Libbie H
  • Female
  • Lawrenceville, GA
  • United States
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Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
Mar 19
Libbie H posted a status
"3yrs on Sunday Jesus took you home! I prayed that so many times. Your suffering was horrific. But I'm still broken; miss you and us."
Nov 7, 2017
Steinberg left a comment for Libbie H
"Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. "
Mar 12, 2017
Libbie H replied to Kevin Bailey's discussion Guilt in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Guilt I think we feel cause realizing their death day will come just does not enter our brains so we push them to eat,drink,take meds etc...I was pushing for my husband to eat something healthy. How ridulous! It's been 2yrs and 4months.…"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H left a comment for Steinberg
"Welcome to a safe place to pour out your thoughts,heart and pain. I can not imagine your loss or pain. Know the people here support and don't judge. That was really important to me when I became a member little over 2yrs...hugs"
Mar 11, 2017
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Desperate to put my heart together...Tomorrow is 24months, 730th day without my husband...Last year I ran to the beach, stayed drunk, came home many days later praying this heartbreak will end. Well 365 days later its the same...but this year…"
Nov 11, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amy- I wish I could give you that hope.  I am so sorry for your heart!  We were a couple for 36yrs and married for 31 when he died; no children.  He had a 10 year fight and as you said deserved his suffering to end.  I lost my…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"22 months since my husband died and I am so devestated!  His recent birthday just pushed me over...I can not move from my bed or chair; just paralyzed. Don't know how to live without him. Don't won't to.  Prayed during his…"
Aug 29, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"My husband's birthday is this week...my escape is to sleep, can't...just tears, hard to breathe,his death playing over and over in my head."
Aug 15, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dearest Pamela,  I am so sorry for your heart!  I am flabbergasted that anyone would say those things to you. There are people that will say things thinking they are helping when in fact they have no clue and should be silent!!!  I…"
Jul 10, 2016
Libbie H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"July 4th was so special for us; my husband was a marine veteran, 19months after his death , daily tears and my heartbreak huge. Why can I not find comfort in him not suffering anymore?  Why did I pray for God to heal him on earth or heaven? I…"
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"Why can I not find Peace in him not suffering anymore??? Family events, trips,visits just enlarges my heartbreak. So tired..."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H posted a status
"19month's since my husband died; writing first time in months; thought daily tears would stop by now; trying to find purpose to breathe."
Jul 5, 2016
Libbie H joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Jan 27, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
I am 53yrs old, career in healthcare for 27 yrs then disabled with psoriatic arthritis. Married for 31 yrs to a former marine No children. No family close by; Dad and Mom dead
About my Loss:
My husband died at home this past november after 12 yr long battle with lung and heart failure. We were a couple for 36 years, married for 31; I was his caregiver/coordinated his care for 10yrs. I have survived the holidays,our anniversary and his birthday last month. During these years my fathernlaw,sisternlaw and in 2011 my mom died-my rock. My grief is overwhelming; my brain filled only of him sick and the suffocation he endured the morning he died. Help....
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Libbie H's Blog

Now

 Praying time goes faster so my life will end...I have endured my 3rd Christmas...so meaningless...another New Year with my heart still in pieces. I have started my Eat, Pray,Love journey;  going to places and visiting people special to our 35 yrs together...therapists thought would help but only made my heart break more...wish I had stayed in my shell. My journey took me to the church where we married, visiting my second Moma, visiting my best high school friend who was in our wedding. I…

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Posted on January 29, 2017 at 11:20am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 5:40am on March 12, 2017, Steinberg said…

Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. 

At 7:52am on August 30, 2016, Amy Ginn said…
Lonnie- yes it makes sense totally my died passed just a few months before my husband was diagnosed with cancer. The next 5 years we battled everything. And so many times I longed for my dad. But my husbands health sorta overshadowed it to a degree. I had to SAVE him. Having lost the 2 men in my life both hurt yes but I'm sorry daddy, but u can't compare the two IMO. Night and day. However if something happened to mom anytime soon I dunno what would come of me. We did have a child. One she 16 almost 17 in her Sr year and up for valedictorian and I cry at the thought of her making it and dad not being there. We did teach her, by example, how to keep true to ur wedding vows, how to be knocked down OVER AND OVER and get up and keep fighting. Unfortunately she saw horrible suffering too. He sheltered her from some but not all. My big issue is I promised him he forced me too say I would, go on living and remarry etc. I haven't had a choice but to go on living. Tho I debated the alternative. I will have no choice as to whether I remarry tho. I can't make Someone love me and vice versa. I'm almost 40. His theory was -- we met when he was 42. Around 40 was the hardest time for him and he had thought of checking out leaving town etc. had he done any of that he would t have met me and had to most wonderful years of his life. Which makes sense. I knew an older man came with risk but it was worth it. I feel ill be able to love again one day I just don't know how I'll find that person since he was so perfect. I guess I cross that bridge when I come to it.
At 3:42pm on September 17, 2015, morgan said…

