Maria
  • Female
  • Browns Mills, NJ
  • United States
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Joe Kelly left a comment for Maria
"Maria, The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th…"
Sep 3, 2019
morgan left a comment for Maria
"Maria,   My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years. And some of the…"
Sep 3, 2019
Maria is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 1, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm married to an amazing man. He has supported me and my parents through so much. I'm an only child and have just lost my mom. My mom was Korean and my dad was Italian. I grew up with a lot of the Asian influences and customs of the culture.
About my Loss:
My dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. He was only 60 years old. He paased away last June at the age of 65. Towards the end he was unable to walk, talk, feed himself and he was in diapers. My husband and I would give him bed baths ebery other day. We didn't live with my parents but we would go over every few houra to change his diapers and see if my mom needed anything. The week before he passed we found out my mom had lung cancer. This was on top of her 20+yr old kidney transplant, her double heart bypass from 2yrs prior (which ended up with her getting sepsis, a peg tube, and a tracheostomy that I learned to care for after she came home from a 2 month stay in hospital and rehab), she had thyrpid issues, diabetes and high bloodpressure. My mom had made it through so much. I thought she was invincible. She had pushed through so much and fought for her life. On Saturday morning she was complaining about her pain in the side of her stomach. I took her to the ER. They did a catscan that day and admitted her. Then on Monday they did a biopsy. On Thursday the dr came in and said she was at stage 4 inoperable cancer. She had a grapefruit sized growth in her large intestine. I thought we were going to talk it out together and she was coming home with me on Friday. Thursday night I got a call from the hospital that she was found on the floor of the bathroom and was unresponsive. They were able to revive her and transferred her to ICU. That night her heart just couldn't keep going. I lost my mom 14 months after losing my dad. I'm absolutely shattered. I don't know what to do.

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 7:01pm on September 3, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Maria,

The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this December 3rd.  In 1982, I had what I called an OBE (out of body experience) which was published on the NDERF (near death experience research foundation).  They classified it as an NDE.  I was hit and thrown by a truck, felt nothing and found my self like an invisible cloud floating above my body.  It was blissful like I could stay there forever.  I saw things that I shouldn't had been able to see because of the position of my body.  A thought of my pregnant wife suddenly flashed through my consciousness and thought to myself, no, I can't go yet.  I dove back into my body seeing myself getting closer to it as I dove inside, yet it was so fast.  That experience never left me as I can remember it like it just happened.  Why am I telling you this?  Because my spirit separated from my body.  True, I didn't go all the way but it is enough to believe that there is conscious life after death.  My wife and I had true love for each other as though we were one.  We often talked about the fact that we will be together forever when we pass on throughout the years.  When I held her in my arms the final hours, we spoke about the love we have for each other.  It was nice that our grown children got there before she passed so she could see them.  She smiled up at them and said she was sorry, feeling sad they were crying.  She even told me not to cry and I said I can't help it, I love you with all my heart and soul.  I gave her a final kiss.  I asked if she believes that we will be together forever someday and she said yes.  That was her final thought.  Then she took her final breath.  My first thought was that I have to go where she just went and I pray each night is my last.  I have a few health issues that I hope will take me out soon.  That's my only "till then", and will be my last thought when I go.  My children knew our love and they actually pray for me to go to her.  I tell them that when I go, don't mourn, Celebrate!  Celebrate knowing that we are reunited where we belong, together.  Yes, there are times when I wonder, but my OBE reinforces me.

The worst part is missing her physical presence, sharing our love for one another here.  It's torturous at times and I'm sure it's the same for you.  Missing their presence in your life.

My only suggestion is for you to think about how happy they are together right now.  There are cases where seconds before the death of a person with Alzheimer's, regained all memory and recognition of those around them.  These were reported by hospice caretakers.  Their love will live on together as will their spirits as ONE.

God Bless, Joe 

At 1:06pm on September 3, 2019, morgan said…

Maria,  

My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years.

And some of the circumstances of your moms pre-death miic some of my own with my husband.  The part that hit me was the they found stage 4 from a pain in her stomach.  Same with my husband.  And to liken it a step further I found him on the floor of our bathroom.  I was getting ready to take him to his first oncologists appt.  He was extremely ill after the operation to remove his several tumors but to find him as I did I am still reeling from the feeling.  

Some posts on here get me good.  Yours is one.  I am still struggling daily to find reason to want to live.  Stay close to your own husband,  he can help you  get through this.  Life is the wave we all ride until our end.  Too much to say and so little explanation.........

morgan 

 
 
 

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morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Jeff,  Amazing isn't it?  I keep asking myself how it is I could still hurt so much from having my husband no longer with me on this earthly plane.  Not because I don't know it isn't possible but more, what is it that…"
12 minutes ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, I believe that every consciousness/spirit/soul is immortal.  I, or no one in our limited dimensional world can prove that right or wrong.  I can't prove my OBE either.  All I can do is share it.  Your original post…"
2 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you. I hope with everything in my soul that you are right about that, and I wish I shared your faith in that regard. If you and I have already discussed this, I apologise for repeating myself (my memory is not what it once was, and my…"
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bluebird left a comment for Martee
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your posts. Even though you don't have absolute proof of an afterlife, your out-of-body experience seems to have provided you with some level of surety, which I think is wonderful, and I must admit I'm jealous of you for…"
19 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
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21 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, Time to go to cemetery but will reply later today."
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, I wish I had your faith/assurance that there is an afterlife in which we will be reunited with our loves. I so hope that you are right about that. I think it would make this a tiny bit easier for me if I knew beyond any doubt that my husband…"
yesterday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I read and log on and many times I just freeze up.  It's over two years and I should be with her already and though I don't think it will be too much longer, every minute of every waking and sometimes sleeping moment is a…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
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bluebird and Martee are now friends
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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