Today driving down the highway I heard the song "I can only Imagine". I cried with the deepest of yearning to talk to my sons and hold them just once more. Reality set in and I thought wow! I can only imagine when that day comes will I be able to once again hold my sons in my arms and will they know me.I then ask myself "will I really go to heaven, is there really a heaven. Why cant I know now.

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Comment by coachlouise on October 5, 2010 at 9:59pm
What if it is a gift? Go outside look at the moon, the stars, feel the wind, just maybe you are awake so they can connect with you. Listen, for any sign, talk and listen. You know how we sang to our children to go to sleep, sing to them now. Singing opens a portal for the otherside to connect with you. Surrender, give up and let your self feel, you have to feel in order to heal. It is hard to go to sleep with so much pain inside. Yell at God or who ever, it is ok for God or who ever understands.

I had about the same amount of sleep as you, I went outside, I wrote 23 songs that first year which are now on a CD. I built a new relationship with my son, invisible but very real to me. I hung up wind chimes so he could sing back to me. The truth is an invisible relationship is better nothing, I will take what I can have. And the miracle is it has brought me peace, now it is my life's work, to help others, You have a right to your feelings, I hope this will help you as well. I send you love, and I know your sons do too. Thank you for writing that is a good start, Louise
Comment by anne on October 5, 2010 at 5:41pm
Well here I am still awake. It's been 8 days since I have had more than 3 hours of sleep. I've done eveerything I know to help me sleep. They call it insomnia I call it punishment. The doctor calls it PTSD, I call it punishment.I have begged and I have prayed. I have tried every coping skill I know, but to no avail. What do I do? I need to sleep. My husband needs to sleep without having to hold me down. I don't like the greiving thing at all.
Comment by coachlouise on October 4, 2010 at 6:01pm
I know you believe in love I hear it in your words. The power of love is invisible yet we know it is true. Long distance healing is invisible yet has been proven to be true. God is invisible yet billions of people believe in the all mighty power. Faith in the invisible is the one of the greatest test of living on earth. Faith is also invisible. You see it is not just what we see that counts but what we believe. I encourage you to choose the answer to "will I really go to heaven, is there really a heaven. Why cant I know now" that makes you feel good. When you feel good you are usually heading in the right direction. Sending you love, Coach Louise Rouse www.americasgriefcoach.com

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