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Comment by Connie K on June 5, 2015 at 1:26pm

Tina and Gale my heart will be with you both on those angelversaries. You just have to do whatever is best for you. On my son's first angelversary, about 4-5 of his closest friends came to my house and we wrote notes, tied them to a balloon and sent them up together. It was short but nice to come together in his memory. With each passing  special date, unfortunately it doesn't get easier like everyone says you just learn to manage it better. I think for the first year maybe the first 2, I was still in shock. The mind protects itself in that way altho it may not feel that way. Now the reality has sunk in like an anchor. My saving grace is that I do get signs all the time from my sweet boy. I am missing him every second of everyday and people just don't get it. They think I should be okay by now and usually I do a good job of being upbeat and positive. Inside, I still feel like dying. It is hard to imagine this pain for the rest of my life. So I have to take it day by day. it is hard to make future plans. Yesterday I went to a meditation and prayed so hard for a sign. When I got in my car, there was a shiny penny on the floor. i am in a new rental car and i know I would have noticed that. anyway, I looked at the date. It was 2012 - the year he died. I just know it was penny from heaven. Now if only I could put my arms around him, hold him tight, keep him safe, feel his heart beat...Hugs to all of you

Comment by Tina on June 5, 2015 at 11:00am

Thank you, you are in my thoughts and prayers too! I will be thinking of you on June 9th. Big hugs to you.

Comment by Gale Brunault on June 5, 2015 at 4:48am

Yes Katherine my 1 year anniversary is on June 9th - where did the time go?  Where did my life go?  I never ever thought I could live one second without my only beloved child yet here I am.  Tina I'm so sorry for your loss - it is most unbearable.  Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.....always

Comment by katherine foster on June 5, 2015 at 12:12am

I too was looking forward to all these things.....seeing my daughter grow into a woman, high school,  graduation, college?,  a wedding,  a son in law, grandkids.......  I could go on and on.  I grew up with the 'assumption' that my life was going to play out in the usual way.  After 5 years, the 'disappointment' and loss of this dream is still with me daily, but I want to say that the intense sorrow has softened and I have been able to somewhat manage it in my day.  I still am fearful and anxious about my future, but I am learning to reach out and try to create a new one.  

Gale, I know your 1 year anniversary is coming up.  I will be sending peace to you.  

Comment by Rj on June 4, 2015 at 7:32pm

It truly is the worst pain tina. I keep thinking time would make things at least bearable. Larry has been gone 4 months as of june 1st. I swear i feel my pain and sadness is stronger than ever. Like you , i saw my future with grandchildren, just grieing old eith my son and his family. That isnt going to happen. I looked forward to a wedding, daughter in law , grandbaby..i dont know how to live in this new world without him and those dreams. There is no joy.

Comment by Tina on June 4, 2015 at 6:58pm

Hi,

I lost my only child (son) last June 11th.  It is the worst pain anyone can imagine.  All my dreams left with the loss of my son.  He was only 33, had a girlfriend - no kids.  I was so looking forward to being a grandmother, will never experience it now.  I'm dreading the anniversary of his death, I still can't look at a picture of him without crying. 

Comment by Gale Brunault on May 19, 2015 at 7:14pm

Thank you so much for your kind words Katherine.  I've come to realize that the build up of an anniversary is often worse than the day itself.  I guess I want the year anniversary to just get here so I can feel like I've at least gone through round 1 of dealing with all the "important dates".  I plan on taking the day off and just spend it with my husband - the quieter the better.  I have a phone message he sent me 2 days before his passing but I've yet to listen to it again.  I think on the year anniversary I'm going to play it for the first time.  It will be tough but I need to get over that hump - the longer I waited the more anxious I started getting.  Now I need it to be heard and saved for another year.

I would love to see a picture of Lesley if you feel like sharing - It's always nice to put a face with a name.  Take care

Comment by katherine foster on May 12, 2015 at 11:01pm

Hi Gale
Lesly had Neuroblastoma, a rare childhood tumor.
My grief has changed over the years. It was so acute that first year. I too dreaded the 1 year anniversary. I just wanted to forget the day. I think I worked, which was good for me as it kept my mind busy. It was kind of like mothers day still is for me. The build up I had in my mind about it was worse for me than the actual day. I still feel an acute loss but I have been able to stuff away her memory into a nice tidy little ball that I carry everywhere with me. The sadness still rears it's ugly little head at some expected and unexpected times.
Some people plant something on the anniversary. Some have a memorial of some kind. For my husband and i, its just so painful we simple do our best to forget it.
Overall, though, the grief has softened as the years pass.
I wish you the best and honestly feel your pain as this day nears for you and your family.

Comment by Gale Brunault on May 12, 2015 at 6:58pm

Katherine what type of cancer did your precious daughter have?  It must have been so terrible to see her suffer - children shouldn't never have to go through adult illnesses!  My one year anniversary is coming up June 9th and I'm so anxious about it.  For one thing I can't wrap my head around the fact I've been without my Michael for almost a year!  He was the love of my life - even though it seems like a lifetime of not having him, it also seems like yesterday that I got the news.  Would you say it gets easier?

Comment by katherine foster on May 10, 2015 at 1:14pm

Thank you for the supportive things you have offered me in this short time I have been withis group. I am grateful to have finally found a group of grieving parents who's situation is similar to mine.

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