Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Annette was my life. We were married 12 years. No children. Only the two of us. We both suffered from morbid obesity. This led to fluid build up called Edema. We both took care of each other as best we could. We were poor but a happy couple in our 50s. Annette also suffered from cronic panic attacks. SO awful that last year she spent nearly two weeks as they tried to get the proper meds for her.
They worked for time. Then I lost my job and health insurance. We had no money for medication as we tried to pay rent and prevent us from being evicted.
She stated having terrible night sleeps. Sleep apena (as I have) denied her a good night sleeps. SHe started screaming in her sleeps, and her edema started getting worse. SHe kept tellingme she didn't feel well for months. I begged her to go to the hospital but she refused. I think we were maybe both in denial of our health. We suffered. I had to find work despite the agony of walking. In fact its what kept me alive. The bread winner has to move. Movement is life.
She started to bloat and I screamed at her to go to the hospital. But she wouldn't. Then that night, she kept sleeping on her stomach. I sat across the room from her. I noticed she wasn't moving. I charged over to her an screamed Honey!!! I turned her over and her lips were blue. I screamed no!! please God no!!
I diled 911 they came but couldn't resucitate her. I loved her more thanmy own soul. I amalone. I come home to silence. My beloved of 12 years is gone. I am beyond grief. I beg God to plase take me. I collected her ashes yesterday and brought them home. I wear her ring which I will take with me upon my death.
It's a nightmare. An utter, blinding nightmare. I should have forced her. I keep thinking what if I had called 911 and forced her to go? I took care of her soiled clothing, washed her, and loved to cook for her. Now it's gone. ALl gone. I want the grief and madness to stop. It won't stop. ANd the only thing that will bring me peace is to be with my wonderful wife. Nothing comforts me. I just want to fall alseep and beg God to take me.
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Richard,
I think Michael has a good idea. Do it for you this time. Let us know where we might help. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least it is a possible way to keep you in your home for now. Anything will help right?
I appriciate the suggestions but i no longer care what happens to me. I can't live without Annette. If I managed to keep the apartment, I'd only extend my suffering. I want to let whatever happens happens. If this is the world that's left I don't see any point in making my suffering last.
Please understand, there is nothing here. A bed, my wife's urn. I have no clothes to wear except a pair of sweatpants which I've used to go to work with.
I want the pain both physical and mental to go away. And the only way that will happen is when I'm reuinted with my wife.
Having no children, no friends, no money I am literally isolated. Alone to grieve by myself in our tiny apartment. I have nothing. I know people think there's hope but in my case my morbid obesity, inability to walk without exhaustion or pain and beingas i said, poor, I am wating to move from this life to be withmy wife.
I've reached my breaking point now. I can't stomach the agony and hope Annette comes to collect me soon. I can already feel my body still getting weaker and weaker each day. ANd I smile and think "My love will take by the hand and tell me it's okay, hun, you can come home now,"
And you what? I'm going to hug her and never let her go. I can't imagine a more loving, more peaceful way to begin a new life. That's all we ever wanted. It was taken from us from this life.
But I know it waits for Annette and me in the next life. Unti then, I will suffer until my body finally shuts down from my ill health which I feel is coming soon.
Richard,
So many of us understand, at least to some degree, how you feel. My daily circumstances are not as difficult as yours, though they are not good either (finances, health, etc.). Like you, I want only to die and be with my love.
While you are still here, however, have you considered trying to get social services involved with your current situation? Social workers, health workers, food banks, and places of worship can & will often assist people in your kind of situation. Also, if your landlord is reasonable, perhaps s/he would consider a temporary reduction or abeyance/suspension of rent, if your circumstances were explained to her/him. If you don't feel up to trying to contact those people/places, perhaps your sister could do it for you.
In any case, I wish you peace.
I got the call today that I was fired from my temp job. Penniless, my beloved wife gone. The eviction too.
I am so tired and just want to be with my wife. I can survive witout her/
Annette my veloved come to me and take with you.
I'm alone in the world, please take my hand now my love. my body is frail asnd I need you to come to me and take mne by ther hand...now
Richard,
I am truly sorry for your loss, and for the additional difficult times which have followed it.
I know how hard it can be to do anything for yourself while grieving, how hard it can be to even care enough to do so. However, if possible, can you try to contact someone at the church, food pantry, local social services, who may be able to help you with finances and housing? The U.S. is not great when it comes to supporting its citizens, but there are some people and organizations who do try to help, and I would recommend that you try to avail yourself of them.
if anyone can help before my eviction, id like to include my go fund me link in the hope anyone can pass it around.
https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-with-my-wifes-funeral
I am finally at a point where im waiting for the court officer to knock on the door and evict me. There's nowhere else to go. The only possessions i have are my wife''s ashes and the clothes on my back. Those are the only things I'll be taking when they come for me.
thanks
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