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After 21 years I just lost my best friend and soulmate
I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cindy on
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Thanks Renee and Carol. I think you are right Carol, even when Les was here, we did not spend that much time with his siblings and extended family, but lots of time with his sons and grandkids. The boys and I agree that we are chosen family--I have my other family, but these are people I choose, and the three sons are great to me and my son Chris.
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Permalink Reply by renee krutsinger on
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i think your right to carol!!! after u stop to think about it, that makes a lot of since. i like how u put it. that's the way dennis would want it. i'm sure of it. u are so smart. u all have a wonderful day tomorrow. and please try to find something happy to think about. and i will do the same.
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Cindy, Renee, we need to surround ourselves only with people who actually care about us. We don't need users and moochers in our lives especially when we're so vulnerable. Yes, think happy thoughts. You two have a wonderful evening. I am always available for anyone who needs someone to talk to.
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It's been a tough day, and it's not even noon yet! The wind makes this empty house creak and I just wish for the days and nights when he made me feel safe no matter what.
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I know exactly how you feel Cindy. It's going to be 15 months that Rob is gone and I'm still missing him in so many ways. Mostly at night I miss him the most. We had a terrible wind and rain storm yesterday. He loved that kind of weather. But I also find myself afraid of things I was neer afraid of before. We just have to try and be strong and thnk positive thoughts that we can do this ourselves. Even though I say we have to be positive and be strong I still have many terrible crying jags. Last night I cried like a baby for hours. I miss just being with Rob. I miss holding his hand, his arms around me and my face touching his. But I guess I will just have the savor those moments we had together. Keep your chin up and try and just think of how he would want you to be strong. Try and have a good day. My thoughts will be with you today.
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I miss him so much, and I am afraid of the future. I am trying real hard to be strong, but today I am alone and I think I'll just fall apart for a while.
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cindy 1st let me reply by saying i truely understand. i cried or rather sobbed during church sunday. i don't know why, unless it was one them 1st i have to expirence. all i know is i miss dennis so much and i don't feel safe here all the time anymore. i wish there was something i could do for both of u to make u both feel better. but i can't. cause i feel the same way. God willing, tomorrow will be a better day!!!
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Not a good night tonight. I don't know how to go on without him. I keep going, but I feel like a zombie. Seven weeks now, and I don't know how to cope.
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I'm so sorry Cindy. You have to try and be strong, trust. Your sweetie would not want to see you this way. Just try and get through one day at a time, and then the next day and then the next. I'm here if you feel like talking, just call me, please, any time, 614-718-2239. If I can be of any help, please let me know. It is very hard in the beginning. Yesterday was 15 months for me. Sometimes feels like it was just yesterday, but you will get through it. You have to just go with the way you feel however you feel. If you feel like crying like crazy, just do it.
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i'm here for u cindy. it has been 4 1/2 months since i lost my husband. i sometimes think i can't live without him, find it has been a whole day and i'm still living. carol is right, your sweetie wouldn't want u to feel this way. cry if u have to, yell, whatever it takes. then go on to the next day.
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Just checking in to see how Cindy & Renee are doing today. I had a terrible morning. I cried my eyes out. To wake up every morning and not see my Rob lying next to me is still so unbearable after 15 months. Plus with my cousin here, I find myself holding back so many tears. Today we went to a silly movie and dinner at a chinese buffet. I find when i go out with my friends, no matter what I do, I have a nice time, but I don't truly enjoy myself like I did when I was with Rob. Tonight when I go to bed I will probably cry my eyes out again as usual. But this is all normal. Don't ever hold back your grief. I hope you both an ok day.
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carol, i wanted to say something yesterday, but then thought i was just being a big boob!! i found myself, yesterday, thinking about dennis alot, talking to him, wishing he were here. don't know why exactly. i guess just missing him. i don't understand why he's not here with me. i mean i do, but i don't like it. he was my life, and my world, and i don't know what to do without him. sometimes i do okay, and other days i feel like my life will never be the same. i too find my self stiffling my tears, as our son still lives here, as well as my brother. my brother looks at me, like i don't know what, and i hate to cry infront of dustin. cause he lost his father too. so i just don't cry much. i'm sorry u still feel so bad, and you cried all day yesterday. i have been thinking about you the last couple of days. i too wander how cindy is doing. i hope u have a wonderful day today and your feeling much better. i truely enjoy talking to you!!
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