pamela k branchaud
  • Female
  • Southborough, MA
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 58. My husband died Dec 10, 2016. He was a highly functional alcoholic. I raised 3 kids and did family day care my whole life walking on eggshells because of my husbands alcoholism. He was emotionally and verbally abusive when the drinking got bad. This happened a handful of times in the course of our marriage. I loved my husband very much and stayed with him even though I knew I was the enabler. I always hoped for help and recovery. Never happened. I have a lot of sadness, pain, quilt and loss.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life to alcoholism. I'm trying to recover from that. Lots of mixed emotions. My children have suffered too and I don't know how to help them if I can.
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At 3:26pm on May 3, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Pamela, everything you say is true, I hate my life now, I cry all the time, I'm a mobile hairdresser and even doing people's hair i have tears running down my face and trying to talk normal. Today I was driving and a car coming the other way overtaking a tractor heading straight for me, in stead of breaking or swerving, I just thought this is the way out. It did get back in and missed me tho, how bad is my life that I was quite happy to be smashed to bits in my car. I don't sleep, I stay awake till 3 in morning then up again at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe from the world, now it's just another empty space.
There is no joy left for me now
At 7:26am on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Pamela, sorry you are going through this, I can not offer much support as I'm broken myself after my partner of 36 years died 12 March. All the people on here are going through the same thing and are a great support but nothing can take the pain of this agonising hell we are in. I hope you have family and friends to support you. I think however our loved ones have died we all feel a sense of guilt. I do because although I was doing chest compressions for 40 mins whilst waiting for the ambulance, I didn't know if I was doing it right, and I couldn't have been because it didn't work, so now I'm on my own trying to just keep breathing but really wishing I would just stop breathing.

Try to be kind to yourself x
 
 
 

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Profile IconAngela Dougall and Cindy Hand joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thinking of my American friends on this site celebrating Thanksgiving. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
" Thank you for the big hugs and prayers Luisa. Stay safe on your journey. Thank you Theresa for reminding me that God is always with us. I will be praying for all of us as we get through this one day. Bluebell"
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Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell big hugs and prayers sent your way! Big Hugs and prayers to all. I have been really irritable and emotional all week. Dealing with a lot of stress at work right now and somewhat dreading Thanksgiving. So we’re here, and Teresa’s…"
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BLUEBELL left a comment for Brett Bowman
"The holidays are coming up and the anniversary of your sweet Mother's death. How are you? Bluebell"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So today is Thanksgiving, we will all get through this day and tomorrow will be back to normal, the next hurdle is Christmas. Its a tough month for me it will be 18 years on 12/14 for my dad and 2 years on 12/19 for my mom and my grandmom on…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell you are not alone God is right beside you always."
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Let us all get through the next day and next few weeks... Been replaying videos of my mom all day.. miss her so much. First xmas without her, cant even bear to think about it."
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Sam Hayward commented on Jarvis's blog post After Death Communication
"I had a visual experience after my husband died. I was in bed at the time and could not get to sleep so I just lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Suddenly the room filled with a brilliant white light tinged around the edges with mauve. In…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Again, thank you both for your kind words. I am feeling better already. I do not need much and I am grateful to you both for helping. Bluebell"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And I of you. It is good not to feel so alone. Bluebell"
Thursday
Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thinking of you Bluebell."
Thursday
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Sherri. My best to you always Bluebell"
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Sherri commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell your in my thoughts I'm sending you a great big hug"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am really hurting right now. A kind word to me would be very much appreciated. It does not have to be much. I just need to know I am not alone. Bluebell"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bailey, I cannot speak for Sherri but my Mom passed away 9 months ago and I go through the same thing Bluebell"
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