Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 7, 2017 at 10:50am

Michael:

I did to help pay for Annette's funeral. It never reached its full amount ( made $1000 instead of the $3000 dollars). The money I did recieve 100 percent was used to pay for her cremation. I committed the last of our savings (meant for our rent) to pay for the other half. But thanks.

Permalink Reply by morgan on January 7, 2017 at 3:13pm

Richard,

I think Michael has a good idea.  Do it for you this time.  Let us know where we might help.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  At least it is a possible way to keep you in your home for now.  Anything will help right?

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 8, 2017 at 7:52am

I appriciate the suggestions but i no longer care what happens to me. I can't live without Annette. If I managed to keep the apartment, I'd only extend my suffering. I want to let whatever happens happens. If this is the world that's left I don't see any point in making my suffering last.

Please understand, there is nothing here. A bed, my wife's urn. I have no clothes to wear except a pair of sweatpants which I've used to go to work with. 

I want the pain both physical and mental to go away. And the only way that will happen is when I'm reuinted with my wife.

Having no children, no friends, no money I am literally isolated. Alone to grieve by myself in our tiny apartment. I have nothing. I know people think there's hope but in my case my morbid obesity, inability to walk without exhaustion or pain and beingas i said, poor, I am wating to move from this life to be withmy wife. 

I've reached my breaking point now. I can't stomach the agony and hope Annette comes to collect me soon. I can already feel my body still getting weaker and weaker each day. ANd I smile and think "My love will take by the hand and tell me it's okay, hun, you can come home now,"

And you what? I'm going to hug her and never let her go. I can't imagine a more loving, more peaceful way to begin a new life. That's all we ever wanted. It was taken from us from this life.

But I know it waits for Annette and me in the next life. Unti then, I will suffer until my body finally shuts down from my ill health which I feel is coming soon. 

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 8, 2017 at 7:31pm

Richard,

So many of us understand, at least to some degree, how you feel. My daily circumstances are not as difficult as yours, though they are not good either (finances, health, etc.). Like you, I want only to die and be with my love.

While you are still here, however, have you considered trying to get social services involved with your current situation? Social workers, health workers, food banks, and places of worship can & will often assist people in your kind of situation.  Also, if your landlord is reasonable, perhaps s/he would consider a temporary reduction or abeyance/suspension of rent, if your circumstances were explained to her/him. If you don't feel up to trying to contact those people/places, perhaps your sister could do it for you.

In any case, I wish you peace.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 12, 2017 at 4:58pm

I got the call today that I was fired from my temp job. Penniless, my beloved wife gone. The eviction too.

I am so tired and just want to be with my wife. I can survive witout her/

Annette my veloved come to me and take with you.

I'm alone in the world, please take my hand now my love. my body is frail asnd I need you to come to me and take mne by ther hand...now

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 14, 2017 at 8:26pm

I would like to thank those people who donated money to my go fund me account. it's greatly appreciated. although I will be evicted, unemployable, penniless with only the clothes on my back and my wife's ashes to take with me, I take our memories ( the good and bad with me).

When we met, we were a pair of broken down, pathetic people who by miracle found each other.

It was our pain that we learned to love each no matter what came our way. Annette and I were two separate souls who gave it a good try to be happy. But so much pain and fear were thrown at us. Together we stood by each others side and the fear would disappear. Now I understand that my grief, comes at price when love is at stake.

We have no children we were poor And barely made the rent. There were days when we had no food, no money for food and we would go to bed hungry and we couldn't go to a church food pantry because we were too weak and ill to walk. And no one would help.

But I also remember the good times telling each other how much we loved each other before we went to bed. Those cold nights we had no heat and we'd cling to each in bed to stay warm

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 14, 2017 at 8:48pm

Richard,

I am truly sorry for your loss, and for the additional difficult times which have followed it.

I know how hard it can be to do anything for yourself while grieving, how hard it can be to even care enough to do so. However, if possible, can you try to contact someone at the church, food pantry, local social services, who may be able to help you with finances and housing? The U.S. is not great when it comes to supporting its citizens, but there are some people and organizations who do try to help, and I would recommend that you try to avail yourself of them.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 14, 2017 at 9:01pm

Already went down. For rent help you must employed and income coming in.

Tried to reason with landlord and nothing.

Pain is blinding as my weight has made it hard now more than ever to get around.

Social services doesn't work because an income however small is required. If you're unemployed it's sorry but we can't help. They don't invest in people who are unemyed. half a dozens of church's we tried. Sorry we can't help or no response was what we got. There is nowhere to go.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 16, 2017 at 12:04pm

Homeless preventive works on the notion they will help with rent but you have to have income coming in to justify assistance.

Shelter? First come first served.

Men's shelters are few ( I know )
I don't have the kind of money too hop from one to the other hoping I can find one. I can barely walk as it is and was turned down for SS disability.

As I write this the sherif just left notice for eviction under my door

I'm going to see the landlord and see if she'll back off and give me more time to pay back rent.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 17, 2017 at 1:43pm

I will homeless. My wife, who I've cherished is gone. No job prospects. Tried every shelter and its priority for women, families, the elderly and handicapped. Single men are on their own.

What do I do?

Even my GO Fund Me account didn't generate enough money for my wife cremation. I even modified it so now I was asking for help explaining my situation and still no donations.

It's cold outside . I see people going about their day. It's so beautiful. Maybe I'll go for a walk myself.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 17, 2017 at 5:03pm

if anyone can help before my eviction, id like to include my go fund me link in the hope anyone can pass it around.

https://www.gofundme.com/please-help-with-my-wifes-funeral

I am finally at a point where im waiting for the court officer to knock on the door and evict me. There's nowhere else to go. The only possessions i have are my wife''s ashes and the clothes on my back. Those are the only things I'll be taking when they come for me.

thanks

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 25, 2017 at 6:07pm

I have been getting weaker and weaker and I'm so tired I don't know what else to do I wish my wife would just come for me. I'm tired of waiting. I'm feeling chest pains. Landlord called but didn't leave a message. I assumed he's calling to let me know about my eviction.

I find myself shaking with really bad tremors and I can't even breathe well. I'm losing my mind and my sanity.

I keep screaming for Annette at night. The silence and loneliness are taking their toll on me. Can't see well either.

I'm finding myself stretching the food to make it last. Brothers and sister stopped by to help but I'm a chore and they deserve better than to help someone like me so far gone on. I want them to be happy and I'm grateful for them.

But my place is with my love. I can feel my life draining. It's a weird sensation when you can't really walk well keep your eyes open and then find yourself an absolute pain when you just take a few steps .

I sat outside today where my wife and I would sit together. she was there. I could feel her with me. I could sense her there beside me.

If I can hold on to the apartment just long enough before I am evicted, I could pass on without being a homeless person, I could then go quietly and be with her.
That's all I ask. I pray in earnest that my time comes quickly. I don't want her to see me sitting on a park bench with nowhere to go.

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