It been nearly three years since my mom died. I still cry every day. They say the pain will dull in time and for it increased as the days goes by. I can't help thinking if I had kept my mouth shut would she be alive today?.... Did me mentioniong the DNR kill her?

I feel my only happiness is when I die. I'm so tired of living. So tired of putting on a happy face.

The holidays for the most part are not bad. We only celebrate thanksgiving and I work all holidays. Lol my boss gave off thanksgiving!
I feel so tired, tired of the pain...there are days I skip meals ,....I just feel so alone. No one can relate. My mom was my only family and now I have nothing. I cared for her for many years and now I have nothing. I just wish I was dead!

Views: 194

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Betty

I can understand your pain as I lost my mom on 15 May 2018. It is still very demotivating to live as I am not only fighting with grief of losing my mother but also guilt of not taking complete care of her during her cancer days. 

But I will request you to find motivation to live in helping others. This is the best way we can serve our lives by helping others who are in need. Please check your surroundings, there will be some one who needs help. 


Hello Betty Ellsworth, "nobody can relate"!.    How very true this is!.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.

I dont know the trick to getting and feeling better, but I do know that somehow we both have to.

Life is a real bastard when we lose someone close to us.

I lost my mum several years ago, she fell over and that was that, I felt like an orphan, but nothing could have prepared me for losing my wife.

Betty, I want to say something to help you. I just don't know what that something is. I haven't got a clue because I am still brokenhearted myself.

I feel like I can relate to you. I hope it's at least a comfort to know that you're not alone.


I can relate to you in many ways unfortunately.  I am an only child, still live with my Dad but we are not close.  My Mom is my best friend.  

I feel extreme guilt for not using the respirator, even though I dont think she wanted it.  I wonder, what if and WHY didn’t I make the doctors do something and why didn’t I talk to the doctors more like I usually do and what was wrong with me?  I went over and over it again and again.  I have no answers.  And it feels horrible to think that I could have done something.  I mean I’d go around squirting hand sanitizer in her hands all the time, trying to protect her in every way possible and then when it counts, I do nothing?  We were so careful about everything our whole lives and then I ruin everything in an instant.  I can’t live with that.

I hate life, I’m always tired or nervous, I’m completely alone, I don’t always eat, and I want to die.  

And Christmas was our favorite time, she’s like Mrs. Claus so I’m not spending it without her.

Hi Betty

I wish I could find a good reply for you. I  feel deep loneliness and sadness since the death of my mother last  month.My wish is to die like her. Iam Crying everyday, go to work even on weekend, skipping meals, feeling like a homeless person as I believe in "Home is here mum is". My mum was all my life and my only family. My psychiatric advised me that I should socialize even I found it hard now, go outdoors, volunteer in charity campaigns. I am just trying to follow his instruction now and hopefully they can be useful for us.




Latest Activity

Billy Jo Colt left a comment for Miriam Holmes
"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
18 hours ago
M Adams commented on Miriam Holmes's blog post Healing Repetition
"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well.  What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
Shirelle posted a status
"It will be 2 months since my son pass I'm feel do lost I'm don't want to work but have bills I don't want to talk to anyone just want to cry"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
Katherine A Pericas Geersten commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, My name is Katherine.  I am learning how to deal with the loss of my mom, she passed away two months ago.My mom was never my best friend, but she was so much more. She made me the person that I am today and living without her has…"
Katherine A Pericas Geersten joined Karen's group

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Katherine A Pericas Geersten posted a discussion

Hello, a little bit about me.

Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
Profile IconRonald Gordon and Dona Fiedler joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain.  A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out.  I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Hi, I'm brand new, too.  I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to.  Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us.  Whatever your loss, I…"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I knew…See More
Profile IconNovember and Arlene Vesia joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Boots updated their profile
bluebird and M Adams are now friends
Carol Peckham Taylor left a comment for Greg Darby
"Sorry to hear of your loss. Taking baby step and present moment living will help, along with your family and close friends."
Profile IconMiriam Holmes and Greg Darby joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 19
Shirelle posted a status
"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
Jan 17
Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 16
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Jan 14
Sue M joined Kar's group

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Jan 14

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service