Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by patience on September 3, 2014 at 9:17am

Forget what other people say..your not selfish at all..you are a person trying to cope daily with a loss that is hard enough lil loan anything else..she might have ment by the right decision is because hospice is supposed to be there to help you and your husband..

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 3, 2014 at 1:44pm

I won't judge you, I totally understand. I have wonderful parents, a wonderful sister, and a wonderful brother-in-law, plus our cat my husband and I have together. They love me, and I love them, but it's not enough to make me want to live or to keep me here. I don't even know if there is an afterlife, but if there is then I need to be there with my husband, since that bastard god or fate or whatever separated us in this life.

As far as I'm concerned, it does only get harder. My husband died nearly two years ago, and every single fucking day of the past two years I have wished I died when he did. That is never going to change. My life ended when his did, period. So while your experience and mine are not exactly the same, I do have some idea of what it's like. People who are actually living in this hell won't judge you for feeling as you do.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sandi on September 3, 2014 at 7:08pm

Thank you bluebird, that is the closest anyone has come to understanding that just experiencing life is not living. My husband was the last of my family left other then my kids & grandkids. I continue to beg every night for God to let me go because the only place I'm whole is with my husband! He was my everything & people used to laugh and ask why we were joined at the hip. You never saw one of us without the other & that's exactly how we wanted it. We didn't need others, just each other. Of course we loved our kids & adored our grandkids who we were with everyday & they learned early on that we came as a pair.
I appreciate your candor and honesty and hope you are given the reunion with your husband as soon as possible.
Kindest Regards, Sandi

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 3, 2014 at 8:22pm

"Just experiencing life is not living" -- that's exactly right. I beg my husband to come and get me, because I don't believe in a loving god, though sometimes I beg "god" as well even though I don't believe in it.

My husband and I were always SO close. We did sometimes do things on our own, but we always preferred to be together, even if we were just laying on the couch talking or reading books or watching tv.

Thank you; I hope you are reunited with your husband as soon as possible, too.

• ▶ Reply