My name is Sue. I am a 55 year old divorced 2 years ago. I barely survived that pain and loss (20 year married). Left me for of course, a younger woman. I lost everything. He had been planning his departure for a year.  I am on this wonderful support site because June 7, 2011 my adorable, loving, strong, wonderful best friend and mother Nancy Preston died from complications from chemo therapy (throat cancer). She had been a heavy smoker but quit 20 years ago. Her lungs were damaged and her heart just gave out. So in the end the cigarettes took her life. Ironically, she spent the last 20 years being healthy and taking such great care of her body. But the cancer came anyway. She suffered terribly with chemo and radiation. I wanted to take her place but God declined that request. She was the ONLY person who ever truly loved me as I am. Mother raised 4 daughters on her own after the cruelest man possible left us, his name was Clive Waxman. We all suffered because of his choices. His selfishness changed the course of all of our lives. If there is a hell...he is the doorman. Mother ...I miss you every minute since you were taken. She had such faith and she went to be with her Lord. She was ready. I witnessed her join Him and take her last breath. I have put my life and whatever journey I am suppose to continue on in Gods hands. I am ready for the Lord to tak me any time he chooses to. Thank you Mother for loving me, supporting me and for always being there for me. I will join you as soon as the Lord will allow me. Until then ...

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Comment by Anne Delina Johnson on July 20, 2011 at 8:30pm

Hi Sue, 

  I can understand completely. I lost my best friend to Ovarian Cancer. I moved from Portland, Oregon, to New Jersey to be with her 5 years ago when she was first Diagnosed. We'd been like sisters for what would have been 11 years this christmas. She was just 38 years old. I was there the night she died. I saw her go from being somewhat ok, and her radiation of the brain working, to suffering with breathing. I had to call her Parents, at home at 5:30 in the moring on July 4th, and demand they come to the hospital that she was dying. She was going to be placed on a ventilator. They got the ventilator installed after she had low oxygen levels for 2 hours and one of the last actions she did was to rip out the tube, then  they started a second one, and she coded. I was in the hall way, watching , I had to make a phone call to her parents, saying, she's code blue, you need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I watched them fight to get her heart started again, for 25 minutes, they were almost ready to stop when her parents arrived, but she was already gone. I was able to see her one last time and see her looking at me, and fighting to tell me, that she loved me, and then down to ICU she went. We were told she had 20 minutes left to live. She lingered another day and half. I had to fight to get her father to take her off the life support, because it was what she wanted. As soon as we took her off, she was gone, we didn't even see her breath again. She was gone, her heart stopped. My life is too in god's hands, and what i'm doing for my best friend, i promised her, I would, do an Ovarian Cancer walk. I hope to complete my first one in her memory this October.

Comment by Marie Carr on July 17, 2011 at 2:42pm

Hi Sue, my name is Marie.  I lost my mum 10th August 2010 and then my dad April 2011.  My mum had been on dialysis and then she suffered a stroke. I was a mess for months and months.  Crying all the time.  Then I was starting to come to terms with it and I lost my dad,   I have been to put flowers down for my mum, before my dads service, as my sister told my he wanted me to see the reef he put down at christmas, for me as i found it impossible to go my self. 

Since then i have not been able to go as i find it so hard to believe my dad is there too.


My sister is being really horrible to me, even though i ve tried so hard for us to be close for years.  She wants to discuss things at the house they lived in, but i have explained how hard it is for me to be there without my mum n dad being there.  She is so unfeeling and doesnt understand or maybe doesnt care how it affects me, just cos she is not affected by being there.  She actually complained that my mum n dad left a will saying he wanted us four kids to have a percentige and five grandchildren and some to charitys.  she said it shouldve been left to her.  I mean the house and contents and that only she shouldve been the executor not her and I.  I am paying the insurance and i paid a solicitor bil off ninety pounds.  She has not paid anything.  But my dad had hidden a large amount of money in the house, as his good friends from the church had been told this by my dad. 

