Michael,
I am trying to find out how to send you my email info via private message. I would like to check in with you as much as you need since this is the toughest part you will go through.
Michael, I lost my Nancy April 29th, 2015. I was holding her in my arms. It was 9:10am and her aide and me were trying to get her in her wheelchair (she had a stroke) when she just went limp. I will never forget that moment on that morning when reality slammed me to the ground. Then the EMT's asked me "There is no heartbeat, do you want us to resuscitate?" I still recall experiencing complete distortion of realty. My voice seemed to lower in pitch as I uttered the word...."No" I literally fell to the floor as my legs buckled. That was 17 and a half months ago. Sometimes I'm sure I hear her voice or her footsteps on the floor, but no...another cruel illusion and now today, the same illusion continues to play out and the pain grows. It never stops. I pray for the day when I can see her again. I live for nothing else. I pray for you and the peace you seek. May God bring us peace..."the peace that passeth all understanding", I believe that one day we will see our beloved ones again. That is my only consolation as I wake up each morning and go to bed each night. May it be yours as well.
One of my avocations in life has always been that of a hack folksinger/guitarist/songwriter. As such one of my greatest influences has been Leonard Cohen whom we lost last week at the age of 82. On my facebook page I posted a farewell to Leonard and quoted some verse that I found comforting and so borrowed it for Facebook. I thought I would paste it here as well. Peace to all of us on this grief site and may we find comfort in our shared sadness.
Repose en paix, Leonard Cohen. Thank you for your wide shoulders so many poets and folk artists have stood upon over so many years. I borrow here, words of yours that I give to my late beloved, anticipating that moment in time when I will join her beyond the veil. Thanks to Marianne!
"It’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I’ve always loved you for your beauty and for your wisdom, but I don’t need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye my endless love, see you down the road"..... From Mel by Leonard Cohen.
You will make it but it is extremely painful. The shock protects you because acceptance is impossible right now. You need to go through the grieving process. Please keep reaching out here where we understand and will support you. You will get through this and we are here to help you.
John
Finally got your message. Thanks for responding. Good luck with your wiccans! And your music seems eclectic. My favorite artist is Anders Osborne. He inspires me. Check him out. This sucks but nice to meet you anyway.
Thanks Michael it's been 3 weeks now and I think some of the numbness has gone away just to be replaced with an avalanche of emotions from feeling ok one minute then feeling that knot start forming in my gut, that's when I know there's a breakdown coming I start praying asking God to ease my pain, praying he'd forgive me for not treating one of his angels the way she deserved to be treated. But the tears come anyway. I'm not sure if God is punishing me for all my wrong doings, or maybe he took her because he didn't want her to suffer like this.i was so cold and unfeeling, never letting other people's troubles or problems bother me. Maybe that's why. I spend most nights reliving that day,thinking about what I should've done or said at every turn she took.sleep is very rare and when I do sleep it's only for a few hours.i constantly pray that she'd visit me,talk to me,come to me in a dream,anything.but it hasn't happened.i so want to know she forgives me.im so lonely, and empty.all of the dreams of our future are gone.i do believe in heaven,because nothing as good as her can just cease to exist.
Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
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I am trying to find out how to send you my email info via private message. I would like to check in with you as much as you need since this is the toughest part you will go through.
Lisa
Michael, I lost my Nancy April 29th, 2015. I was holding her in my arms. It was 9:10am and her aide and me were trying to get her in her wheelchair (she had a stroke) when she just went limp. I will never forget that moment on that morning when reality slammed me to the ground. Then the EMT's asked me "There is no heartbeat, do you want us to resuscitate?" I still recall experiencing complete distortion of realty. My voice seemed to lower in pitch as I uttered the word...."No" I literally fell to the floor as my legs buckled. That was 17 and a half months ago. Sometimes I'm sure I hear her voice or her footsteps on the floor, but no...another cruel illusion and now today, the same illusion continues to play out and the pain grows. It never stops. I pray for the day when I can see her again. I live for nothing else. I pray for you and the peace you seek. May God bring us peace..."the peace that passeth all understanding", I believe that one day we will see our beloved ones again. That is my only consolation as I wake up each morning and go to bed each night. May it be yours as well.
Leonard was one of my favorites too. Thanks for posting.
One of my avocations in life has always been that of a hack folksinger/guitarist/songwriter. As such one of my greatest influences has been Leonard Cohen whom we lost last week at the age of 82. On my facebook page I posted a farewell to Leonard and quoted some verse that I found comforting and so borrowed it for Facebook. I thought I would paste it here as well. Peace to all of us on this grief site and may we find comfort in our shared sadness.
Repose en paix, Leonard Cohen. Thank you for your wide shoulders so many poets and folk artists have stood upon over so many years. I borrow here, words of yours that I give to my late beloved, anticipating that moment in time when I will join her beyond the veil. Thanks to Marianne!
"It’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I’ve always loved you for your beauty and for your wisdom, but I don’t need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye my endless love, see you down the road"..... From Mel by Leonard Cohen.
Finally got your message. Thanks for responding. Good luck with your wiccans! And your music seems eclectic. My favorite artist is Anders Osborne. He inspires me. Check him out. This sucks but nice to meet you anyway.
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