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No Nesting In My Hair
"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". ~ Old Chinese Proverb
I have one more member of the group now so its better to make discussions.
This is how I feel right now. Fetus? Egg? it's against nature to stay like this... Broken wings, broken heart, broken hopes, broken life...
For 3 months I was tempted to lessen this tragedy in my life by numbing my mind with alcohol, sleeping or escape from it by reading or watching TV incessantly.
At the same time, I started thinking that it is essential for a healthy bereavement that I NOT avoid extreme emotions and anxiety in the first few months following a loss. I must experience the whole thing fully in order to successfully process grief and move on. I let myself return back to March about 2 weeks ago and go through my horrible pain, and cry and don't sleep, and scream late at night. Now I feel empty, I can cry and I feel pain, but it is not covering the whole world with a black blanket. My victories are very small and short but they are my victories.
NO NESTING IN MY HAIR!
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nora on
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Today was the day when they nested in my hair.
I failed today.
At the same time I did many things - only decided not to go anywhere as I cried and my eyes hurt.
My condition is not healthy, it is exhausting. I am getting very tired and upset. It is hard to move anywhere.
My plan for tomorrow:
1. Start my diet to be healthy and look like myself. It will take 3-4 months but I will be there.
2. Go out to visit banks
3. Buy food for my diet.
4. Hug my dogs.
5. Send at least 5 resumes in the morning.
6. Call cemetery - this is the hardest one...
7. Keep listening to meditation to calm down.
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Permalink Reply by M Adams on
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Thought of you today for some reason -- that bird nest image has stayed with me -- hope you're doing better.
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Thank you, M Adams.
Unfortunately, I am still the same broken woman in that cold lonely nest. No moving anywhere. Stuck! Pieces of broken life scattered around. Nothing whole...
What about you? How are you?
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So sorry to hear that you are still feeling broken. Stuck and broken are both apt adjectives for me as well, I think, but bereavement is a process and there are changes that I'm perceiving, though they're not necessarily all positive. (For example, I cry less and less easily, which is a relief, although it may just be that I am more successfully repressed now.)
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I had to start working back to December and I had to start driving across the city. I can tell - it is hard. Seeing all those places that are not "our" places any more. I cannot come home and tell him - lets got to eat our Mexican food - and he knows exactly where I want to go. All our old "our places" vanished and seeing those places only hurts me.
I cry when I go out. Actually I don't feel like going out at all. I feel safe when I am locked in my house. I go out when I drive to work and buy some food. Im funny - I am trying to buy everything possible online just to avoid regular shopping in "our-not-our-anymore-places". So stupid.
May be I just need another year to accept the loss and to adjust to this "my only new life" that I hate.
Nobody said it would be not hard but it IS very hard.
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