Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Anne on December 25, 2012 at 6:21am

I can tell you that I am not dealing with the holidays well.  My father isn't acknowledging them, no gifts, no family dinner, no nothing.  My brother has his family and in-laws so they are doing holidays for the sake of the kids.  Me, well, my partner and I exchanged gifts yesterday, but there are no decorations, no music. 

I want the holidays to just be over, wish I could sleep through them.  My mom used to call me in the morning, even though we would be getting together later in the morning. I miss her..her voice, her laugh, just everything that made her who she was.  I only wish I could have a tenth of the strength that she had when she was fighting her breast cancer 3 times.....

I guess the only thing we can do to get through the day is put one foot in front of the other, watch something totally un-Christmas and just do whatever you want/need to do.  I know I am calling my Dad to see how he is doing, calling my brother to do the same, and then I am doing what lately I do best, cry, think about Mom and zone out either on here or in front of the TV....my partner has and continues to be great during this whole thing....

I hope you can find a way to make Christmas what you need it to be for you.

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on December 25, 2012 at 4:23pm

My dad sounds a lot like yours. My mom used to make a huge deal out of Christmas. She sent gifts, cards, and always called. My dad didn't even send a card. I also keep wanting the holidays to end. Hopefully it will get a little easier. I hope you had a good day with lovely memories of your mom. 

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 25, 2012 at 2:51pm

me to wish they had a fone i hevan even skype wen i lern how to work it xmas today did not feal the same even wen i had to out and find a shop it woz open seaning people asking how i feal trying not to cry even the cat is missing my dad im dreding tomroro my dads bday

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Permalink Reply by Sarah A on December 25, 2012 at 4:39pm

Last year my Dad we still here, and my brothers, sister-in-law, two nieces, mother and husband and kids were here celebrating.  I am sitting in my house alone right now.  My mother moved out of state - she said when Dad died that he loved me more and hasn't been around for me or the kids.  I've pushed most everyone else away - but I think I needed to - and I've been battling with my husband to the point that I've asked him to leave.  Was going to get in the car and drive 9 hours to a family friend just to try to feel better but there's a severe weather warning.  So...for my kids' sake - I'm going to keep trying to breathe in and out and feel better.  I lost my Dad July 5 and I feel worse than I have since he died.  I feel horribly empty and have to figure out how to get it together for those sweet kids.  Dad lived with us for 6 years - we wanted a 3-generational household - they miss him too but I think would be ok if I could get it together.  No Merry Christmas from my mother, brother, sisters - but I did push them away.  Just keep breathing I guess.

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Hill Loflin on December 26, 2012 at 4:20pm

I am having a very difficult time trying to get through the holidays.  It's been painful for several weeks leading up to xmas day.  I miss my beautiful son Marty so much I feel like I can not survive. Marty loved xmas and all holidays, but xmas was his favorite and he always made sure everyone had a wonderful time. He should be here celebrating and enjoying his life.  He was only 34 when a cardiovascular surgeon performed the fatal operation.  I always wonder if he (dr) is thinking about Marty not getting to enjoy his life or his beautiful children - or what he has done to me - his mother who loves him more than is imaginable. Following the fatal surgery his arrogance and uncaring attitude was so unbearable.  I can still remember him telling me how I looked like hell. He never said I'm sorry or tried to get in touch with me or anyone in Marty's family.  He just picked up from the hospital he was practicing and went to another state.  It's awful!!!  Marty walked into that hospital perfectly fine but was trying to be proactive on the advice of this dr that convinced him he needed surgery. He was an unskilled dr in an inadequate facility. I hope no one ever faces the pain and agony I deal with every minute of everyday and I hope no one has to encounter this dr or any dr with no compassion.

I don't put up a xmas tree or have any parties at my house. I just go through the motions til it is over and relive over and over the xmases and everyday I had with Marty.  Marty has a wonderful brother, Matt who is suffering so much - they enjoyed doing so many things together.  Everyone that knew them always said they were attached.  Matt tries to help me so much - I wish I could take his pain away. Marty and Matt are my life and will be always. Wish Marty was here to enjoy it with us at xmas and everyday!

Becky Loflin

Marty's Mama

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 26, 2012 at 4:32pm

yes i understand how u feal iv lost trust in drs hospiltse 2 its worse wen its yore child or sombody young it dies i lost my dad in march the 3rd u get serton 1s get over it u cant coz they r ot going thru the pain in our hearts of lozzing our loved 1s our xmas tree got put back up stairs coz the cat nocking it over my cuzen steve o who died of pancrated big c evry tim he went for cemo thy canled it he want more time wit his family his bean gone over 10 yrs he woz 47 wen he paset he woz like a nother brother to me but did not act in his 40s he woz like my dad cud lite a room up and make evry 1 smile i som e times thnk drs dont care sory for yore loss

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on December 28, 2012 at 1:08am

I am sorry for your loss Rebecca. Sounds like a terribly painful thing you are going through. I hope find some peace soon. 

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Permalink Reply by Denise Frappollo on December 27, 2012 at 11:02am

I know the feeling, I did not even want to put up decorations for the holiday.  But.. Christmas was Dad's favorite holiday.  He loved everything about it, so even thought it was tough I did decorate.  I miss my Dad so much, he was always the first to answer the phone at my parent's home on the holidays.  He always played the role of Santa and passed out the gifts.  I won't lie it was hard, very hard, I cried Christmas morning and eve.  I was so angry at myself for not making arrangements for my mother to not be alone as she was.  We still had the family dinner, we lit a candle in his honor, it was emotional but as a family we did ok. THe hardest part for me was looking at the Christmas village that Dad loved so much, he took such pride setting it up.  Last year he was with us, it was hard to not have him this year.

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on December 28, 2012 at 1:10am

I put up a tree and Christmas lights but really did not celebrate Christmas this year. I was not feeling it and did not want to push myself to celebrate if I did not want to. I, like you, cried on Christmas. It was nice that you got to celebrate with your family. A part of me wishes I went back home to see my family. It is always so hard to go back home without my mom being there.  I hope next year will be easier for all of us. 

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on December 28, 2012 at 1:11am

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. It always helps knowing there are other people out there who are feeling what I am feeling, even though I wish you weren't. 

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Permalink Reply by Joe Andersen on January 1, 2013 at 2:44am

The holidays are pretty tough.  For the last 15 or so years, we had Christmas Eve dinner at my sisters place.  This year at Thanksgiving dinner she announced she was not having anything at her place this year.  Her and my mother are the only ones with houses big enough for all of us to be comfortable and mom didn't feel up to having it at her place so we all just did our own thing.  I had my 2 wonderful daughters, my son-in-law, my future son-in-law, my grandson and my girlfriends son over on Christmas Eve.  Nothing fancy, just lots of h'orderves and some good times with my little family.  Christmas day was the worst though.  My girlfriend and I were invited to her parents house but I just couldn't get in the mood to go so she went alone.  I spent Christmas day alone.  I made several phone calls to my mother, two of my sisters, both of my daughters, and sent text messages to several friends.  I caught up on some reading and did a little work out in the garage.  Thank God for my girls and grandson.  Without them Christmas would have been much harder to deal with.  So to answer your question "How are you all dealing with the holdays without your loved ones?", not very well.  

 

 

It felt weird not getting together with everyone. 

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on January 1, 2013 at 5:13pm

It also felt weird for me not to be with family but I think it would have been harder to be with them and not having my mom there. Christmas day would have been a difficult day regardless of where or who we were with. I hope this year will be a lot happier for you than last year was. 

Ashley 

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