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Comment by Amanda Ab on January 3, 2012 at 3:36pm

Hi Mariann,

We all here can relate and understand all of the frustration we go through as widows. I myself have been in so much anger, frustration against other people, whom I would expect a little bit of help, but no, nothing. And hated so very much, when I hear "anything you need, just let us know" (as if that is going to solve everything, and like they will really do it) I believe that if one offers to help, he/she does it right then and then and DOES NOT leave it up to us, because guess what "WE DO NEED HELP". I am in financial strain as well since loosing my husband. Bills keep coming, rent to pay, and 2 year old to raise, is at times too much for my little head to handle. I dont get any assitance from anywhere neither from in laws, besides a box of diapers once every other month (if i get lucky) but nothing else.  And yes, people eventually stop coming, and stop calling. And I am beginning to try to work with the little that I have, which is only my son, my mother and I. No one else to support me or help me.  I am having difficulty doing this, but I am tired of expecting others to act as I would do myself, its not worth it.. People dont understand unless they have gone through something similar, like we understand each other, and will obviously help each other out.

I am here to listen . I found this qoute in reading a book my friend gave me for xmas "Light Always Follows Darkness". 

Take Care,

Amanda

Comment by anne on January 1, 2012 at 11:37pm

You go girl, you just let all those feeling out. I truly wish I lived nextdoor to you. I know all those feelings. When a person has to grieve all the things that normally get done become overwhelming. After the dust settles after a death no one comes around. It's a sad reality but one people who are grieving face. I hope things settle down for you. It's got to be really awful to lose a spouse. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Comment by Barbara Santoli on January 1, 2012 at 8:04pm

Dear Mariann

I didn't even think about all the things my husband did until I had to do them. When something isn't working I absolutely panic. But I have now unclogged drains, moved large tree limbs, restarted the fireplace, etc. I am luckier than you because I do have a wonderful neighbor that did drive his riding lawn mower up on my lawn and cut it. I have a friend not to far away but today she left for NC and won't be back for a month so that has me undone that she is not here to call if I needed her. I have inlaws that just say its too bad I live so far away. I am 35 minutes from them! When people ask if I'm okay I want to say "No". I am not okay and I don't think I ever will be. My financial picture is very bleak like yours and I don't know from day to day if I will make but more to point do I want to make it! I do not blame you for your feelings. I wish I were there and could help you. I have pity parties too. Espeially when people tell me their plans for going out, taking trips, etc. all the things I will not be able to do. I think the beauty of this site is the fact that we find we are not alone in our feelings. Please know I am thinking about you and am always here to talk. You can be angry and I willl understand

Comment by anna l. on January 1, 2012 at 4:49pm

Oh dear I wish I was your neighbor, or close enough to boot yours in the butt!!!  I get the "if you need anything, just call" too.  And I dont call because I dont usually have the words to express what I need.  Instead of saying, just call, I too wish they would just call and offer something helpful.  Like a ride to the store to get groceries for me, cut your grass for you!!  Im glad you got to say your peace here.  Just wish with all my heart I could do something to help you.  I dont have the huge financial worry you have but money is certainly tight now and I am very thankful for what I have as I  know not all of us are as fortunate.  Is there a free clinic  you can go to to have your knee looked at?  Is there a church group you could contact to get help with your lawn?  Where I live I know there are churches that have an elderly support system that does that as well as snow shovelling for them in the winter.