Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diana on July 2, 2013 at 5:18pm

Dear Crystal,

I know how you feel. I lost my mother too last August. I didn't know how I was going to get through this loss either. Its still really hard for me to cope. At first, I was in denial. I kept a vision of my mom at home watching tv until reality finally hit me that she lives up there now.  I cried everyday for six months straight. I still cry. It is a hard long process. I tried counseling, but after the first meeting, I came to the conclusion that I had to take the day by day path with God. I really do miss my mom. When her favorite movies come on tv, I be wanting to call her, but then again I realize that I cant call her no more. Im crying right now cause it still hurts. I wish you the best and may God give you strength.

 

Diana

 

Permalink Reply by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:30pm

Diana, thank you so much for your reply. I cry all the time and I know how you feel. I just can not believe it and I have been going to grief counseling which is useless. They just keep telling me it takes time. THAT ISN'T HELPING ME RIGHT NOW!!! I need better help than "just wait". <sigh>

Permalink Reply by Mark on July 2, 2013 at 5:45pm

Crystal,

 

I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart aches, and I feel like I'm going through losing my mom all over again.  I lost her over 1 year ago, and there is still alot of pain.  I hope by sharing with you, it will help you know that you are not alone.

 

My contact with my relatives (siblings cousins etc) is either non existant or minimal. Therefore my support network with this for the most part has been some good friends that have helped me, by allowing me to talk etc.

 

I am not married, or with anyone - so this has made it very very challenging at times. Ironically, there are times that some people think that they are helping me (because of the fact I'm single), that them talking with me is supposed to comfort me. However, certain individuals cause more pain versus just working through this myself or with other people.

 

I have had many times even 13, 14 months (etc) after Mom's passing, that I still break down, and cry. I have been told I am still grieving. I know there are people who do not understand - as they did not understand back 1 year ago ( e.g. how could an adult be so sad over losing their mother).    There are people who just are not that compassionate, or don't have feelings or express them, so they don't get what many people go through.

 

Please know that you have a network of people here that will try and listen.  I have found just listening sometimes (e.g. listening to someone who has lost someone) is all that one wants.  Many people don't know this art until they've experienced loss such as we have.

 

My thoughts are with you. 

Permalink Reply by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:35pm

Mark, I completely understand what you mean when you say some people cause more pain than help. I actually feel like I am suffering through this alone since my mom's living brother is far away and doesn't seem to be sad and her living sister who was there when she died isn't speaking to me, and my mom's parent's (my grandparents) keep telling me they are find and life goes on. I have no one to talk to that understands and feels the same pain. I always counted on my mom for things like this. Most days it feels like too much to handle and I feel like I wont make it through this. No one should have to suffer this much pain. Even my sweet innocent 2 year old daughter doesn't bring me enough comfort to keep me sane. I love her more than anything but I still need my mom and now I don't know what to do.

Permalink Reply by Sheila B. on July 8, 2013 at 2:07am

Crystal I know what you mean about always counting on your mom to talk to. It's so hard to want to be able to pick up the phone and you can't. It's bizarre to drive by her street and not go to her house. I know it must be hard to be happy for your little girl. Try to still take as much pictures of her as you can, they grow up so fast and you will treasure them. Take care. 

Permalink Reply by Shirley Holt on July 2, 2013 at 5:50pm

I agree with the one day at a time approach. Breathe, eat, sleep, and when you are ready, exercise. Reach out to other people. They will never replace your mom, but you need people in your life who love and support you.

My sister died this past March. She was also 52. I am supporting my nephews as best I can. It is one way I can express my love for my sister, caring for her sons. It makes me feel less helpless. If anyone asks what they can do, ask them to listen, tell them about how you're feeling; how much you mom meant to you and what you miss about her.

Permalink Reply by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:38pm

Shirley, thank you for sharing your story with me. My step mother just lost her sister at 52 in February of this year and she is going through a lot of what I am. I am not that close to her though but it sounds very similar to what you are going through. I hope the best for you as I know your sister's children are probably in so much pain and they need people like you to help them through it.

Permalink Reply by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:26pm

OMG! not even 2 months after my mom dies my dad has a heart attack today and had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. Now he is in ICU for who knows how long just trying to survive. I think I am going to lose my freakin mind! First I lose my best friend and mother who I absolutely adore and now my father is in a life threatening condition. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH! I need my mom!!!!! I can't do this, I don't know how to get through this!!!

 

Permalink Reply by Maddy on July 5, 2013 at 9:50am

Crystal, you will get through this because you have to, plain and simple. You are a mother and your mother would want you to be strong.

I lost my mother tragically and suddenly just 4 months ago - when I was 5 months pregnant with my first child. I miss my mom every day and I am terrified of having a baby without her here to guide me.

To make matters worse, 1 month after losing my mother, her sister died suddenly and tragically as well. Then a month after that my father was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. It felt like one hit after another for my family and there were times that I just wanted to lay in bed and never get up. But I did. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. Because I had family, brothers, cousins, a father, a husband and an un-born child to consider.

I am not going to tell you this is going to be easy - it's not. I am going to tell you that you will find more strength within yourself than you ever thought possible and if you ever need comfort or even just to vent, this website is a great place to come.

I wish you all the best and I hope that you find a way through this.