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Lost Mum 3 months ago to cancer, have problems with dad too
Hi,
well this is my first time here but I'd love to hear from anyone going through the same situation. I feel most people don't understand what I'm going through.
My mum had been ill for years but she always made light of it and always put it down to a bad back or feeling tired. It didn't help that my father constantly put her down and never helped her. He was always randomly leaving us and then coming back. We were financially dependent on him because she couldn't work as she never felt well. We went to the doctors but no one ever paid attention to her and kept saying she was just depressed. Then in January she had a heart attack, turned out she had a massive tumour pressing against her liver and bowels. After 3 months of trying to cure it, going through surgeries and travelling all over to go to different hospitals, bad news after bad news she suffered a stroke leaving her paralysed and unable to speak. She was like this for 12 days before she finally passed away April 22nd.
My mum was only 52, she was an amazing woman, with faith, who was generous and kind and loving. I could talk to her about anything, from sex to religion to drugs to love. Apart from missing her sooooo much I'm feeling so much guilt. The last 4 months of her life were so traumatic and painful for everyone an her main worry has always been my sister and I, she was always putting us first, which is why she stayed with my dad, because she couldn't make it on her own, ill and unemployed, and she didn't want us to be left homeless.
I just feel like I could have done something, I should have listened to her when she said she wasn't feeling well and done something more, it seems so obvious now that this tumour was growing inside of her for years and she was suffering in silence because she always put everyone first. I know they say guilt is a phase during grief but I don't think this is going to pass. I can't sleep, each night I lay awake and cry and wonder what if I'd done something sooner.
I'm also having problems with my dad, I have a lot of pent up anger towards him which I suppose is to be expected, I'm working on moving out with my sister but it's hard and it's going to take time to get on our feet.
It just feels like life is so unfair, I need my mum :'(
Views: 83
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by tara glasshoff on
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I know how you feel hun I lost my mom to cancer on june 29th 2011 and she only found out in feb 2011 that she had lung cancer we didn't even have time to prepare for her passing much love to you and god bless you
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Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on
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ello,
I'm Sue. I'm 55..lost my darling mother June 5th to that murderer cancer. She was a trooper like your mom. Raised us in the same manner. My dad left her with 4 daughters. His actions dramatically changed and altered mom and we 4 girls. We were damaged ll in our own individual ways. He died a few years ago we heard. Mom never got over his cruelty. He cam home one day and told her he never loved her and us kids..left..never had anything to do with us again. I hated him for years. I waited for a phone call or letter begging for me to forgive him. never came. I forgave him some time ago. I have had therapy over the years. It helped. But in the end we have to make a choice to forgive. It doesn't mean forget. Forgiving him released me from his control over me. He was a real selfish bastard. Your anger is natural. Some people are cruel. I have a sister that is one of those people. It is so hard to let go of the love I have for her. I am working on releasing her from my life fo good. It is better for my survival. Your mother..being the person that she was..was taken from this earth to another place. A better place. She earned her way into eternal life. Thats a dumb way to explain it. I am going to ask you to purchase a book "Walking Through the Garden of Souls". Take one hour at a time. Pray for God to handle everything you cannot. He will. All you have to do is put your life in God's hands. It sounds almost to simple doesn't it. Guilt is something we do to ourselves. Your mom left this word loving you for all of your goodness. I have guilt - you bet I do. It hits me all the time. I miss my mother more than I ever...ever...could miss anyone. She was my whole world. I wish I would have been BETTER..I wish I would have been MORE...the list goes on...All of us on the site know exactly how you feel. Your mom is always with you...just look in the mirror. Create a place for you to go and pray and communicate with God and your mom. Some dads are just not so good at it...same with husbands. You have a great Mom. She is still your Mom...always will be. Live your life the right way until you are given the privilidge to enter eternity with her. Hugs Sue
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