HelenB
  • Female
  • United States
Share

HelenB's Groups

HelenB's Discussions

Grieg counseling
14 Replies

Has anyone had grief counseling? I'm very frustrated cuz it's making me worse after a year.

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dennis C. Jan 27, 2017.

Gifts Received

Gift

HelenB has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

HelenB's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
I loved my mom who I lost to suicide in late 2014, but truthfully she was very abusive mostly. Sometimes, she was better & it was confusing, never knowing what to expect. The outside world saw ours as the model mother-daughter relationship. In fact, I left home young (which saved me.as opposed to my very hateful & dangerous upscale brothers). I was the successful one & I thought my mom was proud & I won her over. She had a personality disorder & addiction to rx narcotics. With each overdose, her behavior worsened. I was staying with family and to my shock, it was a terrorist zone I couldn't escape. Finally, after severe abuse by my family, my docs reported it & I got out & stayed nearby still away from my home, job, and normal life. I had minimal contact with my very educated, upscale family for my safety, per the advice of authorities. Finally, the night I got back to my own home several hours away, I got a call to come back in a blizzard if I wanted to see my mom again & so I found a way back. I was the only one with her (and the ICU staff) when she died. I can't get over it, despite grief counseling, partly maybe because of the multiple losses due to my health & my limited lifestyle. My mom treated me so badly but unlike many who feel relief by the loss of an abusive parent, I feel profound grief that I'll never have the image of the mom I created and rarely saw at her best. Further, my entire family has completely fallen apart & my dad has Alzheimer's & his past mellow (yet unprotective demeanor has become much like my mom's, aggressive, violent, hostile & controlled by my brothers. Like my mom, much of this behavior is exacerbated by my brothers' provocations. So, I feel I've lost all but my home & my values. I have friends but many of my long time friends have faded into the background. I miss my mom & loved her & yet ppl who knew the real story can't understand why. She was my only mom! I know if she had survived the last attempt, she'd still be cruel (I have evidence she was well aware of how badly she treated me but couldn't seem to stop herself). I don't know how people adjust to grief when the lost loved one was abusive. I don't know of others who found themselves in similar situations after successfully making a life without any abuse. I thought my parents were just too young when they had children & grew up with me, but my mom was jealous, vindictive & downright sadistic I only learned cuz I got sick and she couldn't fake being normal long enough. So, I want to know how to let go & move on. I forgave he. She was mentally ill. She let me know just before her death she loved me & regretted things. It's all so painful and such a tragedy. She wouldn't help herself. All I can do now is try to find a way to help myself. There are few happy memories. I need an approach for those of us grieving the loss of abusive parents we wanted desperately to love & respect us as much as we loved them. Sorry for typos. It's hard to see. Thank you.
About my Loss:
My mother died of suicide & I also have a very serious, rare medical condition. I have been on leave from my very successful job for several years (that's not why mom did it).
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No, but I was...

Comment Wall (1 comment)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
1 hour ago
Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
5 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
6 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
6 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve.  I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever.  I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
12 hours ago
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie I'm sorry but just know your words do stay in my head. Keven's mom...I'm so sorry that phone came.  There's nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you.  Just know we know exactly how you feel.  Your…"
12 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friends, As all of you have stated, I too fake my happiness. I laugh on the outside and am crying for him on the inside. I ache so bad that my Julian is not in my life. I just don't understand why God won't take me. Until he does, I…"
16 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan.  I wish I had answers but I am in the very same place.  Lost, fake and hollow.  I feel worse than I did a year ago I think because I thought I would feel better and don't. Empty and apathetic.  I'm tired all the…"
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, I don't know why this has happened to us, our soulmates being torn from us, but it fucking sucks. Have you considered not acting happy and normal, since that isn't how you feel? Especially if acting that way isn't helping…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Please somebody, tell me how I can continue to do this.  I am so depressed.  I get up every day and pretend.  It's what is making me so depressed.  It looks like I am functioning so normally.  Now that I have learned…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Danny. Surviving is art which we all need to practice. Today I met a friend whose father is witnessing the similar illness as my mother i.e. late stage cancer. He is also going through the same emotional turmoil as I went in 2018. After this…"
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Danny. I hear you.  December will be 4 years "
Saturday
Danny replied to Carla Rose's discussion Lost my Mom a Few Days Ago in the group Lost Without My Mom
"Great reply Sandra"
Saturday
Danny updated their profile
Saturday
Danny commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Its been 5 years and here I am back on the site. Surviving and functioning but just about. "
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Wonderful Avi!!!  "
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Amen, Avi."
Saturday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks all. This group is my extended family. "
Saturday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, that is so lovely to hear — best wishes to her and your family!"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That's wonderful, Avi. Congratulations. And I wish you another 100 years with her."
Friday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service