Libbie H
  • Female
  • Lawrenceville, GA
  • United States
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Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"3yrs on Sunday Jesus took you home! I prayed that so many times. Your suffering was horrific. But I'm still broken; miss you and us."
Nov 7, 2017
Steinberg left a comment for Libbie H
"Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. "
Mar 12, 2017
Libbie H replied to Kevin Bailey's discussion Guilt in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Guilt I think we feel cause realizing their death day will come just does not enter our brains so we push them to eat,drink,take meds etc...I was pushing for my husband to eat something healthy. How ridulous! It's been 2yrs and 4months.…"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H left a comment for Steinberg
"Welcome to a safe place to pour out your thoughts,heart and pain. I can not imagine your loss or pain. Know the people here support and don't judge. That was really important to me when I became a member little over 2yrs...hugs"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Desperate to put my heart together...Tomorrow is 24months, 730th day without my husband...Last year I ran to the beach, stayed drunk, came home many days later praying this heartbreak will end. Well 365 days later its the same...but this year…"
Nov 11, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amy- I wish I could give you that hope.  I am so sorry for your heart!  We were a couple for 36yrs and married for 31 when he died; no children.  He had a 10 year fight and as you said deserved his suffering to end.  I lost my…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"22 months since my husband died and I am so devestated!  His recent birthday just pushed me over...I can not move from my bed or chair; just paralyzed. Don't know how to live without him. Don't won't to.  Prayed during his…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"My husband's birthday is this week...my escape is to sleep, can't...just tears, hard to breathe,his death playing over and over in my head."
Aug 15, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"July 4th was so special for us; my husband was a marine veteran, 19months after his death , daily tears and my heartbreak huge. Why can I not find comfort in him not suffering anymore?  Why did I pray for God to heal him on earth or heaven? I…"
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"Why can I not find Peace in him not suffering anymore??? Family events, trips,visits just enlarges my heartbreak. So tired..."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"19month's since my husband died; writing first time in months; thought daily tears would stop by now; trying to find purpose to breathe."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Jan 27, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
I am 53yrs old, career in healthcare for 27 yrs then disabled with psoriatic arthritis. Married for 31 yrs to a former marine No children. No family close by; Dad and Mom dead
About my Loss:
My husband died at home this past november after 12 yr long battle with lung and heart failure. We were a couple for 36 years, married for 31; I was his caregiver/coordinated his care for 10yrs. I have survived the holidays,our anniversary and his birthday last month. During these years my fathernlaw,sisternlaw and in 2011 my mom died-my rock. My grief is overwhelming; my brain filled only of him sick and the suffocation he endured the morning he died. Help....
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Libbie H's Blog

Now

 Praying time goes faster so my life will end...I have endured my 3rd Christmas...so meaningless...another New Year with my heart still in pieces. I have started my Eat, Pray,Love journey;  going to places and visiting people special to our 35 yrs together...therapists thought would help but only made my heart break more...wish I had stayed in my shell. My journey took me to the church where we married, visiting my second Moma, visiting my best high school friend who was in our wedding. I…

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Posted on January 29, 2017 at 11:20am — 1 Comment

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At 5:40am on March 12, 2017, Steinberg said…

Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. 

At 7:52am on August 30, 2016, Amy Ginn said…
Lonnie- yes it makes sense totally my died passed just a few months before my husband was diagnosed with cancer. The next 5 years we battled everything. And so many times I longed for my dad. But my husbands health sorta overshadowed it to a degree. I had to SAVE him. Having lost the 2 men in my life both hurt yes but I'm sorry daddy, but u can't compare the two IMO. Night and day. However if something happened to mom anytime soon I dunno what would come of me. We did have a child. One she 16 almost 17 in her Sr year and up for valedictorian and I cry at the thought of her making it and dad not being there. We did teach her, by example, how to keep true to ur wedding vows, how to be knocked down OVER AND OVER and get up and keep fighting. Unfortunately she saw horrible suffering too. He sheltered her from some but not all. My big issue is I promised him he forced me too say I would, go on living and remarry etc. I haven't had a choice but to go on living. Tho I debated the alternative. I will have no choice as to whether I remarry tho. I can't make Someone love me and vice versa. I'm almost 40. His theory was -- we met when he was 42. Around 40 was the hardest time for him and he had thought of checking out leaving town etc. had he done any of that he would t have met me and had to most wonderful years of his life. Which makes sense. I knew an older man came with risk but it was worth it. I feel ill be able to love again one day I just don't know how I'll find that person since he was so perfect. I guess I cross that bridge when I come to it.
At 3:42pm on September 17, 2015, morgan said…

Libbie,  Under "about my loss" your last word is quite definite.

Help….

This is a word I swear has no answer.  We all need it and no one in a literal sense is able to do much for us.  What we can do is reach out, read how others are (or in many cases are not) handling the pain of their loss very well and know that we are not the only ones crying out for help.

