I love my Dad.

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Comment by Katherine Ellis on February 5, 2010 at 12:26am

My Dad has been gone over 10 years now and I still miss him so much. His birthday was last month. Now my Mom is very ill. We have put her in a nursing home but she has dementia on top of all the other things wrong with her. I so wish my Dad was here. He would know just what to do, what to say to her. He was just to young to die. I miss him so much.

Comment by jennifer morris on February 4, 2010 at 12:17pm

It has been the same time for me and it seems like the same day....I cannot even accept what has happened and I know I am not well. Every moment I am thinking about the events that led up to that moment at Stanford...I am numb, angry and I don't ever want to believe what has happened....I miss my dad so much it makes me physically ill. I just want hime here living his young life like he is supposed to be.

Comment by susan denner on February 4, 2010 at 7:15am

It has been a a little over a year since I lost my dad. It is like I could have written the earlier posts about returning to work and the nighttime being the worst. When I returned to work - I only went for a few hours on purpose. I wanted to get the whole "how are you" done. I returned on a Friday for a few hours and this seemed to help. It was months before I could close my eyes without seeing my dad lying in hospital bed. There will come a time when you close your eyes and you remember your loved one in better times. That is where I am now thankfully. I still think of him first thing in the morning and last thing at night and countless times throughout the days, but now I remember the dad i had for 69 years, not the dad who was lying in bed sick. Even a year later, I still find so much comfort in these postings, as unfortunately, everyone here gets it. Hang in there and many positive thoughts coming to each and everyone of you.

Comment by Andrea Kristin on February 3, 2010 at 8:18pm

I know exactly how everyone feels. I was scared to return to work because I did not want everyone to talk to me about the situation. I fall apart every night when I walk out of work, driving home. I feel so angry at everyone inside because I feel like they do not understand and I just want to separate myself from everyone that has been in my life. I want to yell and scream at anyone. I am 29 and my dad was 67 and I was also a daddy's girl. I am not married and do not have children and I feel that I have no identity now in my life. I feel empty and lost. My mom is still dealing, too. They were still together. I also have images of my dad in his last days and lose it thinking about him suffering with cancer. He was on a ventilator for over a month and the times that he was awake, he could not talk, only lay in a bed and look at me and nod his head. It was a nightmare. Things do not feel like they are getting better, but that they are worse. I keep realizing at random times of the day that he will not return and start crying at the drop of a hat. I hope this gets better, although I will never ever stop missing him. How could that get better or change? It seems like it will hurt even more later.

Comment by Colleen Grady on February 3, 2010 at 8:06am

Bethany,
Good luck with your meeting and I know it's hard but try not to be scared about falling apart. I did that on the first day I returned to work and everyone was very kind and comforting. One thing I've learned over the past 3 months is not to apologize for my emotions. It's so hard to function and I absolutely understand what you are going through. It's 3 months today since my dad passed away. I'll be thinking of you today and sending you strength to get through your day.

Comment by Bethany on February 2, 2010 at 10:42pm

I heard a store clerk today talking about how her dad has retired and he's so bored, so he's always calling her to ask what he can do for her, like go to Sam's Club for her. I wanted to slap her, because why does SHE get to still have her dad and I don't? I feel totally alone- my mom ALREADY seems like she's "moved on" while I am just existing. I try to still function at work, but it's so hard. Tomorrow I go to my corporate headquarters for a meeting and this will be the first time I have seen them since my dad died, and I'm terrified I will fall apart when people sympathize with me.

Comment by Colleen Grady on February 2, 2010 at 8:28pm

I lost my dad three months ago tomorrow and I'm still finding it so hard to move forward. Everything has changed for me and I don't know how to go on. He died quite suddenly after a massive stroke. It was 9 days after his 82 birthday. It's so hard and I too feel that sometimes I can't breathe when it's like I realize all over again that he's actually gone. I can't get the images of him in those last few days out of my head. And I'm struggling with my identity a little. I've always been daddy's girl, so now that he's gone, who am I. I miss him so much. I'm so sorry for everyone's pain here because I know exactly how you all feel and I think it's so hard for people who haven't been through this to understand it at all. I think people at work think I'm "over it" because I seem to be able to "put it away" so to speak at work, but fall apart every evening. I get angry very easily and have little tolerance for people's crap. It's like I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "your problem is nothing compared to mine"...selfish I know, but I can't help it. I'm grateful to have found somewhere to talk about it.

Comment by Dara on February 2, 2010 at 7:23pm

Andrea I lost my dad Dec 8th and it's almost 2 months for me now too and I feel like it's not real, and I miss him desperately every day. The nights are the worst for me, the silence where I replay everything in my head. I want to believe that it will get better, but it really is so hard right now...the reality that I will never see him again hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I can't breathe.

Comment by Andrea Kristin on January 31, 2010 at 4:26pm

I lost my dad on Dec. 7th, 2009 of a preventable cancer. I am almost two months in to him being gone now. I started work again two weeks after his passing and I found myself to be very angry at work, asking myself how I could just go on like this-- like nothing ever happened and be expected to act okay. I still feel like this a lot. I miss my dad desperately. There are a couple days here and there that I find that I am feeling okay, but then I go down again and start hurting for another couple days again. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I try to read books about grief and did start grief counseling. It just kills me that I will not ever see my dad walk in a room again or hear his voice. It seems so unreal and unbelievable.

Comment by Dara on January 28, 2010 at 9:13pm

Debbie I know exactly what you mean...There are days when I feel everything is the same, everything is NORMAL, then as soon as I come across a picture or something that reminds me of him I can't believe he's not here..and then everything starts all over again...the tears, the WHY"S, the questions, the how did this happen. I don't think I will ever get over missing him.

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