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My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
My husband is my soulmate, my love, my heart. I knew from the moment I met him that we were soulmates, meant to be together (that is not hyperbole -- I really did know). We were together for nearly 13 years before he died; he died of a sudden, unexpected heart attack, literally one week to the day after our wedding. His death killed him and destroyed me.
I cannot begin to explain the devastation. From the second I knew he died I have wanted him to come back, to have our life together that we were meant to have -- and failing that, I want nothing more than to die. I am agnostic (verging on atheist, since my husband died), so I don't know if there's a god or an afterlife. I hope there is, and that my husband is there, happy and still himself, and that we will be together again, and I hope I die as soon as possible so that I can be with him. If there is no such thing as an afterlife, then I still hope I die as soon as possible so that this horrific pain of missing him will be over.
The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it should. The second worst thing is not having him here with me, living our life together. But after those, there are so many other bad things now -- whatever tenuous faith I may have had in the possibility of a loving god is gone and now if there is a god I hate her/him, any chance we/I had to have children is gone, I can barely relate to my family or spend time with them (though they are wonderful and loving, but it's not enough to make me want to live), I am severely depressed and have absolutely no desire to live.
People say "It's sad, but you have to move on". No, I f***ing don't -- and won't, in any way. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I promised my family that I wouldn't, but there's no way I will choose to live for years -- if god or the universe or whatever doesn't kill me, eventually I will. For as long as I am forced to live, I will NEVER date anyone else -- I am MARRIED, and my husband's death does not change that. The very idea of even going on a date with anyone else is sickening to me, and always will be (I'm not condemning anyone else who chooses to date after the death of their spouse or partner, I'm just saying that this is how it is for me). I have no desire to ever do anything with my life now (I didn't used to be like that, only since my husband died).
I'm not even sure why I'm typing this here, or what I'm looking for. I definitely don't want any responses about how god never gives us more than we can bear, or how god is good, or basically anything about god -- if god exists at all, i have no use for her/him. No offense to those who do have faith of any kind, but it's not for me and I don't want to hear it.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Casey on
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I read from Deepark Chopra that it does make a difference if we believe in an afterlife. Our consciousness is in tune with the universe consciousness, some call God, and we project whatever want to see after we die. Christians see Jesus Buddhist see Buddha but if we don't believe in anything we won't
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It all about love and how we live this on earth. Atheist are just as giving as people of faith. Who can deny any "beautiful soul" to live in the afterlife.
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Permalink Reply by bluebird on
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Deepak Chopra is just a human, like the rest of us. He believes that what we believe regarding an afterlife will make a difference regarding the afterlife we see or end up in; that doesn't mean he is correct. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but there's no way to know. I am agnostic regarding the existence of an afterlife -- I don't know if there is one or not. If Mr. Chopra is correct (and hopefully if he isn't), I will be with my husband in the afterlife, and eventually my other loved ones, and that's really all I care about. I don't give a damn if there's a "god" there or not.
I can tell you that I don't believe in a god, but if there is then I am in no way "in tune" with it, as if it exists I blame it for allowing my husband to die.
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Permalink Reply by Jesse's Mom on
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I have just found this youtube channel on ndes from around the world, including arab, german, france, etc.
There are subtitles underneath in english so you can read along.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxZK44-MVBGPKiXT4tCrN-g/videos
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This best read on Mediumship.
Why Spirit Communication?
By Rev. Simeon StefanidakisEvidential Mediumship
Why would someone wish to communicate with their spirit loved ones? What does this accomplish, for them as well as for the loved ones in Spirit? Why would spirit wish to "come back" and communicate to their earthly loved ones? What type of information does spirit seek to impart to those of us on the Earth plane?
These are just a few of the questions which people ask when they consider mediumship and spirit communication. It all boils down to one basic question: Why? Why should spirit in the body seek to establish communication with spirit out of the body, and vice versa?
Let's examine some of these questions.
First: why seek spirit communication, through a medium? Spirit communication helps bring together that which seems to have become separated and lost, through death: love and interaction with our loved ones. We seek spirit communication because we want to know: do our loved ones survive death; if so, where are they, and are they the same people that we knew and loved while together on earth?
Mediumship answers both of these concerns with a resounding YES. YES, our loved ones survive death. They go to a place not separated by distance, but by dimension. And YES, they survive, as we knew them on earth. The only thing they leave behind, through death, is the physical body and earthly treasures; everything else goes with them.
This, alone, gives tremendous comfort to the grieving. And as wonderful as this revelation is, there is one even more wonderful: we, too, shall survive this elusive experience which we call death.