Libbie,  Under "about my loss" your last word is quite definite.

Help….

This is a word I swear has no answer.  We all need it and no one in a literal sense is able to do much for us.  What we can do is reach out, read how others are (or in many cases are not) handling the pain of their loss very well and know that we are not the only ones crying out for help.

I go on a couple of websites besides this one for my "help".  On each one I read something that somehow makes me know I am not suffering alone and in its own way it "helps" me. How?  I have no idea.  I do seek it out though.  It's like pain medication.  My own personal internet IV drip.  

Death of the person who we loved and being left to deal with the repercussions of what that does to our own mental health is beyond traumatizing.  We simply have no answers nor do we know how to deal with it.  I have come round more and more to realizing that this is WAY bigger than I will ever be able to overcome and I am doing only what I have to do while I breathe.  

Life for me has become pretty inconsequential.  In the last week I have also had to euthanize my beloved kitty cat who really was my husbands cat and it is like having to bury him twice.  That little heartbeat that was always with me and was the last visceral connection to my husband has now also been severed.  How am I coping? Not well but that seems to have become the flavor of the day.  Coping and then not coping.  Crying and then not crying.  Doing and then not doing.  At one point in life thinking things were hard I regret my whining then because it does not hold a candle to where my head is at now.  

Looking at the world in its ever declining state I know in many ways I have no problems.  It's then I really begin to question the necessity of continuing and yet I still wake up to open my eyes and the scene is about the same.  I have to get through another day.  

I have no answers Libbie. I am really of no help either.  I just wanted to write to say you are in the company of others who have heard your cry for "help" and although we cant do much more than to write back acknowledging it we all understand your pain.  All  of us with different circumstances and different history's but the pain seems inscrutably similar and we are thinking of you.  

 
 
 

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Monty replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
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14 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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yesterday
Profile IconAshley Gatehouse, Maria Allen and Lori Gersbeck joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Lori Gersbeck joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Orphaned Adults

This group is for adults who have lost both parents and are struggling with coming to terms with this impact, which is harder then you realize till it happens to you.
Friday
Fran replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You are not a failure! You are a survivor. It's hard to continue a life that was balanced and enriched by a truly loved spouse.  Just do what helps YOU go on."
Friday
Crystal Parker posted photos
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, my dad was horrible. My mom and my brothers and sister moved to NC where mom had family. I was six. We found a little house to rent. We had left all of our furniture at our house in Ky. I remember the day the moving truck came to our new…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I do not know if you have the same symptoms that I did. It was scary. I was in my shower one day. I was looking at my bottle of shampoo and I couldn't remember what to do with it. And then when I reached for it, it was like my arm was…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, Those are hurtful things you had to deal with.  I am so fortunate that drinking was never a frequent activity with most of my family.  The only thing I can say is this.  I am the one feeling guilty, desperately hoping my Mom…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. It is very scary. What I do not like the most is the lack of motivation and being so easily fatigued. I am also frustrated with the lack of support from the Doctors. I keep asking it it would be dangerous to increase a certain…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, the dr may realize that he didn’t tell me what was going on in the hospital and that’s why I have all the questions.  I blame myself for getting upset with him, then not seeking him out but he might feel responsible. I…"
Thursday
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia yes I will tell you what she lied about who my father is my mother told me the man who is on my birth certificate was my father but he told me I was not his daughter and I look like my so called step father who raised me since I was a baby…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, Are you having more symptoms to make you think this?  Or is it from the anxiety of the one you had?  Did they say how long it would take for it to resolve?  "
Thursday

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