Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Gartman on November 8, 2010 at 1:53am

Hello Everyone,

My name is Cheryl and I miss my 11 year old daughter VERY, VERY, MUCH!!!!! But she has not passed away. Her father left and she chose to go with him and I have not seen her in almost a year. I do not know exactly where they live but I know what town. She is very angry at me for a TON of good reasons. I attempted suicide the day I found out he was getting remarried and I was being replaced. It didn't work. God won't let me go. I have tried and tried and tried to talk to her on the phone and she just ignores me. I text her all the time with no reply. She did tell me she was happy now and to basically leave her alone. I am in so much grief!!!! To lose my LIVING child is KILLING me!!!!! She's my Amazing Grace and I miss her soooooo much!!!! The holidays are going to be hell!!! I'm scared I might do something stupid again! Please pray for me as I will pray for all of you. Thank you for your time. Namaste, Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 9, 2010 at 8:28pm

Cheryl,
I have to say that I know exactly how you are feeling. When I divorced my first husband, my only son chose to live with his dad. It was heart wrenching for me, to lose my son. I went on a drug binge for over 2 years, was almost successful in my first suicide attempt. When my husband found me I had almost no sign of life. When they got me to the emergency room I had a heart attack. While they were resuscitating me I swear that I saw hell. I know that I was somewhere that I didn't want to be and it scared me to death. I then tried again and this time ended up on a mental health ward.

I don't really know what to say about how to get your daughter to talk to you again. All I know is that maybe if you give her some time she may come around. Right now she is a confused, scared young woman. Not only is she having to deal with divorced parents, but she is also having to deal with her own body changes and that alone is very trying for a young lady.
I know that it is going to be hard without her at the holidays. Maybe send her a little gift, something from the heart, and no more than that. Don't pressure her any more than you have to right now.
She needs some space to sort out her own feelings. You are her mother, and nobody can ever replace that. It is just going to take her some time to be able to get over whatever is making her so angry.
I don't really know the entire situation as to why she is so angry with you, and maybe it would be a good thing to get some counseling about this. Someone that is a professional might be able to guide you better on what you should do to regain your daughter's trust back.
Don't think that your daughter doesn't love you anymore. She is just a child and this kind of situation can be very traumatic for her. So she will react with anger.
I will talk any time you need someone to talk to. I definitely recommend getting some help for yourself right now. If you are not healthy enough to take care of yourself, then you will not be healthy enough to try and rebuild your relationship with your daughter.
You also should read your Bible as much as you can, especially when you are feeling down, angry or alone. I will pray for you that you find peace within yourself and that God can open your daughter's eyes to the love that you have for her in your heart. Many Blessings, Gyla

Permalink Reply by Kris Maron on November 19, 2010 at 10:14am

On January 10th of 2010 my 5 year old baby girl and I were in a snowmobile accident in which she was taken at the scene.

It has been 313 days since I held her last. I want her back more than anything else in the world. I feel so badly that there are others out there, have the burden of my pain, my sorrow & my relentless quest to make another day feel at least "okay".

Permalink Reply by Kar on November 19, 2010 at 1:26pm

So sorry Kris ((( big hugs & understanding to you )))

Permalink Reply by jennifer on November 20, 2010 at 6:24pm

On April 22,2009 my son Caden was brutally murdered by a man i fell in love with..God took 1 angel but sent me another,i was 5 weeks pregnant when this happened with this man's child.I now have a beautiful son who looks just likes his brother and if not for him or my other children i probaly wouldnt be here or i'd be in the pysch ward..The worst day of my life was finding my son half dead,then having to bury him,the 2nd was telling my kids there brother was gone and the 3rd was finding out the man i gave my love and trust to hurt my son and then sat there and watched him die,keeping me busy so i wouldnt find out what he did..On june 25th 2010 he was sentenced to only 13yrs in prison,i am now working with the state senenate to change some laws in my son's name

Permalink Reply by Gyla Lynn Darden on November 23, 2010 at 10:56pm

Jennifer,
I am so sorry about your son, but I rejoice in the new son that you now have. I couldn't imagine losing a child the way that you did. Especially when you lost your son due to someone that you loved and trusted. God will definitely shine on you for handling everything the way that you have and continuing on in life. It is appalling that the man that murdered your child only got 13 years, but I think it is a powerful thing that you are doing to change the laws in your state. I pray that you accomplish what you set out to do in honor of your son.

