On January 31, 2014 my partner of eight years had an argument because she had been cheating on me and I was DONE. During the night she was restless and kept waking me up wanting to know where my phone was or where the charger was. Then she said "You're gonna learn." She was alive when I left Saturday morning. She had written a note but my anger and hurt from her betrayal blinded me to the contents of the letter. I wrote her a letter back telling her to go be happy. I assumed she would be leaving and moving into her new girlfriend's apartment. I stayed at a friends house to give her time to move out but when I came home Sunday morning she was still here. On the couch flipped over. I thought she was asleep so I started picking up the apartment. I looked at her again and she wasnt moving. I pumped her chest until EMS arrived. She overdosed on pills. What pills exactly, I don't know. I wont know until the toxicology report is ready sometime next month.

Now I'm still in the apartment and I have found out so many more lies she told me. The affair lasted eight months, not three. She asked this other woman to marry her, she had hidden emails and facebook pages that I never knew about and her phone has a screen lock on it so I cant review her messages. On the day of the funeral I lost my job. I've packed up the majority of her things but I am at a crossroad here. I am hurting on so many levels I don't even know which way is up. Do I burn her memory or let the affair go? Did she love me or is it safe to assume that everything she told me was a lie? Everyone is telling me it's time to move on and that I have grieved long enough. It hasn't been a month! I want to go to Dallas and visit an old friend and my mom is telling me that it's a bad idea... I have no one to talk to about this. All my friends are now staying away because they don't want be around someone who has a dark cloud over them all the time. I don't blame them. I am lost and alone with no answers and no help and no support. I wish I could disappear.

Views: 108

Tags: grief, infedelity, loss, overdose, partner, suicide


You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Tracey L on March 2, 2014 at 12:39am

Danielle, I feel for you and the loss you have experienced.  I cannot begin to tell you what her her feelings were for you.  However, I can tell you that you need to grieve at your own pace.  There is no preset amount of time that you should just "move on".  This is a journey that you have to decided when the time is right.  Regardless of what had occurred behind your back, I am going to assume you loved her.  That loss of the trust does not erase the love that you once had.  Do not be hard on yourself, it takes time and when you are ready, you will know it.


Latest Activity

Lynn Williams commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Michelle thinking of you today,"
35 minutes ago
erin replied to erin's discussion Guana scammer
"oh how horrid, some people, eh most of em."
57 minutes ago
kim posted a blog post

i love you shawn

 my wonderful son,  I cry so hard everyday and night, missing you with all my broken heart. I can barely see my eyes are so swollen, its so hard to see another holiday coming, and to feel so alone and empty with out you here. I hope each day you can hear me, but I hope you can not feel my pain. I wish my tears could build a stairway to you, I would have been there by now. you will always be the love of my life, without you im not whole, my wish this x mas would be to hear you say  MOM, to hold…See More
1 hour ago
bluebird replied to erin's discussion Guana scammer
"Don't respond to the e-mail or message.  Report the message to the site Admin.; there's a little "Report an Issue" link towards the lower right of each page (although I don't know if they actually read or respond to…"
1 hour ago
Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Michelle, you are in my heart and prayers. "
5 hours ago
Jane P commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thinking of Michelle. Thinking of everyone."
8 hours ago
MarieSte replied to Craig Collinson's discussion Lost
"Thank You m morgan I've written lots of poems on my grief journey they are all on my page (under photos). Writing helps me express my grief."
9 hours ago
JEN DECLUE shared their group on Facebook
11 hours ago
JEN DECLUE joined Ada Bowie's group

Losing a sibling

For anyone who's lost a sibling. It's worse than people seem to think it is.
11 hours ago
JEN DECLUE updated their profile
11 hours ago
JEN DECLUE replied to Debby Sularie's discussion Will I ever feel anything like I used to before my brother died?? in the group The loss of a brother
"I totally agree with you. It's not something you can put into words.. "
12 hours ago
m morgan replied to Craig Collinson's discussion Lost
16 hours ago
MarieSte replied to Craig Collinson's discussion Lost
20 hours ago
Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Dolly that is excellent news!"
21 hours ago
erin posted a discussion

Guana scammer

I was contacted from a member, trying to pull the "inheritance scam" what do I do? See More
21 hours ago
JO B alexio and Lost & Alone are now friends
22 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"my dad wz not relgifes zell but he did us 2 say im not gong in tm gates till we all up thr he did"
22 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"i agrea casey it is a cruel joke so cruel famly it did not smoke got bic it kiled thm evn 1s it did smoke still died of big c i hate hear evry suferng coz pf big c illnes or stuff ints not hthr fault if i ever get bic or get told iv got it i wud hp…"
23 hours ago
Casey replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"It seems that if a person is grieving and no solution  can be offered except religious comfort. If a grieving person is not religous or dont have children , they are SOL. I think its possible to believe in a creator, but an afterlife is much…"
23 hours ago
bluebird replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"No need to apologize -- it was a reasonable question, I'm just not up to researching and finding the sources to answer it properly.  There are legitimate sources & answers, but I don't have them handy or…"

© 2014   Created by Diana Y.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service