Libbie H
  • Female
  • Lawrenceville, GA
  • United States
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Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"3yrs on Sunday Jesus took you home! I prayed that so many times. Your suffering was horrific. But I'm still broken; miss you and us."
Nov 7, 2017
Steinberg left a comment for Libbie H
"Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. "
Mar 12, 2017
Libbie H replied to Kevin Bailey's discussion Guilt in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Guilt I think we feel cause realizing their death day will come just does not enter our brains so we push them to eat,drink,take meds etc...I was pushing for my husband to eat something healthy. How ridulous! It's been 2yrs and 4months.…"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H left a comment for Steinberg
"Welcome to a safe place to pour out your thoughts,heart and pain. I can not imagine your loss or pain. Know the people here support and don't judge. That was really important to me when I became a member little over 2yrs...hugs"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Desperate to put my heart together...Tomorrow is 24months, 730th day without my husband...Last year I ran to the beach, stayed drunk, came home many days later praying this heartbreak will end. Well 365 days later its the same...but this year…"
Nov 11, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amy- I wish I could give you that hope.  I am so sorry for your heart!  We were a couple for 36yrs and married for 31 when he died; no children.  He had a 10 year fight and as you said deserved his suffering to end.  I lost my…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"22 months since my husband died and I am so devestated!  His recent birthday just pushed me over...I can not move from my bed or chair; just paralyzed. Don't know how to live without him. Don't won't to.  Prayed during his…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"My husband's birthday is this week...my escape is to sleep, can't...just tears, hard to breathe,his death playing over and over in my head."
Aug 15, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"July 4th was so special for us; my husband was a marine veteran, 19months after his death , daily tears and my heartbreak huge. Why can I not find comfort in him not suffering anymore?  Why did I pray for God to heal him on earth or heaven? I…"
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"Why can I not find Peace in him not suffering anymore??? Family events, trips,visits just enlarges my heartbreak. So tired..."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"19month's since my husband died; writing first time in months; thought daily tears would stop by now; trying to find purpose to breathe."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Jan 27, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
I am 53yrs old, career in healthcare for 27 yrs then disabled with psoriatic arthritis. Married for 31 yrs to a former marine No children. No family close by; Dad and Mom dead
About my Loss:
My husband died at home this past november after 12 yr long battle with lung and heart failure. We were a couple for 36 years, married for 31; I was his caregiver/coordinated his care for 10yrs. I have survived the holidays,our anniversary and his birthday last month. During these years my fathernlaw,sisternlaw and in 2011 my mom died-my rock. My grief is overwhelming; my brain filled only of him sick and the suffocation he endured the morning he died. Help....
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Libbie H's Blog

Now

 Praying time goes faster so my life will end...I have endured my 3rd Christmas...so meaningless...another New Year with my heart still in pieces. I have started my Eat, Pray,Love journey;  going to places and visiting people special to our 35 yrs together...therapists thought would help but only made my heart break more...wish I had stayed in my shell. My journey took me to the church where we married, visiting my second Moma, visiting my best high school friend who was in our wedding. I…

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Posted on January 29, 2017 at 11:20am — 1 Comment

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At 5:40am on March 12, 2017, Steinberg said…

Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. 

At 7:52am on August 30, 2016, Amy Ginn said…
Lonnie- yes it makes sense totally my died passed just a few months before my husband was diagnosed with cancer. The next 5 years we battled everything. And so many times I longed for my dad. But my husbands health sorta overshadowed it to a degree. I had to SAVE him. Having lost the 2 men in my life both hurt yes but I'm sorry daddy, but u can't compare the two IMO. Night and day. However if something happened to mom anytime soon I dunno what would come of me. We did have a child. One she 16 almost 17 in her Sr year and up for valedictorian and I cry at the thought of her making it and dad not being there. We did teach her, by example, how to keep true to ur wedding vows, how to be knocked down OVER AND OVER and get up and keep fighting. Unfortunately she saw horrible suffering too. He sheltered her from some but not all. My big issue is I promised him he forced me too say I would, go on living and remarry etc. I haven't had a choice but to go on living. Tho I debated the alternative. I will have no choice as to whether I remarry tho. I can't make Someone love me and vice versa. I'm almost 40. His theory was -- we met when he was 42. Around 40 was the hardest time for him and he had thought of checking out leaving town etc. had he done any of that he would t have met me and had to most wonderful years of his life. Which makes sense. I knew an older man came with risk but it was worth it. I feel ill be able to love again one day I just don't know how I'll find that person since he was so perfect. I guess I cross that bridge when I come to it.
At 3:42pm on September 17, 2015, morgan said…

