HelenB
  • Female
  • United States
Share

HelenB's Groups

HelenB's Discussions

Grieg counseling
14 Replies

Has anyone had grief counseling? I'm very frustrated cuz it's making me worse after a year.

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dennis C. Jan 27, 2017.

Gifts Received

Gift

HelenB has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

HelenB's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
I loved my mom who I lost to suicide in late 2014, but truthfully she was very abusive mostly. Sometimes, she was better & it was confusing, never knowing what to expect. The outside world saw ours as the model mother-daughter relationship. In fact, I left home young (which saved me.as opposed to my very hateful & dangerous upscale brothers). I was the successful one & I thought my mom was proud & I won her over. She had a personality disorder & addiction to rx narcotics. With each overdose, her behavior worsened. I was staying with family and to my shock, it was a terrorist zone I couldn't escape. Finally, after severe abuse by my family, my docs reported it & I got out & stayed nearby still away from my home, job, and normal life. I had minimal contact with my very educated, upscale family for my safety, per the advice of authorities. Finally, the night I got back to my own home several hours away, I got a call to come back in a blizzard if I wanted to see my mom again & so I found a way back. I was the only one with her (and the ICU staff) when she died. I can't get over it, despite grief counseling, partly maybe because of the multiple losses due to my health & my limited lifestyle. My mom treated me so badly but unlike many who feel relief by the loss of an abusive parent, I feel profound grief that I'll never have the image of the mom I created and rarely saw at her best. Further, my entire family has completely fallen apart & my dad has Alzheimer's & his past mellow (yet unprotective demeanor has become much like my mom's, aggressive, violent, hostile & controlled by my brothers. Like my mom, much of this behavior is exacerbated by my brothers' provocations. So, I feel I've lost all but my home & my values. I have friends but many of my long time friends have faded into the background. I miss my mom & loved her & yet ppl who knew the real story can't understand why. She was my only mom! I know if she had survived the last attempt, she'd still be cruel (I have evidence she was well aware of how badly she treated me but couldn't seem to stop herself). I don't know how people adjust to grief when the lost loved one was abusive. I don't know of others who found themselves in similar situations after successfully making a life without any abuse. I thought my parents were just too young when they had children & grew up with me, but my mom was jealous, vindictive & downright sadistic I only learned cuz I got sick and she couldn't fake being normal long enough. So, I want to know how to let go & move on. I forgave he. She was mentally ill. She let me know just before her death she loved me & regretted things. It's all so painful and such a tragedy. She wouldn't help herself. All I can do now is try to find a way to help myself. There are few happy memories. I need an approach for those of us grieving the loss of abusive parents we wanted desperately to love & respect us as much as we loved them. Sorry for typos. It's hard to see. Thank you.
About my Loss:
My mother died of suicide & I also have a very serious, rare medical condition. I have been on leave from my very successful job for several years (that's not why mom did it).
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No, but I was...

Comment Wall (1 comment)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Profile IconSamiie and Lauren N Sanboeuf joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman replied to Tamicah's discussion Worst Documented Day of my life in the group I miss my Mom!
"Tamicah, every second that passes by is one second that brings you closer to your mom. The Lord will come for you in his time. I'm waiting too. It's been five years for me and I haven't grown accustomed to being without my mom. I miss…"
8 hours ago
Liv replied to Liv's discussion New to this severity of grief
"Sorry for the bitterness last night. I just really needed this, and the disappointment is crushing me. Oh well. Better get used to it, I guess."
11 hours ago
Robbie and Rosie are now friends
21 hours ago
Liv replied to Liv's discussion New to this severity of grief
"Hey all, So, Halloween is coming up. It is always my favorite holiday or time of year. Or at least it was. I don't know now. I was really looking forward to it, even after my dad passed. It was something that I could do to make me feel normal…"
23 hours ago
Jennifer Hughes left a comment for Rosie
"Thank you for your kind message, Rosie.  I'm sure this will be a place of comfort and friendship for me when I need it most.  I look forward to being there for others in the group, as well."
yesterday
Profile IconJennifer C and Jennifer Hughes joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Tamicah added a discussion to the group I miss my Mom!
Thumbnail

Worst Documented Day of my life

On the 1st of July 2020, I watched my life take her last breath. My life was and in many ways still is about my mother. I have never felt more lost and empty than I do now since she left. Fast forward to the 4th of October and I attempted suicide. I was unsuccessful unfortunately. I still don't want to be here but I'm forcing myself to live because I mean I wake up everyday so clearly God isn't ready to accept me into his kingdom.Until then nothing about life feels okay. I really miss my mom.
yesterday

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service