I'm 58. My husband died Dec 10, 2016. He was a highly functional alcoholic. I raised 3 kids and did family day care my whole life walking on eggshells because of my husbands alcoholism. He was emotionally and verbally abusive when the drinking got bad. This happened a handful of times in the course of our marriage. I loved my husband very much and stayed with him even though I knew I was the enabler. I always hoped for help and recovery. Never happened. I have a lot of sadness, pain, quilt and loss.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life to alcoholism. I'm trying to recover from that. Lots of mixed emotions. My children have suffered too and I don't know how to help them if I can.
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Hi Pamela, everything you say is true, I hate my life now, I cry all the time, I'm a mobile hairdresser and even doing people's hair i have tears running down my face and trying to talk normal. Today I was driving and a car coming the other way overtaking a tractor heading straight for me, in stead of breaking or swerving, I just thought this is the way out. It did get back in and missed me tho, how bad is my life that I was quite happy to be smashed to bits in my car. I don't sleep, I stay awake till 3 in morning then up again at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe from the world, now it's just another empty space.
There is no joy left for me now
Hi Pamela, sorry you are going through this, I can not offer much support as I'm broken myself after my partner of 36 years died 12 March. All the people on here are going through the same thing and are a great support but nothing can take the pain of this agonising hell we are in. I hope you have family and friends to support you. I think however our loved ones have died we all feel a sense of guilt. I do because although I was doing chest compressions for 40 mins whilst waiting for the ambulance, I didn't know if I was doing it right, and I couldn't have been because it didn't work, so now I'm on my own trying to just keep breathing but really wishing I would just stop breathing.
Try to be kind to yourself x
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