I will pray for your strength and that the Lord guides you in your quest. God Bless you and your family.
Many Blessings, Gyla

Permalink Reply by Noel Bertucci on December 2, 2010 at 8:39pm

Karen:

Thank you for having set up this group. I am a grieving mother. My son Matthew died on March 19, 2010. This was 18 days after his 20th birthday. He had struggled with cancer for over a year. The day befoore he was to start radiation treatment he had a heart attack and died 3 days later. Since then, I have had a very leaky face. I am comforted to know Matt is in heaven, but, I miss him so much. I try to keep busy but, some days it is extremely hard, I would rather stay in bed and hide from the rest of the world. Then, I think how Matt fought cancer, even though it was hard for him since he had been misdiagnosed for 6 months and deterioated greatly. He would not want me to hide from the world, so, I get up and get moving. Now, how do I face the holidays without his smile or love?

Noel

Permalink Reply by Kar on December 2, 2010 at 11:58pm

Welcome Noel - So sorry about Matthew !!! ((( hug ))) I wish I had an answer for you on the holiday- I think we all deal with these big days differently (there is no right way) - I deeply struggle- so I tend to send hugs... some on here have real inspiring things to say ... hope you can find some comfort here.

Permalink Reply by suzanne zulli on December 10, 2010 at 11:24pm

I lost my beautiful 20 year old daughter, Tillie 3 weeks ago, due to Sudep. (sudden unexplained death due to epilepsy).  She was engaged to be married, and had many plans for her future.  She was my best friend, and I am still stunned,   and it seems to be getting harder every day, I guess as the reality sets in.  My heart is badly broken, and I dont think there is ever going to be a way to heal it.

Permalink Reply by Shaina Hollins on February 22, 2011 at 7:36am

As I read all of your stories I wonder if this is even the right group for me to be in. I delivered my stillborn baby on january 31st - I was 28 weeks along and all I think about is how close I was to the end. My daughter was due to be born in april 2011. Elyssa is my first child and my husband's third. All I've ever wanted in life was to be a mother and that was ripped right out from under me. It makes me wonder at times if I'm even meant to be a mother at all.

The doctor told us they had found a large amount of Elyssa's blood mixed in with mine meaning the placenta had ruptured somehow and she was unable to get any oxygen. Apparently in situations like mine the mother usually feels a lot of pain and experiences bleeding but I had none of that. I only went to the doctor because I realized the baby hadn't moved in a while. When I look back I wonder if I had paid more attention to her movements would I have ben able to save her-would I be holding her in my arms right now instead of typing this unfair story.

My husband and I decided to keep the baby with us in the hospital room afterwards for as long as they would let us.18 hours just wasn't long enough but in reality no amount of time would have been long enough. The following saturday we held a visitation for our daughter and the next day a private funeral service was held. I never in my life thought I would have to bury my child, especially before I even got a chance to know her, to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to watch her grow. I had so many hopes and dreams for her as any parent has for their child and every single one of them was crushed along with my heart.

My husband is very supportive and has been my rock but I fear that I'm becoming a burden on him when he,too,is sad and grieving. I don't want him to feel like he has to be strong for me. Even men need to cry. I have been searching for counseling and support groups near us but for some reason am having a difficult time getting results. Why does it have to be so hard to find help when I've just done the hardest thing any parent has to do?

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on February 22, 2011 at 8:11am

try compassionate friends they have local chapters nearly everywere there are monthyly meetings and all types of tragic stories. I am so sorry for what you are going through there are no quick fixes for sure. It takes time support from others and faith to get through. I have been going through my grief for two years and it still rips me apart the only improvment is i have learned to control when i focus on it so i can function. I wish you the best and ill be praying for you to have peace.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on April 2, 2011 at 2:40pm

Greetings Shaina, I unfortunately have just come across your story and I am saddened, once again, to hear about another mother's pain. I just wanted to say to you and any others that has lost a child as young as yours, that it does NOT matter how old your child is when you lose them, when theyare robbed of their life. You carried your baby girl in your womb for no matter how long or short, she is and will forever be your daughter. The age of your child does NOT measure your grief and your pain. I will post a poem for you that I have posted many times before.

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