After 21 years I just lost my best friend and soulmate

I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.

Views: 1393

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by renee krutsinger on November 11, 2010 at 9:16am
i'm here for u girls. can't wait to talk to you either. cindy, don't rush the clothes thing. hang on to them for a while. there is no rush. at least that's what i've been told. i've got ridden of some things, but can't bring myself to get rid of others. i'll talk to u both tonight! i hope u have a very good day.
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on November 11, 2010 at 9:53am
Hi Renee, I can't wait either. Believe it or not, I still have all Rob's things too. I only got rid of a few things from one his his drawers because I needed the space, but the things I gave to Goodwill were things he never wore. I don't plan on getting rid of his things any time soon either. I'd rather wait till the right time and I know it won't hurt as much then do it now and feel sick about it. There's no rush in someone's grief and no rush in getting rid of our loved ones things. Hope you both have a good day. Till tonight. Lots of Hugs. Carol
Permalink Reply by renee krutsinger on November 11, 2010 at 10:38am
i had to get rid of lots of stuff right away. his hospital bed, causing hospice needed it. his oxygen, and i whated about 2 mos after, to get rid of his wheelchair, only cause it drove lucy, his dog, crazy. she thought daddy was coming home. i still have all his clothes, jewerly, personal items like that. i don't want to get rid of them yet, and i'm not going to either. not tell it's time for me. a good day to u too, and lots of hugs to u too. can't wait tell tonight. i hope cindy feels the same way!!!
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on November 11, 2010 at 10:55am
Renee, basically you got rid of all the things that reminded you of his being sick. The other things are all things that were him. I did the same thing, got rid of of his medicines and anything related to his illnesses. I have all the good things that remind me of him. I wish I did have some clothes that were never washed. But I thought he was coming home from the hospital so I washed everything. And the stupid paramedics all were standing on my bed so the sheets and pillowcases were filthy with footprints so i had to wash them. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think Rob wasn't coming home from the hospital. the only thing i have that I didn't wash were the shorts he wore that day so I keep them on his pillow. So don't worry about getting rid of his things, you need them now. You will know when you are ready. I have no intention either of getting rid of his things. Well, I have to put some white chocolate initials on some chocolate ganache cheesecake bars I made for one of the ladies who works at curves. Some of the members are throwing her a shower saturday and I can't go so I made those . I'm putting A for her initial and D for her fiance's initial. Then I have to run to Michaels to get some ribbon and and a bow made up. Hope you both have a good day. Till later. Take care.
Permalink Reply by Cindy on November 11, 2010 at 4:47pm
Sorry Ladies, I won't be available for our call tonight. I have to take a friend into ER because she hurt her foor really bad. I hope you enjoy talking. Sorry, maybe we can try again another time.
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on November 11, 2010 at 4:57pm
Hi Cindy, so sorry. I hope your friend is ok. Are you doing anything saturday afternoon? Let me know.
Permalink Reply by renee krutsinger on November 11, 2010 at 5:39pm
so sorry bout your friend cindy. hope she will be ok. sorry we won't be able to talk, but soon i hope
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on November 11, 2010 at 5:40pm
Renee, did you still want to talk tonight anyway? Let me know.
Permalink Reply by renee krutsinger on November 11, 2010 at 5:44pm
that would be fine carol, will chat with u later. cindy take care and i will be thinking about u. hugs
Permalink Reply by Cindy on November 11, 2010 at 10:20pm
My friend will be okay. I am not sure about Saturday, my 17 year old son will be here. Sorry I missed it
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on November 11, 2010 at 10:32pm
Hi Cindy, I was just about to write a post asking you about your friend. I'm glad your friend is ok. When would be a good time for you? Let me know and then I can check with Renee. We had a nice long chat. We both were sorry we couldn't have you added on. Hopefully we can do it soon. You have a good night and take care.
Permalink Reply by Cindy on November 12, 2010 at 12:27pm
Another tough day. I will be going along just fine and then it hits me again that the last time I saw him alive, was the last time I will ever see him. I'll never help him in the shop again or take his picture, I'll never get to cook for him again or go to one of his grandkids birthday parties with him. I will spend holidays alone if Chris is at his dad's. I just want to scream. It's so unfair. Of all the bad things that have ever happened tome, and there have been plenty, this is the worst. I'm tired of being strong and carrying on. I just want him back.

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

dream moon JO B joined Emma Marie's group
Thumbnail

Funeral Service

To serve people at their need– it's all we do. We strive to set the highest standards for the funeral profession in terms of client service and care for the deceased. We help people through one of the most difficult times in their lives with compassion, respect, openness and care.See More
yesterday
0 Comments
James D. Thornsberry and Natasha are now friends
May 12
James D. Thornsberry posted a photo
Thumbnail

Jim

Life at Online Grief Support
May 12
0 Comments
Jennifer replied to Robin H's discussion Lost my Partner who wasn't my partner in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Welcome to the group.  I lost my partner on February 5th this year, so it's still pretty raw for me too.  Reading through your story really touched a chord with me.  Like you, I didn't think I would ever find a group like…"
May 1
Jennifer joined Cathy Richardson's group
Thumbnail

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
May 1
39 Comments
Jennifer and William Gardener are now friends
May 1
dream moon JO B commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"i miss mom so mush i do"
Apr 11
Susan E Marshall commented on Susan E Marshall's photo
Thumbnail

My husband

"Thanks, Rosie. (I have memory problems and forgot about this site. I'm just seeing this now. April 6th)"
Apr 6

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service