Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dan on January 24, 2014 at 10:30am

Today, January 24, is the one year anniversary of my mothers passing; Monday, January 27, is the seven year anniversary of my wife of 37 years passing;  March 3, is the two year anniversary of the passing of my companion who I met in 2009.  Last Friday, I was informed of the unexpected death of one of my best friends over the many years since high school and college together.  It is a bad time of the year for me and the numbness from memories really closes in.  I try to deal with them as they come up but the feeling of isolation gets to me at times.  I, too, don't want to leave the house.  A very difficult time.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Colvin on January 24, 2014 at 3:10pm

Tammy, I am so sorry to hear of your losses.  That is more than anyone should ever have to deal with in their lifetime, let alone within a couple of months. I know how hard it is to go on and to figure out how to grieve.  I'm still grieving for the loss of my family and that happened over a period of years.

 

What I can tell you that helped me is truly just take one day at a time.  Do what you can, if everything doesn't get done, you can tackle some of it tomorrow.  I also went through photos and did a crazy amount of crying, but created a slideshow of the good times.  I still cry when I watch them, but it helps reinforce the good memories and takes the focus off of the events of the last days of their life.  I also make note of the "anniversaries", even though it is sad and painful, I need to feel like their life still mattered.  Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and the day after is the day my last sister died.  I think about times we had before and how I've managed to live another year since then.

 

Most of all, take care of yourself.  I was a zombie for a very long time.  I literally could barely focus, work etc. for well more than a year.  Get rest and try to treat yourself with kindness.  Everyone takes this journey their own way and what is right for you is right for you...

Permalink Reply by Tammy on January 24, 2014 at 8:55pm

Thank You

Permalink Reply by Wendy (Boabie) on January 24, 2014 at 9:05pm

Tammy & Dan, I am so very sorry for the loss of your loved ones. I pray that you both find comfort and peace. I lost both my parents within a year of one another, and losing my mom nearly destroyed me. Give yourselves the necessary time to grieve and remember there is not magic time limit. Grieve until you are ready to move forward. And don't let anyone tell you to get over it. I don't think we ever really get over losing our loved ones. But, I believe we eventually get though it. I don't think our loved ones ever truly leave us.  Their spirit is always with us watching over us. 

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit!

 

Permalink Reply by Tammy on January 25, 2014 at 8:47am

Thank you. I know I have been told you have had long enough get over it. I have been told you have other children and grandchildren so quit dwelling on these. This was within a month of them passing. I try to explain Yes I have other children and grandchildren they live 24 hours and 8 hours away. I have 2 grandsons that live close by but I don't get to spend much time with them. This part of my family was in my home every weekend. They were 15 minutes away. Most importantly they are not like broken toys that can be replaced. Just like my other children and grandchildren I would be devastated if something happened to them. I have a big gapping hole in my heart That hurts. I love all my children and grandchildren and my children and grandchildren are also having a hard time over losing their brother, nieces, cousins. It was something to look forward too each weekend they would come and stay from morning till after dark. They loved coming here. I can not look at my yard without tears falling and my heart aching.

Permalink Reply by Michele on November 8, 2015 at 6:16am

My heart breaks as I read this because I would not wish this way of death on my worse enemy. My sister and brother in law died in a fire in their cabin along with their beloved dog. We were best friends our families lived near each other we all vacationed together we all celebrated holidays together. The fire was in March 2015. I cant believe its been 8 months when it seems like yesterday. My heart is still broken in a million pieces for the loss of my sister. I still cant wrap my brain around not being able to pick up the phone all throughout the day to talk to her. The 4 kids left behind that lost their mom & dad it kills me being around them trying trying to be some sort of support for them yet trying not to act like im taking my sister's place. I havent slept well since all of this. I still lay in bed and fight to keep the images out of my mind of what those last horrific moments must have been like for them. I just dont know how this will ever get any better. I am skipping thanksgiving this year because i cannot bear to celebrate this without her being there. I just dont want to do any holidays ever again. I hate it when people say it will get better with time or 8 months later its like they didnt even exists to people. I just wish this nightmare would end and i would wake back up.