Libbie,  Under "about my loss" your last word is quite definite.

Help….

This is a word I swear has no answer.  We all need it and no one in a literal sense is able to do much for us.  What we can do is reach out, read how others are (or in many cases are not) handling the pain of their loss very well and know that we are not the only ones crying out for help.

I go on a couple of websites besides this one for my "help".  On each one I read something that somehow makes me know I am not suffering alone and in its own way it "helps" me. How?  I have no idea.  I do seek it out though.  It's like pain medication.  My own personal internet IV drip.  

Death of the person who we loved and being left to deal with the repercussions of what that does to our own mental health is beyond traumatizing.  We simply have no answers nor do we know how to deal with it.  I have come round more and more to realizing that this is WAY bigger than I will ever be able to overcome and I am doing only what I have to do while I breathe.  

Life for me has become pretty inconsequential.  In the last week I have also had to euthanize my beloved kitty cat who really was my husbands cat and it is like having to bury him twice.  That little heartbeat that was always with me and was the last visceral connection to my husband has now also been severed.  How am I coping? Not well but that seems to have become the flavor of the day.  Coping and then not coping.  Crying and then not crying.  Doing and then not doing.  At one point in life thinking things were hard I regret my whining then because it does not hold a candle to where my head is at now.  

Looking at the world in its ever declining state I know in many ways I have no problems.  It's then I really begin to question the necessity of continuing and yet I still wake up to open my eyes and the scene is about the same.  I have to get through another day.  

I have no answers Libbie. I am really of no help either.  I just wanted to write to say you are in the company of others who have heard your cry for "help" and although we cant do much more than to write back acknowledging it we all understand your pain.  All  of us with different circumstances and different history's but the pain seems inscrutably similar and we are thinking of you.  

 
 
 

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Robin H left a comment for Robin H
"Hey There People, most of the comments look kinda old here... Are they?"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, losing your mom is hard enough. When you also lived with her that takes it to a whole different level because you didn't experience the natural separation that other adults do. That's sure what happened to me. I lived with my mom and…"
Monday
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Monday
Lia Lynch commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you everyone. My mom had refused to see doctors for seven years; she feel ill, finally went, was diagnosed with Stage IV metastasized cancer in her throat, lung, and liver, went directly to hospice, and died less than 4 weeks from the initial…"
Monday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Lia,  So sorry for your loss.  Similar to others, I can understand your pain. I wish comfort to you but I know it is not easy. Please take your time.  All people, I was travelling so could not post for long. This is to tell that I…"
Monday
Geri commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Everyone, This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the…"
Monday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you Layla Richards. I was very religious before my husband died, Then after his death I started searching why we have to go thru such pains and was looking into everything. Then after reading the Bible, the Torah, the Koran and more religious…"
Monday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Pamela, So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing."
Sunday
Suzy Tatz commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self…"
Sunday
Suzy Tatz joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Sunday
Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That is some great advice Ofir Rifo. Also, bluebird, something that helped me a lot was reading through the thousands of stories contributed by individuals who had a near-death experience or received an after death communication from a passed loved…"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
Sunday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia I am so sorry for your loss. Bluebell"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
Sunday
Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hello Bluebird. I always remember you and wonder how you are doing since the last time I wrote to you for the first time when I found this blog. It has been a while and I was hoping by this time you were doing better. Please understand that you will…"
Sunday

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