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I Still Can't Believe Mom Is Gone!
Hi All
I am new to this site. I'm a 39 year old female who lost her Mom on January 18th. Mom was 76 at the time of her passing and would have turned 77 on March 10th.
Even though my mother was not young in terms of physical age, she was very young in spirit. Up until the end of last summer she was a lively energetic woman who was always doing something. Then one morning she woke with symtoms of what we thought was a stomach virus, but later turned out to be a very severe case of ulcerative colitis.
Mom was in the hospital three times between September 22nd, 2011 and January 18th, 2012. She spent the last ten days of her life in ICU on a respirator.
The doctors tried all kinds of medicines and treatments and at one point considered removing her colon. Then it seemed like they hit on something that worked. It was a very strong IV medication called Remicade which has the side effect of temporarily suppressing one's immune system. The Remicade seemed to work, and she came the day after Thanksgiving. Tragically on December 28th she was rushed back to hospital with an elevated heart rate and shortness of breath. It seems that while her immune system was knocked down by the Remicade she developed a lung infection.
On January 8th she had to be intubated and on January 18th after being told there was no hope, as Mom's health care proxy I had them remove life support.
I am an only child and my mother and I were very close so her death hit me like a "ton of bricks" I was on on anti-depressants for a while and am now seeing a psychologist for grief counseling. I feel I am making some progress, but there are still times when something will remind me of Mom and I will break down crying.
My neighbor recommend seeking additional online support and that is why I am here.
Sometimes I feel like no one knows how I feel...how sad and angry I am that I no longer have my Mom.
Well, that's it for now...Hope you guys don't mind if I vent every so often.
Views: 2028
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by sandee love on
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i hate reading these comments but this is what is keeping me alive.. for now. mercy, i dont know if this willhelp you or not but i want you to know that i too still feel like i want to join my mom. surely God wouldn't punish me for wanting to be with the most perfect mom of all time... the hole in my heart will never be filled cuz there is noone like her. i keep thinking about that movie " what dreams may come" & it calms me down knowing that if i want to join my mom today God wont be mad at me .
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Permalink Reply by Lisa on
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Hi Sandee
I am worried about you and Mercy both. Have either one of you ever though of joining a bereavement support group?
You are both in my thoughts and prayers!
Lisa
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hi lisa, u dont have to worry about me. thanx tho. i have a 3 yr old cat that needs me . she's got about 15 years to go :)
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also, the hospice people called me a few weeks ago to check on me ( i hate them too, not because they are bad people but because they remind me of the worst days of my life) so i have a support group to go to but i am so sick of all this psychotherapy crap. i was in therapy for 20 years & i think she only wanted my $$.
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hi mercy. i totally feel you. but please do not act on your feelings right now. put them on the back burner. its only a "permanent solution to a temporary problem " someone once said. if i can do it for my cat you can do it for your daughter. its ok not to pray & its ok not to go to church. i tell myself that the worse thing that could ever happen, has happened.
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I am so sorry to hear your loss.
My mom passed away in ICU on June 18th feels like yesterday.I am so sad depressed and hard to cope,
This is hardest thing in my life.I was a only child and close with my mom.
talk to her everyday.Now no phone calls only dreams.Can not believe she is gone.I am 45 she was 63.It hurt as she was trying to hang on to life..I feel i cried a waterfall so hurt inside...
Ever need someone chat I am here..
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Hello Everyone,
I am new to the site too, I lost my mom on May 27th of this year, its been hard for us and really hard on me she died of cardiac arrest in her sleep, she had 8 kidney stones, heart problems, and fibromyalgia. I am 31 yrs old female, mother of 5 and one grandbaby. My mom was 49 when she died the messed up thing was that the doctors would not help her with the kidney stones, the day before she died she had finally gotten her referral to the uralogist I know that i did not spell that right at all.
it's been hard I am currently living in the house that she died in and trying to go through her stuff, my sis and I are not getting along at all, so we are moving from Clarkston WA to Spokane Valley, i am hoping to make friends and try this out because talking to my sis and therapist helps a little.
Sincerely,
Mary
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I am sorry for your loss .It is so hard I take it day by day and tear by tear,,Welcome..
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Hello Everyone,
I am finding it hard dealing with my mom being gone, there are days that I am not sure how I feel about it. Then there are the days where i am sad and feel empty and lost, trying to get up the strength to go through her stuff. I know that it has to be done it makes me cry when I touch her things, especially her spiritual things.
Sincerely,
Mary
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I know the feeling.I feel lost empty numb than other times i feel different.I am lost without mom it is so sad and I feel at times is it true..I am in a daze sometimes it is so hard to go through this..
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Permalink Reply by Jayne on
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Hello, I too lost my mom just a few weeks ago to Pancreatic Cancer. She was healthy before this horrible disease. You are right noone understands. this loss is tremendous. my friends have not been there I I too feel alone. I sympathize with you.
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