Our work with mediumship has shown us, clearly, that communicating with spirit loved ones can be a tremendous source of resolve, closure, and, especially, healing. How often have we seen loved ones, reaching across the doorway of life, in order to express how sorry they are for the errors of the past. This applies not only to those in the body, but in Spirit as well. The opportunity to say "I'm sorry" can bring with it an amazing healing for all concerned. Although death does not suddenly give us insight into all of life's wonders and mysteries, it does change things. Spirit perceives things from a different perspective. The very fact that an individual awakens in Spirit, alive and well, can be a most amazing revelation in itself. Thus, spirit is anxious to relate to their earthly loved ones what they have come to see and how they have changed since their passing.
In many ways, death can be likened to a journey. If you take a trip to a foreign land, or move away from those whom you love, what would be your first order of business, when arriving at your destination? Most of us would want to call home and let our loved ones know that we arrived safely. Thus it is with death. Spirit wishes to convey to us that they have made the journey and are OK. Mediumship can be the telephone line through which this communication takes place.
Finally, what would spirit wish to communicate to us? Obviously, no one can make categorical statements, here, but just think about it for a while. Some mediums pride themselves at being able to give names, addresses, telephone numbers, license plate numbers, and other such trivial information. As interesting as all this may be to the observer, what does it actually prove or demonstrate? Certainly, it is impressive. Certainly, it proves that some type of psychic link has been established between the medium and the sitter. But, does it really prove survival? Does it really prove that the medium is in contact with your spirit loved one? Not necessarily.
In order to explain our reasons here, let me ask you a question. If you were to die and were suddenly given an opportunity -- perhaps the only one -- to communicate to your earthly loved ones, what do you think you would want to say to them? Would you really want to given them your old address or telephone number? Would you really want to talk about money and romance? Would you not rather wish to convey who you REALLY are: the nature of your personality; your likes and dislikes; what motivated you in life; memories of things you did with your loved ones while on earth? In other words, would you not prefer to convey: "It's really me; I am here with you; I am OK"?
This is precisely the difference between a medium and a psychic. A psychic can give names and addresses. But, only a medium -- one who has touched and linked with the spirit of your loved one -- can convey the true essence, love, and spirit of that person. And that bears with it the greatest of evidence and comfort to one who is grieving.
Thus, we have one of the most profound reasons why people seek genuine spirit communication. We also have one of the greatest sources of disappointment for people who visit mediums.
It's the difference between looking at a picture of your loved one and actually having your loved one there, sharing the experience of that picture with you. Mediums must come to understand this. They must nurture sensitivity: not only to the vibrations of those in Spirit, but to the reasons why spirit seeks to communicate with spirit. Thus it is with evidential mediumshi
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I'm going to throw this out there for those who want to approach our "reality" from a really different perspective. One in which there have been many tests done on theories that actually end up being supported by experiments which have proven the hypothesis. Mainly it has to do with energy or the consciousness that science has through experiment been testing and they are getting results that will blow your mind.
What I "believe" is, science is on the cusp of being able to explain a lot more about extra dimensions, the higgs field, quantam entanglement, gravitons, consciousness, microtubules and more. Technology has opened up horizons never before possible. The Hubble telescope, Fermi lab, the Large Hadron collider are just a few of the marvels that are providing concrete answers. This is about chemistry and biology and information that they think is contained in the universe operating mathematically under the fundamental laws of physics. This is so much more than "belief" in a book written back in the Dark Ages. This is the present exploration of the universe that is revealing the hows and whys of the manifestation of "us" and the possible reveal of where we go afterwards.
We who have endured the pain and suffering of losing the love of our life know there is more to it than just what a psychologist can impart as to how we feel and why we feel it. We "feel" it in the most innermost sanctum. It comes to us in waves. Some rougher, some smoother. We translate that feeling into reality. But we must remember how many levels of energy are involved in "us". I will give those who are interested a starter link for thought especially because I am not sure how to do this so I will come back and see if I actually was able to insert the link.
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Permalink Reply by Robin on
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M Morgan,
I would like to have the link and read more about this please message me.
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Has anyone ever heard of Dr. Moodys work with the psychomanteum for connecting to ones in spirit? (He is the one who first published on NDEs) Here is a link to it
The Psychomanteum is a chamber invented by Dr. Moody, but inspired by the ancient techniques used for 2500 years at the Oracle of the Dead in Ephyra Greece. A visitor to the Psychomanteum often experiences contact with departed loved ones.
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