The holiday has come and gone and it took no prisoners this year and I am grateful for that.The decorations are down and put in their boxes,The boughs of holly are saftly nestled in their containers. The tree is back to sleep for another year and the lights are done twinling for another year.The stockings are all rolled up and put into stacks to be stowed away nicely while they take their long winters nap. The candy canes were old so I put them in a box and off to the trash they went so they don't grow mold. The christmas towels were washed and folded flat so they fit in the drawer where I keep things like that. The pot holders stay out all the year long to remind me how the memories of loved ones are never really gone. Goodbye to you oh holiday I think I wasted too much time fearing you, for you turned out to be so beautiful, Thanks to the rythm and the thyme. I almost thought I'd lost you for the fear inside me grew and then it turned to anger and then my lid I blew. It only lasted a very few days but mean I was as hell, and then I  gave my very own self a real gook kick in the butt. This not a time for sorrow this is not a time for greif. This is a time for gratefulness a time for feeling peace. Please forgive me Lord for behaving like a brat but I did get it together and it wasn't too late for that. I know my boys would be proud of me. On christmas eve I rocked guitar hero right into the wee hours of the morning like we used to do when they were here. I made the best food I have cooked in a very long time. Every year my boys would help me roll homemade pasta. It is truly a labor of love and boy did we have hours of fun. I haven't made a good batch since they left till this year. That must be a sign that the times they are a changing. Am I coming to the conclusion finally that it's up to me to make the best of whats left of my life? could it be that I hold the key to my own happiness? Sounds easier than it is i'm sure, but I feel like i'm up for a challenge. I hope i'm right! I know I still have bad days, and I know that i can fall, but i'm going to think positive. My new years resolution is to try my best to be happy and helpful to others, and to love myself too. Life after the loss of a child doesn't need to be a death sentence for me. I Have the power to change what is mine to change. My first order of business is to get on my knees and ask God for forgivness for allowing the bad stuff to get the best of me. The second is to enjoy the little things, that I am blest with everyday. the third, I'm going to try to let go of the past and live for the future. It's the only way to honor my boys and their passion for life They are with me every step of the way . I have a duty to the rest of my family whom I love dearly also to take good care of them and be here for them as much as I would've for the boy's. With Gods help I know I will suceed, and if not I shall vent on this blog and start a new. Good Night Moon!