"i miss mom so mush i do"
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Kristine Rosendale
- Female
- Poway, CA
- United States
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- About Me:
- I am 30 years old. I live in San Diego, CA. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year, old both girls. Talking about my feelings has always been difficult for me. So has asking for help. I have always been considered the strong one but with my reason loss I have taken some advice to seek comfort in support groups.
- About my Loss:
- Brandon was 33 years old when he passed away. He was my boyfriend of 4 years as well as the father of my 3 year old. He had knee surgery while I was pregnant with our daughter, Alexa, and since was hooked on pain pills. It took me a long time to understand that his actions and mood swings were due to the drugs. During the time he used he said and did some things that took me forever to forgive. I feel like I wasted so much of our time holding a grudge and being mad at him. I also have guilt that I didn't do anything to help him with his addiction other then threaten to leave him. He wasn't some drug addict loser that just got high all day. He loved his kids and he worked usually 6 days a week to support us. He had a good heart, he was so handsome and he was funny and loving. It kills me that he passed away due to drugs because people have this stereotype and think less of the person I feel. On August 9th 2014 Brandon died of an apparent heroin overdose. I had no clue he was using heroin this came as a complete shock to me and his family. The toxicology report isn't back yet but the police and medical examiner said that they thought it was heroin. I had gone to the store that night and then came home and put away groceries and feed the kids dinner. As I was leaving for the store he told me he was going upstairs to shower. He had been in the bathroom for a long time but that wasn't out of the ordinary for him. He had another child who is also 6 from a pervious relationship and she was over that night. She came downstairs and jokingly said my dad fell asleep in the shower and he's naked. I immediately jumped up and ran upstairs and found him unresponsive on the bathroom floor and his face was blue. I called 911 and within 3 minutes they were at my door but it was to late he was already gone. I have so much regret that I didn't go upstairs after getting back from the store and check on him but like I said it was nothing out of the ordinary so I had no reason to go check on him. I have never lost anyone close to me before this experience is so hard and so overwhelming. At the time of his death I was 7 weeks pregnant with our 2 child. I lost the baby. On top of everything else I got evicted from the apartment we stay in because there is a crime free clause in our lease that was violated due to his drug use. I'm flooded with emotions from anger to regret to sadness and hopelessness to disbelief. I have so many questions I want to ask him. Early this year he had kicked the pills and was really turning his life around he started working out everyday and eating healthy. He looked better and felt good and our relationship was so much better too. I just don't know what triggered him to start using drugs again, especially heroin.
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I miss my Mom!
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Latest Activity
My husband
"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
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Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
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An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
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Dear Kristine I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your husband and your unborn child. What a a horrible string of tragedies you are having to deal with. I hope you can find some support and comfort here