Hello to all, I am new here and I guess just wanting to be surrounded by people who have a similar understanding about where I am coming from. So here's my story for starters:

On April 30, 2011, my life forever changed. I woke up to a phone call from my best friend asking me if I had seen our friend’s (Brian) facebook post about our other friend, Nick. I quickly answered no and asked why. She went on to tell me that the post said “R.I.P Nick Morris, you will always be remembered.” My heart fell out of my chest at that moment. We both pondered what possibly could have happened to him because he was not the type of guy to go out and do something crazy. Nick was and always will be the kind, shy guy that every girl liked but was always too afraid to tell him. We agreed that we both would do some searching and calling around to see if anyone else knew what was going on.

As we got off the phone with one another, thoughts started racing in my mind of that times that Nick and I shared together over the past 12 years we had known each other. We had met in the 3^rd grade at the age of 8 and he was the very first boy to ever make my heart skip a beat. We never dated, partly because I always thought that he was too good for me, but we did share some moments together that I will never forget.

Finally, I received a text message from my best friend. All it said was “It’s bad. I’ll call you in a minute.” When we were finally on the phone together she went to explain what had happened. Nick had just turned 21, 3 weeks previous to the accident, and on Thursday of the week of the accident his best friend, Josh, was turning 21. The two of them decided to go out and help celebrate Josh’s birthday. Later in the night Josh was driving Nick back home when he took a corner too fast and rolled the car into a nearby fence on private property. Both of them were ok but Nick said that he thought he broke his leg. After they were taken to the hospital, Josh kept asking how Nick was doing and a nurse replied, “He’s fine; they are getting ready to take him in for surgery.”

Altogether, Nick suffered a broken ankle, broken wrist, and broken femur. Josh walked away with cuts, scratches and bruises. As they were taking Nick in for surgery, he started having seizures and had a total of 8 strokes. This left his completely brain dead and on life support. I heard about what had happened as he still lay in ICU on life support. My only thoughts were that I needed to be with my friends but that I had to be to work in 2 hours.

Somehow, I managed to make it through my shift at work but not without getting another phone call saying that Josh and another friend were on their way to the hospital because they were going to take Nick off the life support. They pronounced his death later in the afternoon. He was 21 years, 23 days old. Nick was an organ donor so his heart, lungs and liver went to those in need.

After almost 4 months, I still struggle daily. I have so many questions and doubts. I feel so alone at times, like no one cares how I feel or that I should simply still not be feeling this way. No, I did not know Nick overly well but he still meant a great deal to me and I think that is what brings some of these doubts. I feel like an imposter. I search daily for the strength and comforting words to help pull me through the day. LIke I said above, I am just here seeking that moral support in hopes that it will help pull me through my rough days.