My sister spent about one thousand pounds in four weeks and she doesnt have a job.  In fact her money had stopped and she had to reaply as she hadnt signed on on time.


I believe she may v taken the money, which was to pay for a domatery upstairs.  My dad had told my partner this.  Even after doing this she is being so unfriendly toward my self and my brother, who has been suicidal and suffers depression due to an alcohol problem.  I just dont understand why we cant all help each other, just by being kind. 

Comment by Dylan Ishmael on July 11, 2011 at 11:42pm

It's so damn strange after you get home from your mom's funeral.  It's like there's some sort of closure but not really since you actually just start to grieve at a different level.  I know exactly how you feel.  I am so sorry for your pain, but there's no way around it.  You've just got to go through it.

And I must say that there are people out there who care about you.  Heck, I only know you through this strange electronic realm.  Your story of suffering has changed me.  Your existence matters.  Even if to a complete stranger.  You have contributed love and beauty to this world, even at your time of greatest pain.  And I have no doubt that you can make it through this terrible nightmare and use this experience to help others.  Sending  you love, D

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 11, 2011 at 8:15pm

Hi Friends,

I just got home from Grandville Michigan...mothers service was so touching thanks to my mothers sisters children and other family who adore mother. I am home...and feel lost. How do we go on with the everyday crap and make some type of life for ourselves? I am missing mother so deeply. Yet I am so greatful her suffering has ended. That damn cancer. I feel alone..sad...depressed. Mother was my rock. You always think your mom will just always be there. I prayed the other night that God would take me if he needed a soul to take to spare someone the pain of loosing a loved one. I have no one who depends on me or would feel empty if I was no longer on this earth. Never had kids. My sisters are totally self absorbed.

Comment by Dylan Ishmael on July 5, 2011 at 11:27pm
Sue, I lost my mom this January.  It's one of the most awful losses you can suffer.  Just tonight I was speaking with my sisters about the overwhelming sense of pain we all feel.  It hasn't gotten much better 6 months after.  But I hope you know that you're not alone in your suffering, even if it feels that way.  You and your sisters are grieving, and that grief can cause you to do and say crazy things.  I know it has done that with my family.  You sound like you've put love out there, which is all that you can do.  It hurts when it's not returned.  But hang in there.  Sending you love, D
Comment by Cindy Trepanier on July 5, 2011 at 10:05pm

Hi Sue.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Yes family sucks.  I am the youngest of 4 and my oldest sibling and I haven't spoken in weeks and we probably won't for a very long time.  I have been told the same as you to let him know I love him, but it still hurts and I pray time will heal the space between us.  My mom was one of my best friends and I am lost without her, I miss her everyday and even though it has been almost 2 months I still try to pick up the phone and call her.  I can tell you that you will just move through life for now, you will cry a lot, and you will want to scream...all normal.  As far as going on with life...one minute at a time, one day at a time. 

Comment by Sherri Martin on July 5, 2011 at 2:37pm

Hi, again, Sue....Just checking in to see how you are doing today.  Are you going to be able to go to Michigan when your sisters take her ashes back there?  If not, are you going to have a part of her ashes kept with you?  I hope you will be included in any service they plan in Michigan despite the animosity going on at the moment. 


Mostly just wanted to check in and see how your day is today.  (((HUGS!!!)

- Sherri

Comment by Anthony Cosenza on July 4, 2011 at 7:29pm
Hey Sue, My name is Anthony. I'm 23 years old and my mother was taken from me last January to murder by her husband. It has been a really difficult time for me and my family, but as my mother once told me "All time heals wounds". While it may seem forever but it will heal soon enough. The best thing to do is to remember the good times that you had with her and smile and share those stories with loved ones and people who might learn something or who could just use a good laugh. As far as your family goes though, I agree with the pastor you went to see, Leave the door open to your family and try to live a non-stress free life. I know it seems easier said then done but just try talking to them about regular everyday things and hopefully you can regain a bond and move on from the past. If you would like to talk or whatever I read/respond when able. Well I hope this helps you out somewhat. Take care.- Anthony

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