Yup,before Mother's Day. She has had months to make me feel nothing but worse & retraumatized & cause me nightmares.

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Omg how stressful. So sorry for you...what happened?
Thx, yes, very. Thank you for ur reply.
Thx Rhonda. It's been 20 months since I watched my mom die of an overdose. My mom had everything and nothing. I feel like she took most of me with her. I'm trying a support group I found nearby next time they meet. I need to find a way to live with this. I'm not my mom, but I loved her so much... More than she loved me cuz she didn't love herself. Maybe that's where I need to start, remembering why I used to be confident & what I like about myself regardless of her, & taking that bacK. she hurt me & wore me down cuz of her issues. Ironic as it sounds maybe I need to get over HER issues. It's like ppl who want us to feel better already. I almost joke "deal with it, get over it.. It's my problem, if u can't be helpful. " well, I can't help her now & couldn'tvwhen she was alive. So, yes, I miss my mom (more the mom she couldn't be)but I got on with my life after high school. I need to find what I feel I lost cuz I'm still here.

As for what happened with my grief counselor, she just kept replaying the traumatizing tapes & seemingly capitalizing on it. She's hard up for cash. It's hard to talk abt. I don't want to replay that tape again.

You know when ppl see u as vulnerable for once, it's easy to fall into that role & it is hard to take yourself back, but we are alive and have the right to live at least feeling at peace if not completely ever who we were.

What is a trauma tape?

Bluebell

therapists are useless it takes about 20 to find the right one

Agreed - it can take a long time to find the right fit

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