Hi Guys,

Having a pretty rough few weeks :/ I thought after Christmas and my mum's birthday things would start to feel better but right now everything is in turmoil.

I'm finding it really difficult to handle my relationships at the moment and was wondering if anyone else was having the same problem.

It hasn't been a year yet since Mum died and I'm finding myself so insecure with my other loved ones. Especially my boyfriend. We've been together over 3 years and he's stuck by my side throughout my mum's illness. Lately I'm irrationally insecure... for example I feel he doesn't tell me he loves me enough.. when really he usually tells me about once a day. If he takes a while to reply to one of my messages during the week I'm convinced I'm annoying him, when really he's just busy at work and I can't expect his undivided attention all day. I feel that he's going to leave me, whilst we're snuggled up watching a movie, cuddling. I'm in tears as I type because I feel so strongly about this.

And apart from him I feel insecure in general with people. I feel like a burden, like my grief will drive people away because they don't understand just how hard this is. And the more I cry or explain I'm upset to these people, the more insecure I feel.

My Dad was always leaving the house and coming back when I was growing up and my Mum meant so much to me, she was such a wonderful woman, my best friend. I think these insecurities stem from firstly having a father who came and went as he pleased, and now losing the most important person in my life. I feel so vulnerable and lost and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared of losing anyone else I love.

Please help - please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way.

K.T

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Hey K.T; am sorry you are feeling this way. Grief expresses itself in so many different ways. I don’t feel insecure; I mostly feel like am driving a wedge between myself and everyone since I’m always so sad and withdrawn. I can deal with the loneliness this creates; the only thing I can’t deal with is my daughter avoiding my company since am so sad all the time. I can usually put on a face but even though she’s two, she can see right through me. I feel like I burden people with my pain, so instead of putting the burden on them, I avoid them all together but I can’t avoid my daughter. I don’t know if am making sense but as you can see, grief can turn us into someone we don’t even recognize, you are not alone.

I completely can relate to this.  I also feel like my sadness will drive people away.  I also think that when people don't reply immediately to my messages they don't want to talk to me, when actually they are just busy and eventually do reply.  I am so scared of losing more people in my life who mean something to me, through me being so moody.  I try to put on a happy face but sometimes I just cannot.  I feel insecure and alone at times.  But it is just us that feel that way, the people who really love and care for us understand this.  I have been for counselling and I discussed this topic with my counsellor.  I don't want to be a burden on anyone.  I have been visiting my aunt alot lately.  She is my mom's only sister, and reminds me alot of my mom.  I like being around her because she is a "part" of my mom.  I like talking to her and I have stayed over at her house a few times.  I like being in a house with a family but I am very cautious not to make a nuisance of myself.  She is not my mother although I think of her like one.

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