i need to vent. For those of us who have lost children, husbands etc. this is to the living.  I am still grieving my losses. You didn't go through this ordeal. I know its almost three since the first one and a little over a year since the second one. I did not need the man in my life to have been diagnosed with cancer. that came a week after the funeral  than pretend nothing happened we are supposed to go back to our jobs and suck it up.  the man in my life left last week I think that I am looked at as a cold person. I have had my sister badgering.(we are both in our 50s) about what I am going to do. and i should have been nicer to him and what about a job. I finally had to get away from her. I am having anger issues. I am crying oceans of tears and drowning my pain One died crossing a road. hit and died of a torn aorta. the other was killed doing community service. sitting in  the buket of a tractor.kid high on meth a marijuana slammed in to that tractor. I see them in my dreams along with the way they died. I must be a cold heartless person for the events in my life.I want to be left alone. I don't want any one to expect any thing out of me.  I am just not capable yet. When my bf left he promised to destroy my world. they can't its been blown apart three years ago when i started this.

Views: 74

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Angel on August 19, 2012 at 7:45am

Hi Susan...Iam so sorry for your losses...I am approaching the 15 th anniversary of my 21 years old daughters death and lost my husband to lung and bone cancer 18 months ago on my deceased daughter's birthday....I have contact with my other 2 daughters and thier families, one friend, and I have met a man who has had as much heartache as myself just in a different way so he understands...other wise I go through my days the best I can and only goto these people for support...I have been hurt enough over the years with know it alls telling what I should or shouldn't do...there are no right and wrongs with grief..it is individual to our own needs...and don't let anyone tell you different. Anna is write you are broken hearted and boy does that hurt...I went to grief groups , read, talked to hospice workers  and sat on my bed and screamed for God to take the pain away....even new widows that I met turned into people who need and want it all their way...day by day....minute by minute and sometimes second by second...I wish you peace of heart and mind....Angel

Comment by anna l. on August 17, 2012 at 8:16pm

Im so sorry for all you are going through.  I too am suffering from the loss of my middle son and then a year later my husband of 30 years.  People who think they know what is best for us and tell us to get on with it are sooo lucky they do not know what we are feeling but that does not give them the right to tell us what we are doing is wrong.  There is no wrong way to grieve unless that is giving up completely and ending it.  Everything up to that is just what we need to do to stay alive.  You are not a cold hearted person, you are a broken hearted person!  I wish I could just wrap you up in an understanding hug!!!!  I hope your ex bf just leaves you alone and doesnt do anything to make a bad situation worse.  I also hope things work out with you in regards to a job etc.  It is soo hard.  Just so hard....

Latest Activity

Jennifer replied to Robin H's discussion Lost my Partner who wasn't my partner in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Welcome to the group.  I lost my partner on February 5th this year, so it's still pretty raw for me too.  Reading through your story really touched a chord with me.  Like you, I didn't think I would ever find a group like…"
yesterday
Jennifer joined Cathy Richardson's group
Thumbnail

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
yesterday
Jennifer and William Gardener are now friends
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"i miss mom so mush i do"
Apr 11
Susan E Marshall commented on Susan E Marshall's photo
Thumbnail

My husband

"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
Apr 6
Natasha updated their profile
Apr 5
Angie Rowland joined Rita-Cecile's group
Thumbnail

LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITED loss and grief

Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
Apr 3
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service