Just wiped out. I don't want to take care of my house, or the bills, or the laundry, or take my kids to their appts, or try to keep up appearances so that others aren't put out. I want some time to absorb and digest this. To freak the hell out without scaring my other kids. I'm tired of my husband staring at me or being rude to me b/c I'm not "acting like I'm happy". He's always watching me, he's either angry b/c I've got my game…

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Posted on August 31, 2011 at 9:26pm

Ugh-where are my rights??

I am so pissed off. I went all the way down to the courthouse today *45 minutes away* b/c there was supposed to be a hearing for the boy who procured the alcohol for my nephew and son. But when I got there it had been postponed, and they had made that decision 4 days ago. When I asked why I wasn't informed, I was told that as I wasn't a subpeoned witness they weren't obligated to tell me when pre-trial motions are changed, postponed or the like. It infuriated me. I spent the last 2 days and… Continue

Posted on August 29, 2011 at 8:03pm

My Son, My Dreams, My Loss

I am lonely for you, for your laughter and the music of your life

the painted days of of summer have moved on and left you behind

soon there will be a change in the seasons and I am scared

I cry as if I'm going to split and your loss is as though I've had an amputation

 

The phantom of memories I ache to touch but there is nothing

I lay across my bed and weep my tears into my arms

where as a baby I rocked you in them and comforted…

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Posted on August 29, 2011 at 7:26pm

No Words for Me

I believe there are no words to explain what your death has done to me

and how it's altered my life in one fell swoop, changing everything

taking everything I ever knew and trusted and shattering it to the cement

all of my reason and understanding scattered under the immovable parts of reality

 

I once believed and even knew each day I'd waken to all of my children

laughing, speaking, yelling, screaming, crying, hoping, dreaming

at one time I…

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Posted on August 29, 2011 at 6:23pm

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At 11:23am on August 31, 2011, Ammy said…
I wish I had some magical words to write here Stephanie.  Something to help you, but I don't.  Just know that you are not alone in your loss.  Maybe that doesn't help either because in reality I think we are alone even though we come here and find others in our same situation, and we seek and hope to find something that will help us.  You may not believe me, but you will have easier days.  Your loss is so new and I remember those days and wonder how I survived them, but I did.  Most days are still hard even at 13 months, but I do get lighter days.   That is my wish and prayer for all of us.  Easier days.  We will never be completely healed and I don't think I would ever want to be.  My son, Charles, was a major part of my life and he will remain with me forever.   We had our son cremated also, but I knew that was what he would have wanted as I have discussed these things with my family.  I always told them that was what I wanted and they have said what they would want also, but I never thought I would be having to make that decision for one of my children.  It's not suppose to be that way.   I am truly sorry that you have lost Johrdan.  My heart goes out to you and all of us going through this.  Sending hugs.
At 12:27am on August 19, 2011, Crystal (BluSkyy) gave Stephanie Stone-Merrick a gift
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ThankYou For Being My Friend.. And May God Give Us The Strenght We Need To Pull Thru This....
At 6:39pm on August 12, 2011, Sandra LaBonte said…

Stephanie,

I loved looking at your pictures. So happy and not afraid to show affection. I was thinking I bet he was a great hugger and then I saw the picture of him hugging the Christmas tree. Just a beautiful family.

Sandy

 
 
 

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