Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nora on June 25, 2017 at 11:55pm

Today was the day when they nested in my hair.

I failed today.

At the same time I did many things - only decided not to go anywhere as I cried and my eyes hurt.

My condition is not healthy, it is exhausting. I am getting very tired and upset. It is hard to move anywhere.

My plan for tomorrow:

1. Start my diet to be healthy and look like myself. It will take 3-4 months but I will be there.

2. Go out to visit banks

3. Buy food for my diet.

4. Hug my dogs.

5. Send at least 5 resumes in the morning.

6. Call cemetery - this is the hardest one...

7. Keep listening to meditation to calm down.

Permalink Reply by M Adams on June 12, 2018 at 8:53pm

Thought of you today for some reason -- that bird nest image has stayed with me -- hope you're doing better.

Permalink Reply by Nora on June 13, 2018 at 8:59pm

Thank you, M Adams.

Unfortunately, I am still the same broken woman in that cold lonely nest. No moving anywhere. Stuck! Pieces of broken life scattered around. Nothing whole... 

What about you? How are you?

Permalink Reply by M Adams on June 14, 2018 at 12:02pm

So sorry to hear that you are still feeling broken.  Stuck and broken are both apt adjectives for me as well, I think, but bereavement is a process and there are changes that I'm perceiving, though they're not necessarily all positive.  (For example, I cry less and less easily, which is a relief, although it may just be that I am more successfully repressed now.)

Permalink Reply by Nora on June 20, 2018 at 4:15pm

I had to start working back to December and I had to start driving across the city. I can tell - it is hard. Seeing all those places that are not "our" places any more. I cannot come home and tell him - lets got to eat our Mexican food - and he knows exactly where I want to go. All our old "our places" vanished and seeing those places only hurts me.

I cry when I go out. Actually I don't feel like going out at all. I feel safe when I am locked in my house. I go out when I drive to work and buy some food. Im funny - I am trying to buy everything possible online just to avoid regular shopping in "our-not-our-anymore-places". So stupid.

May be I just need another year to accept the loss and to adjust to this "my only new life" that I hate.

Nobody said it would be not hard but it IS very hard.

Permalink Reply by M Adams on November 21, 2017 at 12:16am

Thanks for the image and the proverb -- they help.