I go on a couple of websites besides this one for my "help".  On each one I read something that somehow makes me know I am not suffering alone and in its own way it "helps" me. How?  I have no idea.  I do seek it out though.  It's like pain medication.  My own personal internet IV drip.  

Death of the person who we loved and being left to deal with the repercussions of what that does to our own mental health is beyond traumatizing.  We simply have no answers nor do we know how to deal with it.  I have come round more and more to realizing that this is WAY bigger than I will ever be able to overcome and I am doing only what I have to do while I breathe.  

Life for me has become pretty inconsequential.  In the last week I have also had to euthanize my beloved kitty cat who really was my husbands cat and it is like having to bury him twice.  That little heartbeat that was always with me and was the last visceral connection to my husband has now also been severed.  How am I coping? Not well but that seems to have become the flavor of the day.  Coping and then not coping.  Crying and then not crying.  Doing and then not doing.  At one point in life thinking things were hard I regret my whining then because it does not hold a candle to where my head is at now.  

Looking at the world in its ever declining state I know in many ways I have no problems.  It's then I really begin to question the necessity of continuing and yet I still wake up to open my eyes and the scene is about the same.  I have to get through another day.  

I have no answers Libbie. I am really of no help either.  I just wanted to write to say you are in the company of others who have heard your cry for "help" and although we cant do much more than to write back acknowledging it we all understand your pain.  All  of us with different circumstances and different history's but the pain seems inscrutably similar and we are thinking of you.  

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Virginia G commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Morgan, i know you said you don’t like meds, but maybe one of the natural supplements for anxiety could lessen the meltdowns?  Just a suggestion.  I’m the opposite, don’t know why I’m not having constant breakdowns,…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G left a comment for morgan
"Morgan, thanks for the comment on my blog.  I read a few of your posts and I have the same desire to get out of here as soon as possible.  I’m only 47 and there’s no way I can wait until I’m old.  I’m afraid if…"
3 hours ago
Brett Bowman and Virginia G are now friends
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Brett Bowman commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Virginia, while I don't know you, I don know this... your mom knew that you loved/love her. And there is a cold reality in all of this. No matter how hard I tried, my mom still died. There was no stopping it. It was like trying to hold back a…"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Oatmeal, As I read your blog, I cried and cried.  It’s all too familiar and all too heartbreaking.  My Mom and I did everything together.  I always lived with both parents, but my Dad was always the quiet type that liked to do…"
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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6 hours ago
morgan commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Virginia, We ask ourselves alot of questions when we suffer such a great loss as a loved one.  All of your questions I have asked myself over and over as I have tried to live beyond the loss of my husband.  I've not answered them…"
8 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is so hard. My sister whose husband passed away April 9th 2018 does not want to see me right now because I remind her of Mom's passing a year ago Feb 14th. She does not do it to be mean or hurtful. She is just too full of grief for her…"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry for the typos"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal. You have to do those things in memory of your mom should would want  you to do it I truly believe that I’m not saying that I don’t cry every day because I do I get in bed at night I cry when I’m sitting home alone I…"
12 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"In 3 months, it will be a year since my mom passed away. It feels like it was yesterday. I know I asked this before but when does it get easier to do activities that you and your mother did together? I cant bring myself to do anything that reminds…"
12 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Hello Virginia, I’m so sorry you are going through this hell. PTSD has been part of my grieving process too. I think that when we lose someone who is absolutely essential to us, our brains don’t have the ability to adjust to the changed…"
16 hours ago
Virginia G posted a blog post

Post traumatic stress disorder

I am experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.  Some days I cry a lot, others not much.  I get upset when I don’t cry.  I feel as if I should be crying all day every day because the thing I feared the most my whole life happened.  How have I not had ten heart attacks by now?  Some days I have bad flashbacks of the hospital.  Other days I feel like I can’t process what happened.  Is my mind blocking what happened to protect me from the pain?  Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.  Am I…See More
23 hours ago
Marlene Kublin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Ginger posted a blog post

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on…

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on occasion. When friends talk about their adult daughters it brings to light the realization that I once had that and I don't anymore and the tears come. I guess when I'm not reminded,I want to still think she is here,only a phone call away. Already many things have changed, we used to talk on the…See More
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The group I belong to is "Still Mourn Husband after 5 Years" they also have other groups or you can start your own. Linda"
yesterday
lorraine knight posted a discussion

Grief that hits you at odd moments

While grocery shopping I noted a man sitting waiting for his wife as I surmised, my husband used to do wait patiently for me. It hit me hard that I no longer had anyone waiting for me.  So alone after 36 years.......See More
yesterday
AnneJ. commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Ah, Morgan. And Bluebird and Linda and Mel and Alice and all you others who let me walk with you from cave to cave during these dreadful years of an examined life. I'm so tired I can't even write lately; our old friends, where are they...…"
Wednesday
kathy replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"The discussion groups, are they on this web site?"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The best online support group I found is "Grief Healing Discussion Groups", my Husband has been gone 5 years and everyday is still hell, this site you on now did not help.  Linda  "
Tuesday

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