Alexandra
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  • United States
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About my Loss:
I lost my mother about 11 months ago to a 2 year battle with bladder cancer. She was only 53 when she passed away. I am 25 years old and I feel like I've lost half my world. She was my best friend. And I'm having an awfully hard time.

Alexandra's Blog

Moving Forward

I've been at the same job for over 6 years. My coworkers and management were there for me through my mom's illness and death. Today is my last day at this job. I start a brand new one on Monday. I'm having a hard time with it, as it's like letting go of my security blanket. I feel like this is a step in moving forward with life after my mother. I don't think I was mentally or emotionally prepared for this. It needs to be done, but that doesn't change the fact that it's really difficult.

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 11:11am — 1 Comment

Hurting

I haven't been on here in a little while. I'm not sure why. I've been having a really hard time lately, and for what reason, I'm not really sure why either. In about 2 months, it will be a full year since my mom passed away. I've been at the same job for a few years now, and they were amazing to me when I went through my mom's sickness and death. But I'm not happy there. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to find another job. I lived with my parents through college to save money, and…

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Posted on September 26, 2013 at 11:08pm — 1 Comment

Grief Chat

Today, I took part in the chat room feature on this site. It was really nice to talk with people casually about our moms. We discussed how we were feeling today, and shared memories and ideas with each other. I think this site will definitely be a difference maker in my life.

Posted on August 31, 2013 at 10:15pm — 1 Comment

Falling Apart

I joined this online community to see what other people are writing. While it does help to write something and have people respond and say encouraging things back to me, or even just reading other people's posts, I have a hard time writing anything back. I want to give people all of those same encouraging words, but I can't. I can't even get my own life together. I've gained a decent amount of weight. I have zero motivation to eat healthy or work out. And I've gotten angry. It's been 9…

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Posted on August 30, 2013 at 8:09pm — 3 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 10:50pm on August 23, 2013, Eliza said…
Hi Alexandra,

My mom was sick for 16 months before she passed. She passed three weeks before Christmas, so like you, we've already been through our first Christmas, Mother's Day, parents' anniversary, and her birthday without her. Sigh. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you about your dad and his engagement...though I wonder how I would feel if/when my dad dates again or remarries. Maybe talk to your dad about how you're feeling? Or do you see a grief counselor? I would imagine they might have some good advice. Hang in there.
At 11:22pm on August 11, 2013, Alexandra said…
It sure is, Eliza. How long was your mom sick? I just joined this recently, because I'm hoping it will help by talking to people like you. I knew it was going to be hard, but I guess I hadn't anticipated it hurting this much still, 8-9 months later. She passed the day before thanksgiving last year. So we have already had our first Christmas without her, her birthday, my parents 30th anniversary, and Mother's Day. I'm dreading the day it hits 1 year. My dad met a woman in March and they're already engaged. I've heard that men move quickly after a loss, but I feel like he's not even upset over her death anymore. Any advice?
At 10:42pm on August 11, 2013, Eliza said…
Hi Alexandra,

I understand the anger and pain you feel over the loss of your mom. I, too, lost my mom to cancer (pancreatic), this past December. On some days, I get so sad/mad when I think of the fact that she's gone. It's a tough road, isn't it? Sending you hugs.
 
 
 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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