Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I know the title may not sound right but that is how I feel. I lost my son on 9/19/14 due to an overdose. We are not quite sure as of yet until the toxicology reports come back.
For some reason, I feel that I should be grieving more than I have and been. Does that make sense? I don't know why I feel this way. Has anyone else been through this? It has only been 3 weeks. One of the emotions that I am feeling a lot is shameful. What I am meaning is that when asked how my son died and I tell them he overdosed, I get the look as if I am a bad mother. My job was to protect him from the world and I wasn't able to do it. Could it be that I have too many emotions right now that I don't know what to feel first? I keep talking about counseling or a support group but just haven't made that call yet.
I myself being a recovering addict and put my kids through a lot during my addiction. I thought he would of been able to talk to me with no problem. I made sure that my kids and I had that open communication but I guess not. I never had that with my mom so I made sure that I had it with my kids.
I apologize for my rambling. Just had to let it out.
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Thank you all for all the kind words. I don't know what I would do if I never came across this site. No family or friends can even begin to understand what I am feeling or why I am feeling the way I am. Thank you again.
You are in shock. Besides, there is no right or wrong way to grieve -- you feel what you feel, and you don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed or anything like that about it.
You shouldn't feel ashamed, either -- addiction isn't something that people choose, it's a disease, and it's not your son's fault, much less yours. And regardless, your son has died, and no one should be saying anything in response to that other than "I'm so sorry.", or the like. If anyone says something to make you feel ashamed about that, tell them to fuck off -- that's what I'd do, at least.
I'm sure your son knows you love him, and it sounds as though you are a good mom. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
yep
i dont thng iv stopet on off
dont worry abot ramblin josette coz i say sorry for sme thng on hear
on hear u can rable rant so on hear i worry abot it 2 i wish thr wz support grps wear i am
2 days is 1 of thm days i cnt stop crying tears will not stop
so sorry for yore loss as well
Josette all your are feeling is normal. You are in shock. we all feel there are things we should have done differently. In the moment, and at that time, you did what you felt was right. Your son made his own choices. I think we all feel we let out kids down in that we are the ones who are supposed to protect them but we all have our own paths and there are things that simply are not in our control. What others may think or judge is based on ignorance of the situation. Be kind to yourself.
Dear Josette,
First let me say how very empathetic I feel. Our 42 year old son overdosed on 8/11/2014 right in front of us. He did not die but took three days till enough of the xanax & hydrocodone got out of his system before the detox hospital would take him in. Our son was raised with very high values and to respect and obey God’s law and principles. Drugs and alcohol were to be avoided and never abused. Yet when he was 25 to 30 years old he tossed all family values out the window. He is now a recovering alcoholic & drug addict of only a few weeks. I only hope he sticks to it but since he is headed right back to the same associates I am very fearful of the outcome.
I understand what you are saying about not knowing how to feel or what to feel first. When he first overdosed I was so mad at him - I can't put it into words . . . Then it was like I was just holding my breath, afraid to breathe . . . He turned 43 on 9/19/2014. I want to give you a real hug - My heartbreaks for you.
I am no expert, but I think that we have learned to distance ourselves from the pain because it is easy to see where the behavior is headed. I feel overwhelming shame, embarrassment and sorrow. He is wasting and ruining his life, and breaking his entire family’s hearts. The only way to cope with the increasing fear and pain is to dull the senses otherwise the emotions would consume our lives.
One thing I might say: every person grieves in their own way and at their own time. You need to feel free to grieve your way in whatever way that is right for you. Yes, you are the mother but they have made the choices that have led to this eventuality. It is neither our fault nor responsibility. Easier said than done!
As I said before, I am not an expert nor a doctor - just a caring person that has found help, guidance and comfort through the pages of God's word the Bible. Please watch these two videos and let me know your opinion. Positive or negative, I really care about your opinion.
What Happens at a Bible Study?
(((((HUGS))))) There is hope in God's promises, please allow me to show them to you. That will be a hug from me to you.
Always,
Brenda
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