Maria
  • Female
  • Browns Mills, NJ
  • United States
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Joe Kelly left a comment for Maria
"Maria, The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th…"
Sep 3
morgan left a comment for Maria
"Maria,   My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years. And some of the…"
Sep 3
Maria is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 1

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm married to an amazing man. He has supported me and my parents through so much. I'm an only child and have just lost my mom. My mom was Korean and my dad was Italian. I grew up with a lot of the Asian influences and customs of the culture.
About my Loss:
My dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. He was only 60 years old. He paased away last June at the age of 65. Towards the end he was unable to walk, talk, feed himself and he was in diapers. My husband and I would give him bed baths ebery other day. We didn't live with my parents but we would go over every few houra to change his diapers and see if my mom needed anything. The week before he passed we found out my mom had lung cancer. This was on top of her 20+yr old kidney transplant, her double heart bypass from 2yrs prior (which ended up with her getting sepsis, a peg tube, and a tracheostomy that I learned to care for after she came home from a 2 month stay in hospital and rehab), she had thyrpid issues, diabetes and high bloodpressure. My mom had made it through so much. I thought she was invincible. She had pushed through so much and fought for her life. On Saturday morning she was complaining about her pain in the side of her stomach. I took her to the ER. They did a catscan that day and admitted her. Then on Monday they did a biopsy. On Thursday the dr came in and said she was at stage 4 inoperable cancer. She had a grapefruit sized growth in her large intestine. I thought we were going to talk it out together and she was coming home with me on Friday. Thursday night I got a call from the hospital that she was found on the floor of the bathroom and was unresponsive. They were able to revive her and transferred her to ICU. That night her heart just couldn't keep going. I lost my mom 14 months after losing my dad. I'm absolutely shattered. I don't know what to do.

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At 7:01pm on September 3, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Maria,

The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this December 3rd.  In 1982, I had what I called an OBE (out of body experience) which was published on the NDERF (near death experience research foundation).  They classified it as an NDE.  I was hit and thrown by a truck, felt nothing and found my self like an invisible cloud floating above my body.  It was blissful like I could stay there forever.  I saw things that I shouldn't had been able to see because of the position of my body.  A thought of my pregnant wife suddenly flashed through my consciousness and thought to myself, no, I can't go yet.  I dove back into my body seeing myself getting closer to it as I dove inside, yet it was so fast.  That experience never left me as I can remember it like it just happened.  Why am I telling you this?  Because my spirit separated from my body.  True, I didn't go all the way but it is enough to believe that there is conscious life after death.  My wife and I had true love for each other as though we were one.  We often talked about the fact that we will be together forever when we pass on throughout the years.  When I held her in my arms the final hours, we spoke about the love we have for each other.  It was nice that our grown children got there before she passed so she could see them.  She smiled up at them and said she was sorry, feeling sad they were crying.  She even told me not to cry and I said I can't help it, I love you with all my heart and soul.  I gave her a final kiss.  I asked if she believes that we will be together forever someday and she said yes.  That was her final thought.  Then she took her final breath.  My first thought was that I have to go where she just went and I pray each night is my last.  I have a few health issues that I hope will take me out soon.  That's my only "till then", and will be my last thought when I go.  My children knew our love and they actually pray for me to go to her.  I tell them that when I go, don't mourn, Celebrate!  Celebrate knowing that we are reunited where we belong, together.  Yes, there are times when I wonder, but my OBE reinforces me.

The worst part is missing her physical presence, sharing our love for one another here.  It's torturous at times and I'm sure it's the same for you.  Missing their presence in your life.

My only suggestion is for you to think about how happy they are together right now.  There are cases where seconds before the death of a person with Alzheimer's, regained all memory and recognition of those around them.  These were reported by hospice caretakers.  Their love will live on together as will their spirits as ONE.

God Bless, Joe 

At 1:06pm on September 3, 2019, morgan said…

Maria,  

My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years.

And some of the circumstances of your moms pre-death miic some of my own with my husband.  The part that hit me was the they found stage 4 from a pain in her stomach.  Same with my husband.  And to liken it a step further I found him on the floor of our bathroom.  I was getting ready to take him to his first oncologists appt.  He was extremely ill after the operation to remove his several tumors but to find him as I did I am still reeling from the feeling.  

Some posts on here get me good.  Yours is one.  I am still struggling daily to find reason to want to live.  Stay close to your own husband,  he can help you  get through this.  Life is the wave we all ride until our end.  Too much to say and so little explanation.........

morgan 

 
 
 

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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, Your message is so moving! Every word you say rings so true! I could have written the message. You express my innermost thoughts and wishes. It's been a little over five years for me since Joseph has been gone, but I feel his lack as…"
1 hour ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, Your message is so moving! Every word you say rings so true! I could have written the message. You express my innermost thoughts and wishes. It's been a little over five years for me since Joseph has been gone, but I feel his lack as…"
1 hour ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I still can't see pics here so don't know if it posted."
3 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot. We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves. You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us. Keep sharing here. …"
3 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot.  We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves.  You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us.  I tied…"
3 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm still a mess too Morgan and it just keeps getting worse.  Nothing but going to her will ever help me not be in agony every second of every day.  That being said, it has to happen naturally which really sucks because we don't…"
10 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Once again your have posted my exact feelings on losing my beloved Julian. 7 years also. Life does not go on for me, I am just existing until death takes me and the sooner the better."
10 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm still a mess.  Almost seven years later and I still cannot absorb loss in any form.  Doesn'tmatter if its mine or someone else's.  And nothing helps.  I have a best friend who tries valiantly to comfort me.…"
11 hours ago
Profile IconLinda l Cunningham and jacq kramer joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
18 hours ago
Carol Klotz is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sunday
Maria replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Hello Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. My son took his own life on August 25th. He was 20 yers old and the pain is almost unbearable. He was a wonderful human being and I miss him every day."
Saturday
Profile IconLani M., Gina, Maria and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Eileen replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Thank you !! Feels good knowing I have someone I can chat with and understands. Have a peaceful night."
Nov 8
Melissa replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"I’m sorry for your pain also!! I’m always here if you ever need to talk!! Your friend melissa"
Nov 8
Eileen replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Hello Melissa, never lost a child to suicide. However lost my mother, father and husband. So my heart goes out to you. Stay strong because it's not easy. Your friend Eileen."
Nov 8
Eileen posted a status
"Thanks for accepting me into the group. I am finding it very difficult to move forward so I decided to reach out for online support."
Nov 8
Eileen is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi to everyone,   I am sort of a broken record when it comes to how I have managed to cope with my husbands death.  I can honestly say that for the first four years looking back I was pretty much in a stupor.  The shock after sharing…"
Nov 7
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Fran, So sorry for your loss. It's been 7 years since I lost my Beloved Husband. I have and never will be the person I was. I have accepted that and just go through the motions. There are no good days for me. Since the day he died, I died…"
Nov 6
Fran commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"5 years ago tonite I lost my Love. Since then I check in here periodically to see how others deal with the passage of time. Apparently, pretty similarly. We do what we must. We have "good" days and worse days. Our memories blindside us yet…"
Nov 6

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