"i miss mom so mush i do"
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Valerie Stowell
- Female
- Fincastle, VA
- United States
- Blog Posts
- Discussions (2)
- Groups (3)
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Valerie Stowell's Groups
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Traumatic, Sudden Loss
942 members
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Tattoo Memorial
172 members
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I love my Dad.
414 members
Valerie Stowell's Discussions
Hey is anyone on here tonight...
2 Replies
Is anyone on here? It's one of those nights that I could just use someone to talk to. I think my family and friends are going to kill me if I talk about this anymore with them...
Started this discussion. Last reply by Angela S. Apr 27, 2010.
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Profile Information
- About Me:
- My name is Valerie and I live in Virginia. I am 25 years old. This is difficult for me because I am a counselor and a clinical supervisor... I work with people that have problems all day and am able to help them... I just can't help myself. I don't really know what else to say.
- About my Loss:
- My Dad was diagnosed with cancer Summer of 2008. The treatment was very fast and radical and included things such as the doctors removing his whole nose. I was one of two caretakers for him. As time went on he got a lot better and things were looking good... until cancer was found in his throat. Until they could operate on it the doctors suggested a tempoary tracheotomy. With a tracheotomy, the tube needs to be suctioned out every so often. He indicated to my mother that he needed it cleaned out and she went t get the machine to suction it but the hospital (the VA hospital, Dad was a veteran) forgot to send the suction machine. We live in a pretty rural area. My mother called me and told me to come over, which took me less than 5 minutes to get to her house and I just stood there and watched him suffocate. I am trained in CPR for my job but my Dad still hadn't had reconstructive surgery on his nose and I felt so helpless. I didn't know how to do CPR on someone with no nose. I am so angry. I blame myself, I don't know where to place blame. I feel like I have had such bad experiences with death starting from when I was five and fell asleep on my grandfathers lap. I woke up and he was dead and that it my first memory of childhood. Or when I was 19 and my uncle and I were at Disney in Florida and he just died while we were walking around. There has been so much and I don't know where to place the blame or the anger. It's so frustrating when I am having an amazing day and a song comes on or I see a picture and it's just over. I feel the loss all over again and I smell the smells and I'm back in that moment where my life feels like it ended. As a result of my grief I have lost a lot of relationships with friends who I have pushed away and a four year relationship with my fiance. I just need to deal with my own grief before I can let new people in my life I think.
Groups
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I miss my Mom!
751 members
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LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
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Sibling Loss
9 members
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Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
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Too Young To Die
17 members
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Losing a Sister
93 members
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Multiple Losses Group
324 members
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Grief Counseling
140 members
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Zoom Grief Support
39 members
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Orphaned Adults
80 members
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Sole Survivors
15 members
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Losing a sibling
62 members
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Being the Other Woman/Ot…
43 members
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Compounded grief with ex…
49 members
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Lost both parents
12 members
Latest Activity
My husband
"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITED loss and grief
Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
Assumptions
An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
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Just stopping in to say hello. I hope you are doing well and when you are on again I'd love to catch up. Hugs.
Just saying hello. Thinking of you.