On January 31, 2014 my partner of eight years had an argument because she had been cheating on me and I was DONE. During the night she was restless and kept waking me up wanting to know where my phone was or where the charger was. Then she said "You're gonna learn." She was alive when I left Saturday morning. She had written a note but my anger and hurt from her betrayal blinded me to the contents of the letter. I wrote her a letter back telling her to go be happy. I assumed she would be leaving and moving into her new girlfriend's apartment. I stayed at a friends house to give her time to move out but when I came home Sunday morning she was still here. On the couch flipped over. I thought she was asleep so I started picking up the apartment. I looked at her again and she wasnt moving. I pumped her chest until EMS arrived. She overdosed on pills. What pills exactly, I don't know. I wont know until the toxicology report is ready sometime next month.

Now I'm still in the apartment and I have found out so many more lies she told me. The affair lasted eight months, not three. She asked this other woman to marry her, she had hidden emails and facebook pages that I never knew about and her phone has a screen lock on it so I cant review her messages. On the day of the funeral I lost my job. I've packed up the majority of her things but I am at a crossroad here. I am hurting on so many levels I don't even know which way is up. Do I burn her memory or let the affair go? Did she love me or is it safe to assume that everything she told me was a lie? Everyone is telling me it's time to move on and that I have grieved long enough. It hasn't been a month! I want to go to Dallas and visit an old friend and my mom is telling me that it's a bad idea... I have no one to talk to about this. All my friends are now staying away because they don't want be around someone who has a dark cloud over them all the time. I don't blame them. I am lost and alone with no answers and no help and no support. I wish I could disappear.

Views: 118

Tags: grief, infedelity, loss, overdose, partner, suicide


You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Tracey L on March 2, 2014 at 12:39am

Danielle, I feel for you and the loss you have experienced.  I cannot begin to tell you what her her feelings were for you.  However, I can tell you that you need to grieve at your own pace.  There is no preset amount of time that you should just "move on".  This is a journey that you have to decided when the time is right.  Regardless of what had occurred behind your back, I am going to assume you loved her.  That loss of the trust does not erase the love that you once had.  Do not be hard on yourself, it takes time and when you are ready, you will know it.


Latest Activity

Sandy Elaine Norris left a comment for George H
"Thank you George. It helps just to feel like I'm not by myself. My family loves me. I know they do, but they just don't understand how I'm feeling. On top of losing the love of my life, 3 weeks after he passed I moved in with my…"
1 hour ago
George H left a comment for Sandy Elaine Norris
"hi Sandy I'm George I just lost my wife in February and I can tell you I know everything you're feeling it seems to get harder everyday then easier but there are a lot of good people on this site with a lot of good things to say but if you…"
3 hours ago
Sandy Elaine Norris commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm new on here. My wonderful husband of 13 years passed away on Janurary 8, 2015. I don't know if there are words that express how I feel. Lost, scared, lonely, angry! Those really don't do this pain justice. He had been sick for a…"
3 hours ago
Sandy Elaine Norris joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
3 hours ago
Sandy Elaine Norris updated their profile
3 hours ago
Richard commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Ashlie, do not worry about what Gods plan is for you or anyone else right now.  That plan is in His hands and will be what it will be without your thought of it right now.  As far as being angry, God understands this so find a safe place…"
3 hours ago
Maureen left a comment for Valerie
"It is nice to know I am not alone. I have a handful of friends who are being very supportive. Actually I have found out I have more friends than I realized. Don and I were very close and this is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced."
6 hours ago
Maureen left a comment for Fran
"My husband has had some health issues. He just finished treatment for bladder cancer in November and he was cancer free, but with his high blood pressure and previous heart problems I guess his body couldn't hold up to the stress. He had a…"
7 hours ago
Trina Mamoon replied to Ashlie Bishop's discussion Questioning Everything in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Dear Ashlie, My deepest condolences on the loss of your father. I can relate to your suffering, as I lost my darling husband to Stage 4 lung cancer. He, too, was given 2 years to live when he was diagnosed. He lived for nine months after his…"
8 hours ago
Trina Mamoon replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"Dear Kathleen, I am so sorry for you and the terrible experience you are going through now. I lost my beloved husband to lung cancer this past August. He was only 49 years old. I watched for nine months as he endured unbearable pain from his surgery…"
8 hours ago
adidassmith posted a blog post

Pour une sensation chaussure nike air max femme

tre vraiment en douceur tout en toe-off profil bas et réactif. Comme la surface de l'océan, de nombreux bleus différents ornent la partie supérieure de cette nouvelle Nike Air Max 1 Premium coloris. Il ya quelques informations vraiment cool, et si vous aimez simplement entendre les concepteurs et les athlètes partagent leurs pensées et d'opinions sur les produits qu'ils ont créés . Cette chaussures vans femme pas cher…See More
11 hours ago
George H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Morgan I can totally understand how you feel my wife passed February 24th I had no friends outside the house cuz I was her caregiver 24 7 there's not a day that goes by when I wonder how long before it's my turn like you I don't…"
12 hours ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I will never be with anyone else and I am doing what I can to diminish my health.  Two years, two months later and my breakdowns are coming back in spades.  They had receded to only one a day but now just about anything will trigger them.…"
13 hours ago
Cathy Richardson left a comment for Tracey Randolph
"Hi Tracey - I'm sorry for your loss. You can email me at catrich1964 @gmail.com and share your sorry with me. I'm here and You're not alone."
14 hours ago
Ashlie Bishop replied to Ashlie Bishop's discussion Questioning Everything in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"My struggle with finding a job is everyone wants a Masters degree. Which I won't have for another 2 years! But I plan on going into the mental health or juvenile areas. We have grown close within the last 2 months. We used to hardly talk even…"
14 hours ago
Fran replied to Ashlie Bishop's discussion Questioning Everything in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"My daughter majored in Psych, minored in English...which together doesn't even get her a job flipping hamburgers...She's checking into becoming a grief counselor since she now has the "experience" from one side....I'm a…"
14 hours ago
John T. left a comment for Fran
"Hard to believe, isn't it?  I don't understand it.  It's as if no one has any conception of how profound this loss is to me.  It isn't as if none of them have a clue what is going on.  As if losing Diane…"
14 hours ago
Ashlie Bishop replied to Ashlie Bishop's discussion Questioning Everything in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"School and softball have always been my passions. I'm a double major in counseling and psychology, with a minor in art. I've learned the ways to help people through difficult times such as this, but actually applying it to myself…"
14 hours ago
Fran replied to Ashlie Bishop's discussion Questioning Everything in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"You sound wise beyond your years, Ashlie. I'm so sorry that you have to really grow up so fast now. Athlete and straight A's???? You must be one smart girl. What are you majoring in? Good luck with your graduation and job search, I hope…"
15 hours ago
Ashlie Bishop joined Melanie Richmond's group

Young Adult Parent Loss

For young adults 18+ who have lost a parent during this difficult, unique, phase of life.
15 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Diana Y.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service