Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 1, 2011 at 8:21pm

Can I scream now? Oh please someone respond. I don't understand!!! Help me understand....please

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on October 1, 2011 at 9:10pm

Karen,

Take a lot of very deep breaths and stay very close to you family.  

I only have my 7 yr old son.  No one in my family bothers to contact us.

My mother-in-law helps with my child while I am at work, but I have had to learn self support.

The shock from the trauma, and the grief itself alone is very, very hard to bear.

I know and we all on here know how difficult it is to cope.

Keep on expressing your feelings on here and we will talk to you, or at least I will.

Grief is a long process and it feels like the end of the world right now, but it gets better and easier.

Please write back.

Your friend, 

Michael

 

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 2, 2011 at 12:04am

Thank you for hearing me. I just need to know that Someone will say something to me except I'm sorry. I want to know that this is survivable. I want to know how this hollow shell of a person I have become may have a chance at being real again. I want to know...why. I thought maybe if I talked with others who have felt this pain (i use that word as a lame description of the feeling) someone might have some insight.

Permalink Reply by christianlee on October 2, 2011 at 1:34am

That above is beautifully put. I share in your sorrow....however I lost my dad. It still hurt like the world turned upside down. You are not alone. Sorry for your loss and pain.

Permalink Reply by Kristina Rose on October 3, 2011 at 3:33pm

Karen, that quote is beautiful. I was reading your posts and I want you to know that I too lost my big sister a month ago today. The first week she passed away it seemed like everyone was trying to help. And now all it is now is silence. I feel like every day gets worse instead of better. 

Permalink Reply by christianlee on October 3, 2011 at 6:28pm

Me too. We just had my dads birthday last week. It was very tough. I was counting down the days to the dreaded Fay and didn't sleep much at all. Sure tough to go through the firsts of everything without him.

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on October 12, 2011 at 11:21pm

That's as lovely as it is heartbreaking.  Part of me wishes I couldn't relate so well.  However, I know what you mean about the going through the motions and asking to be through.  I know that, over time, it's gotten less painful, less agonizing, less draining, less all-consuming.  I lost my wife 8 months ago, and for the first several I was in exactly the same place.  One of the things I've had to get next to is the idea that I will likely never understand why she chose to end her life, or why God decided I should have to deal with that....or why He still wants me around.  Letting go of the NEED to understand that has been helpful, even if I need to work through it again and again.  I've come to believe that if nothing else I'll get answers when I get to meet God face-to-face, and He'll be cool with it if I need to scream or cry or yell in the process.  For now, the job is just taking care of yourself.  Keep in touch with people who love you.  Eat.  Sleep.  Keep your home and your job.  There'll be time for more later on.  *hugs*

Permalink Reply by Christine Sutton on October 16, 2011 at 3:32pm

that just made me smile a little Karen, only because I keep trying to send you a private message and I can't until you accept my friend request...every time I see you write something about your Steve...I so relate. Because I lost my Steve too. I just want him back. I feel like a shell without Steve and I don't know how to make it through either. But both of our Steves I bet would want us to make it through... and that is all I have..the only shred really to hold onto. Your pain is very much like mine it sounds. Steve was the soul mate I never thought existed. And I know would have been with me for very long. ... for as long as we both lived. And our time of five years was far too short...and yet it was long enough to know there seems to be no way to ever live without him in my life. Going through the motions is exactly and all I can do as of now. And I can see nothing past that.

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 16, 2011 at 7:01pm

Christine I use my phone to reach this site and I cannot find a way to add or accept friends here. Just another of those things I want which some higher power seems to deny me. I am so sorry you, or anyone else for that matter is feeling what I feel. Maybe there IS strength in numbers, I come here to try to find strength that I cannot seem to obtain on my own. Bless the maker of this site, sometimes a tiny bit of feeling not quite so alone makes all the difference in the world.

Permalink Reply by Christine Sutton on October 16, 2011 at 10:27pm

I have a similar problem Karen..I can't respond from my phone to messages. I am sure I wouldn't be able to figure out the friend requests from my phone! I am in a place of not being able to comfort anyone yet. I am still in such a dark place of grief. people here have given me a little hope and a good amount of comfort. I feel you and I are in a very similar place in our process...which sometimes feels never ending. I keep feeling stuck in the "I just want Steve back" mode. Intellectually I know that won't happen. But my heart keeps going there...so just know you are not alone. Somewhere out there is me, feeling very much the same about my sweet Steve as you are about your sweet steve. :(