pamela k branchaud
  • Female
  • Southborough, MA
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 58. My husband died Dec 10, 2016. He was a highly functional alcoholic. I raised 3 kids and did family day care my whole life walking on eggshells because of my husbands alcoholism. He was emotionally and verbally abusive when the drinking got bad. This happened a handful of times in the course of our marriage. I loved my husband very much and stayed with him even though I knew I was the enabler. I always hoped for help and recovery. Never happened. I have a lot of sadness, pain, quilt and loss.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life to alcoholism. I'm trying to recover from that. Lots of mixed emotions. My children have suffered too and I don't know how to help them if I can.
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At 3:26pm on May 3, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Pamela, everything you say is true, I hate my life now, I cry all the time, I'm a mobile hairdresser and even doing people's hair i have tears running down my face and trying to talk normal. Today I was driving and a car coming the other way overtaking a tractor heading straight for me, in stead of breaking or swerving, I just thought this is the way out. It did get back in and missed me tho, how bad is my life that I was quite happy to be smashed to bits in my car. I don't sleep, I stay awake till 3 in morning then up again at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe from the world, now it's just another empty space.
There is no joy left for me now
At 7:26am on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Pamela, sorry you are going through this, I can not offer much support as I'm broken myself after my partner of 36 years died 12 March. All the people on here are going through the same thing and are a great support but nothing can take the pain of this agonising hell we are in. I hope you have family and friends to support you. I think however our loved ones have died we all feel a sense of guilt. I do because although I was doing chest compressions for 40 mins whilst waiting for the ambulance, I didn't know if I was doing it right, and I couldn't have been because it didn't work, so now I'm on my own trying to just keep breathing but really wishing I would just stop breathing.

Try to be kind to yourself x

Latest Activity

Darien replied to Suzette Laree Arch's discussion 4 months and I can't stop crying in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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Debbie Lynn Hallstrom commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
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AnneJ. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, same to you, Thank God for this website"
22 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just offering a hug and sympathy."
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, What are you trying to let me know? Linda"
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Marjorie Willcox commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Linda I feel for you and me   I feel my life is over but I have to go on living"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, I feel exactly like you and it has been five years, I wish God would take me. I live in misery everyday. "
L.O commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you marjorie, i worry about everything now especially when it involves my children x"
Patricia Chavez posted a discussion

So painful without my mommy

Hi my name is Patricia ,  I’m a new member.. I cared for my mom in my home for 15 years .. last year she started getting weak. I don’t speak to any my sisters either , they are accusing me of helping Hospice poison my mother with morphine .. They never helped me care for my mom, I’d have to beg them and they always caused an argument and would block themselves from phone calls to help with my mom .. They I would go as far as to call my mother and I ask my mom “why doesn’t Patricia put you in a…See More
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Patricia Chavez posted photos
Patricia Chavez updated their profile
L.O commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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My love Kris and I in Salzburg Austria in 2011
Laura Reaume updated their profile
Profile IconAlison McCarron, Patricia Chavez, Amber L. Metzger-Stathas and 9 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jo l posted a status
"Everyday is a struggle now"
Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More

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