I dont know how to cope with the loss. It's been a month and I still cry every night that I remember him.

I saw his lifeless body when they were rushing him to the hospital, hoping that maybe he was still alive, and I dont think I'll get it out of my head anymore.

I feel a lot of regret. I can only think of I wish i had done this/that, but it's too late. He's gone.

I blame myself a lot for not seeing the signs, for not being by his side when he felt so hopeless that he decided to do that.

I still expect him to be there in his house when I go there sometimes. I expect him to be playing online games, sitting at the computer, scrolling through his phone, or playing the piano.

It's been only a month and I dont know how else to cope with this. Pls help

Views: 67

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi KJ,

I wish I could help you, but I too am new to this. I lost someone very close to me about seven weeks ago. It sucks, and for that I'm sorry. The only thing I can recommend is to continue writing, or talking to others. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. You deserve to feel everything you feel, and no one should tell you otherwise.

Best of luck and I'm here if you ever need to talk.


Thank you. Your reply made me feel a little bit happy that I could talk to someone about this. I am still holding up and we just passed the 40 days mark. I still can't believe that he's dead. I still have nights like this when I just imagine how I last saw him, lifeless. I can't get it out of my head. I wish I could just forget that part and only remember him smiling, laughing, singing... but whenever I think of him, that image of him dead for hours is just what I remember first.


In my country it's a tradition to do prayers on the 40th day that someone has died so they could go to heaven. It was my cousin's 40 days yesterday (Nov 19th). We prayed that he'll be able to get into heaven and that he would be happy wherever he might be. 

The morning of his 40th day, I had a dream where he was there. This is the first time that I had a dream where I saw him. I thought maybe he was saying goodbye to me because he'll be going soon to finally be at peace. In my dream he was at the back of the car with our family and friends and he was singing. I forgot what song he was singing but I felt that he was happy. But when I woke up, I still thought that he was alive. I was so happy when I woke up because I thought everything was just a joke and he was still there. 

The night of his 40th day, we continued praying and got his room, the room where he died blessed by our pastor. I was angry at my relatives for treating his room like a tourist spot or like a haunted house. They were all scaring each other and were giggling and asking if they could take a peek on where my cousin died. They don't know how traumatizing it was for us who saw him dead. They're just there for the "thrill" and not to pray for my cousin's soul. It was so disrespectful. I will probably never forgive them for treating my dead cousin like a ghost that's something to be afraid of. 

Fast forward to today, Nov 20th, I'm still thinking about him and if he really died peacefully. I went to the website where he sought for suicidal advice. I looked for his post last October and I saw that what he did may be a hit or miss. He might've died a very painful death or not. I am reading through all of his post on that website and thinking about how he felt when he was posting all of those things. Planning the way that he'll go, the day before he died. He may have wanted to fir but all I've been (still) thinking about is if he regretted doing that when it had been too late for him to ask for help.


Latest Activity

Alice Smith replied to Alice Smith's discussion My grief in the group Disenfranchised grief
"Hi, I'm sorry I kinda stopped checking back here.  How are you?  I'm sorry you're stuggling.  Last week for me was kinda of ok.  This week, not as much."
6 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Depression
"yea ok juts feal weid 2 day bean 9 yr anvesy of my dad all guiltt awMA 2 all gily all guiltt seamss 2 hit hom agan is my faltt  feal sad coz i cnt go 2 vitss his ashhss coz og wethr permitn on in casee thy hav funrelss goin on i no it min…"
11 hours ago
Vivian Rivera updated their profile
Profile IconRobyn, Natalie Christopher and Billie joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Joe H. left a comment for Natalie Christopher
"Natalie, sorry to hear about you losing your mom to cancer. Keeping you in our thoughts. "
Joe H. left a comment for Billie
"Billie, I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter on the 7th of February.  We [as parents] always have those ideals of our children growing into wonderful loving and loved people, but we are NEVER prepared for them to go before…"
Gen replied to Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's discussion Navigating Life in the group Zoom Grief Support
"Hi, I am in such a great place of loss and feeling lost; I feel like an orphan and the child in me is more pronounced then ever. I told my partner today that I wouldn't know what it would be like to lose her. I know the "focus on today, in…"
aneesa posted a status
"Hi, I was wondering how the zoom meetings work and what time they run?"

© 2021   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service