On January 31, 2014 my partner of eight years had an argument because she had been cheating on me and I was DONE. During the night she was restless and kept waking me up wanting to know where my phone was or where the charger was. Then she said "You're gonna learn." She was alive when I left Saturday morning. She had written a note but my anger and hurt from her betrayal blinded me to the contents of the letter. I wrote her a letter back telling her to go be happy. I assumed she would be leaving and moving into her new girlfriend's apartment. I stayed at a friends house to give her time to move out but when I came home Sunday morning she was still here. On the couch flipped over. I thought she was asleep so I started picking up the apartment. I looked at her again and she wasnt moving. I pumped her chest until EMS arrived. She overdosed on pills. What pills exactly, I don't know. I wont know until the toxicology report is ready sometime next month.

Now I'm still in the apartment and I have found out so many more lies she told me. The affair lasted eight months, not three. She asked this other woman to marry her, she had hidden emails and facebook pages that I never knew about and her phone has a screen lock on it so I cant review her messages. On the day of the funeral I lost my job. I've packed up the majority of her things but I am at a crossroad here. I am hurting on so many levels I don't even know which way is up. Do I burn her memory or let the affair go? Did she love me or is it safe to assume that everything she told me was a lie? Everyone is telling me it's time to move on and that I have grieved long enough. It hasn't been a month! I want to go to Dallas and visit an old friend and my mom is telling me that it's a bad idea... I have no one to talk to about this. All my friends are now staying away because they don't want be around someone who has a dark cloud over them all the time. I don't blame them. I am lost and alone with no answers and no help and no support. I wish I could disappear.

Views: 120

Tags: grief, infedelity, loss, overdose, partner, suicide

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Tracey L on March 2, 2014 at 12:39am

Danielle, I feel for you and the loss you have experienced.  I cannot begin to tell you what her her feelings were for you.  However, I can tell you that you need to grieve at your own pace.  There is no preset amount of time that you should just "move on".  This is a journey that you have to decided when the time is right.  Regardless of what had occurred behind your back, I am going to assume you loved her.  That loss of the trust does not erase the love that you once had.  Do not be hard on yourself, it takes time and when you are ready, you will know it.

Groups

Latest Activity

Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Debbie, I think I sent you a friend request.  ?.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer a little over 7 months ago, we were married 22 years.  I wrote an article to my local paper about cancer from the left behind spouses point of view,…"
13 minutes ago
Felicia Evans replied to Ross johnson's discussion Been over a year, it's still hard. in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I m still in shock. My mom was sick and her doctor tells us she didn't have long to live. She died the day after her 84th birthday. I never thought my nephew my mom's first grandson would die suddenly 4 months later. What punch in the gut!…"
1 hour ago
Gabrielle commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I am also fed up of hearing that my sister is in a better place. I'm pretty sure she'd rather be continuing her dream of seeing the world rather than sitting as a pile of ash in an urn. She was only 22 years old."
1 hour ago
dawn larvan replied to Jennifer's discussion It seems to get harder, not easier in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Hi Jennifer Why do people say such things even my own mother told me off for wearing red saying it was disrespectful and that was after 6 months !!!! I thought she of all people would understand as my father died aged 50 22nd may 1981 of a heart…"
4 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, It's a great way to honor your husband's memory by visiting a museum and a painting exhibit since he so loved painting. Joseph, too, loved painting, especially the European masters. I think it would be a soothing way to spend time…"
7 hours ago
Alice Catron posted a status
"Hope you all had a better day today..pouring down rain right now. rather appropriate..."
8 hours ago
Alice Catron posted a status
"Went to my sister-in-laws for dinner. Had a good time. Only one time near tears. Maybe things are looking up...still miss my Terry."
8 hours ago
Michele commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I feel the same way it makes me so mad for someone to tell me my sister is in a better place and what a great life she had, I'm sorry she just turned 50 she should have many more happy years ahead of her and the same with my brother in law. Its…"
8 hours ago
Linda Martin Warner commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Tulips and two lips - both apropos.  Tulips are the symbol of Parkinson's Disease.  I have some planted in the front flower beds and my children brought a tulip magnolia tree to the house to plant in Paul's honor the night before…"
8 hours ago
charity wolf commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Charlene:)    My Mama died in January:( What I have learned is that grief needs a voice. You have to feel the grief and let it move through you. I am sad everyday too and hurt like I never could have imagined. When you love someone so…"
8 hours ago
Linda Martin Warner commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I kicked myself in the butt this afternoon and went to Lowes and bought some plants and flowers.  It is a struggle not to let the inertia of grief take over.  I have always liked digging in the dirt and gardening soothes me.  I…"
8 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Story of tulips I meant. Stupiid phone. Jeez"
8 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm sorry Linda- God bless our veterans. I brought my 85 ur old mom to my dads grave site today. He too was a veteran – a World War II. We brought tulips. My mom told me a story about my father and two lips and it made her cry today. In…"
8 hours ago
James Quinn commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Thank you Shirley I spend most of my time with my love as did the family I was with her when she past away  I held her hand and whispered to her I will find you no matter how long or how far my love I will find you my love ,I hold on to that,…"
8 hours ago
Shirley commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"James,   Just read your post and wanted to say I have similar  memories and I have to walk out of the house at times.  Just to try and regroup. Had my husband, at home, with Hospice of the Valley .We had to set the hospice…"
8 hours ago
Charlene Taylor commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi all, it's been almost 5 months since my Mom died. I Thought I was doing pretty good. I've been to see my incarcerated son, my dad got remarried and I went to Colorado to help a dear old friend come back south for health reasons. I…"
9 hours ago
James Quinn commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
" memory's have been resurfacing  lately of my wife who was dying the day I had to tell her the news was not good looking into her eyes holding her hand I said love its bad very bad its at that point  in time will stay with me for…"
9 hours ago
Felicia Evans commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I feel like that too. Every time I think about the future without my more like a brother nephew it makes me feel some kind of way. I still can't believe he's gone, especially on a day like today. He always invited me and my husband to…"
10 hours ago
Gabrielle commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I agree, it is better to let it out and have a little (or big!) cry whenever we want to. I'm a firm believer in feeling grief and not trying to bottle things up or keep myself so busy that I'm not dealing with anything. It's good to…"
10 hours ago
Account Removed updated their profile
11 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Diana Y.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service