Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on November 14, 2012 at 6:18am

(((((Hugs))))) It just seems the right way to start this note to you Kayla. I am so sorry that you are suffering. A mother is special in ways we can't even express or even understand until we can't share something new. But even if she is not there to give you new words of encouragement, her words and advise haven't left you. I know if you stop and listen you will hear her words come out of your month - sometimes I glance at the mirror and see my mom or see her hands as I work or play - but she is in you and she taught you every minute she was with you. You are not alone and God has promised to bring her back in the resurrection - this is just a pause in your relationship. Do you believe in God and his word the Holy Bible? I would love to share some comforting scriptures with you. . .

(2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17) "May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and gave everlasting comfort and good hope by means of undeserved kindness, comfort YOUR heart."

Sincerely,

Brenda

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

www.grief-and-comfort.com

Permalink Reply by Kayla Weihs on November 14, 2012 at 8:15am

I do believe in God, but to be honest, the only times I have gone to church since Mom died has been when Mass is dedicated to Mom. I'm not a super religious person, but I do believe in Heaven and I do know that Mom has gone there. I would just much rather have her here with me.

She did teach me a lot, and I find myself being more and more like her every day. That makes me very happy, but sad at the same time. Sad because she's not here to see how much she has influenced the person I have become.

I do have dreams where Mom comes to visit me, and they are so real that I know they aren't just dreams. She really came to see me. When I wake up, I'm so upset that she's gone that I just cry and cry. But then I say out loud, "Mom, even though I'm crying and it hurts that you're gone, don't stop coming to see me!"

Sorry, I know I'm rambling, but I don't get to just vent very often. I usually start crying and people try to comfort me or feel sorry for me. That's not what I want, so I just stopped trying to talk about it. Thanks for being there and for your words of comfort, Brenda Ann.

Permalink Reply by Mary on November 14, 2012 at 9:42am

Hi Kayla, I think your mom sees you and knew before you how much she'd influenced you.  I agree those dreams are probably more real then you know and I agree, I don't want my mom to stop coming to see me, I want her to come more!  I understand what you mean about the friends and family wanting to comfort you or feel sorry for you.  My friends just stopped asking me how I was because they really did not want to hear I was hurting.  Now when someone asks me how I am I just say "blessed."  I can't tell you it gets easier, I am only 7 months into this myself, seems the days get either easier some days and not others or I just try to blank it out.

Permalink Reply by Kayla Weihs on November 14, 2012 at 10:02am

I'm so happy that I found somewhere to talk about this and be accepted! Thank you, Mary, for your kind words. Being into it for over 4 years, I can say that it has gotten easier on a day to day basis, but I still have those moments where it's just as bad as the day we lost her. Her birthday, anniversary of her death, Christmas, my birthday, etc... Of course, I had to go to see the doctor and get on anti-depressants. Took me almost 4 years to do it, but I'm glad I did it. I had been living with the grief for so long that I was constantly thinking about death. Not about actually taking my own life, but everything  I did, I would think about how it could kill me and I could be with Mom.   I was starting to think I was going crazy. The meds helped me, thank God!! They didn't take away the thoughts, just made them easier to handle.

If you ever want to talk about your loss or anything else, feel free. I love to listen, and I love that I found this place!

Permalink Reply by Mary on November 14, 2012 at 10:40am

Thanks.  I've not had all my "firsts" without my mom yet, except her birthday which was Halloween.  I am not looking forward to next week or Christmas or my birthday in January.  My mom made all of them so special and without her I am thinking I would rather just not even celebrate them but everyone keeps telling me that she would not want us to stop celebrating them so we have to do it for her.  I am afraid I am really going to lose it.  I have antidepressants the doctor gave me, I just have not taken any of them yet.  I am a little scared to.

Permalink Reply by Kayla Weihs on November 14, 2012 at 10:51am

The firsts are always rough. My mom died 8 days before my 25th birthday. Her and my husband (fiance at the time), were setting up a surprise birthday party for me. Of course, he had to tell me about it, so it wasn't a surprise anymore, but I still went since all of my family talked me into it. It was tough to get through, but I made it through. First Christmas was the absolute worst. Now, it's still hard, but I've gotten a lot better about it. I have so many nieces and nephews now, it makes it more fun. Mom wouldn't have wanted me to stop enjoying my favorite holiday just because she can't celebrate it with me. She's there in spirit!

Try not to be scared about taking the medicine. It doesn't make you a walking zombie or anything, it just helps to get you through the tough times. What kind did your Dr. prescribe? I'm on 150 mg Effexor. It really helps. It's not the lowest dose, but also not the highest dose. I've been on it since April, and it doesn't make all of your sadness go away and it definitely doesn't make you forget her. It just takes some of the edge off of the sadness. If you're scared, you could try taking the lowest dose to start, but don't take my advise on that, you should talk to the Dr.

I added you as a friend, so anytime you want to talk, send me a msg.

Hang in there! :)

Permalink Reply by Anne on December 25, 2012 at 7:43am

Mary, This is my "first" Christmas without Mom, and at my father's request, we are not celebrating. Or to be more specific, he is not getting or sending gifts or cards to anyone, my brother and I are free to do what we want, of course he has kids, so Christmas is a given for him.  Mine, is very, very quiet, no decorations, my partner is trying to make it a happy day, just isn't working though. 

Dad said that he was taking this year off of all holidays and birthdays.  He just can't face them yet without her by his side.  They were married for 48 years, and I can only imagine his grief.

I am on anti-depressants and anxiety meds too, I have been on them for quite a while (for other reasons than my mom's cancer) and they are a help, they don't stop the feelings, or take the memories away, they just take the edge off like Kayla said. I am also going to add you as a friend, and if you need to vent just let me know.